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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DS(8) friend on holiday

125 replies

whosaysthat · 16/04/2025 15:49

On a caravan holiday. DS(8) brought a friend with us.

At the time of inviting months ago we mentioned if friend wanted to bring his bike and was told he didn’t have one and couldn’t ride. Fine, no problem.

It’s a static and our kids already have bikes there but was planing on not letting ds as his friend couldn’t join in.

Anyway as soon as we got there and we’re unpacking, they had DS’s an his sisters bikes out and ds was teaching his friend. He got it within a an hour and was riding up and down the grass perfectly.

Is it unreasonable to have let ds teach him? Would you be annoyed if it was your son and you’d missed it + weren’t asked?

OP posts:
ShillyShallySherbet · 16/04/2025 16:17

Unless they actually said to OP before the holiday that they didn’t want their son to ride a bike they have no reason to be upset

Original poster
whosaysthat · 16/04/2025 16:17

Instinct1 · 16/04/2025 16:11

I'm wondering as a PP said if it's more that they have a issue with him riding a bike - that they think it's dangerous or something, perhaps due to a past incident in one of their lives. Or maybe as he'll want a bike and they can't afford one / afford one for all of their kids if they have more than one.

Yes I guess it could be either but unless they say, we aren’t going to know.

dds bike which he’s using is too small for her so we were going to offer but don’t want to cause more of an issue.

OP posts:
BigDeepBreaths · 16/04/2025 16:18

Dont overthink it. Their reaction will be all about them (feeling unnecessary guilt) and not so much about you (altho possibly they will be projecting a bit).

I’d just reply “We didnt bring them, the bikes are here permanently. Whilst we didnt actually plan on bike riding this trip, the kids went ahead and got them out. The boys are having a great time!”

Twinkletoes10 · 16/04/2025 16:19

It's awful that they would want to hold their son back instead of being happy that he has hit a big milestone. Maybe they are embarrassed or feel they might be judged for not teaching him sooner. Hopefully they will have come round by the time you get back. After all it is very kind of you to take their dc away.

ItGhoul · 16/04/2025 16:20

It's riding a bike, not his first steps. Your neighbours are weird for bringing this up.

If the kid's family haven't been effusive about it, I'm guessing it's because they're not really bothered either way. If they were, they'd have taught him to ride a bike themselves by now. I strongly doubt they're upset and are simply people who don't think riding a bike is important.

I think my parents would have been delighted if someone else had taught me. It took me about a week and I fell off approximately 75,000 times before I got it. I suspect they found it painful to watch.

Hwi · 16/04/2025 16:21

I'd be grateful.

Original poster
whosaysthat · 16/04/2025 16:23

Jellycatspyjamas · 16/04/2025 16:08

It’s lovely that your DS was able to teach him, and sometimes kids learn much better through their peers. I’d just be delighted that his friend has been able to learn, it’s a great skill to have.

Agree, to anyone’s kids who are struggling to learn just get another child to teach them.

All mine were taught to ride by older kids at the caravan site. Any attempt by dh and I before hand just left them getting angry at us.

OP posts:
Swiftie1878 · 16/04/2025 16:23

whosaysthat · 16/04/2025 16:00

Obviously it’s hard to gauge how annoyed someone is over text but we sent a photo of him on the bike and reply was just that they didn’t know we were taking bikes.

Neighbours I mentioned to it to agreed they would be upset if they’d missed their child’s first time riding a bike so I’m feeling like I’ve done something terrible and upset them.

Well, tough! If it mattered that much, they should have taught him by now.
Just shrug; oh well!

ARichtGoodDram · 16/04/2025 16:25

Does your DDs helmet fit him?

I wouldn't be remotely bothered by the teaching, but I wouldn't be happy with my child on a bike with no properly fitting helmet.

ShillyShallySherbet · 16/04/2025 16:27

This thread has reminded me that I was never actually taught to ride a bike. I taught myself on my brother’s rusty bmx in the back garden, no stabilisers necessary. Where there’s a will there’s a way!

sHREDDIES19 · 16/04/2025 16:27

You've done him a favour; not being taught how to ride a bike by 8 is unusual (unless there are reasons we don't know). He's clearly picked it up quickly so they've not bothered for some reason.

Springee · 16/04/2025 16:30

We are a household of 3 and I'm the only bike rider. DH grew up where it was hilly and industrial and only one of his siblings rides. I grew up in flat East Anglia and everyone rides there. DC never really took to it, but always had a scooter. He had a hip problem and couldn't start learning until 7. Never felt comfortable.

Perhaps the parents don't cycle

Stressfordays · 16/04/2025 16:31

My son's friend and his Mum taught my son to ride a bike. I wasn't even remotely upset, I was grateful. At the time I was going through a lot and hadn't even considered teaching him. It gave me a kick to buy the kids bikes and I taught the other 2 myself the next week.

UpUpUpU · 16/04/2025 16:31

I would be annoyed if my child was about 3 and I’d not had chance to teach them. By 8 it’s definitely a skill they should have so I’d be happy.

I would be annoyed if he wasn’t wearing a helmet though. That is something I am quite particular about for any bike/scooter/skateboard etc.

SillySeal · 16/04/2025 16:31

I think it's tough. On one hand I get parents being upset as it happened to us. DGP took it upon themselves to teach DC when DH was going to do it the following week. DH was gutted as he taught all our kids.

However I do think it's lovely of your DS. I think if have been ok if I'd have got a quick text along the lines of Hi X, XXX has taken an interest in DC bike. Is it OK if DC tries to teach him and has a go? Just a photo of him doing it would have hurt a little. You don't know why they haven't taught him yet. It could be they haven't been bothered or there could be other reasons.

Hopefully her annoyance passes and she seems what a brilliant time her DC is having with you.

diddl · 16/04/2025 16:34

they didn’t know we were taking bikes.

So you asked the kid not the parents?

I might be annoyed that I hadn't had the chance to buy a bike & try with him especially if it might have meant him missing out.

TrainGame · 16/04/2025 16:34

I'd be delighted! One less job for me to do!

TrainGame · 16/04/2025 16:36

Especially by 8 years old... when were they planning to teach him?

At 16? The boat has already sailed.

He's lucky you stepped in and taught him so he has it for the future.

JustSawJohnny · 16/04/2025 16:37

Not at all - I think that's wonderful!

Well done your DS!

LavenderBlue19 · 16/04/2025 16:39

Well if he didn't have a bike at home he was never going to learn there, was he? They're being daft - how lovely that his friends taught him and now he can join in!

MarioLink · 16/04/2025 16:39

As long as a helmet was worn it is fine (not the end of the world if no helmet on grass).

It was friend's decision to learn at that age not his parents' and that is fine.

Delphiniumandlupins · 16/04/2025 16:40

I would play it down. Say you have bikes there, the kids were just playing together and he picked it up really quickly. If you want to offer him a bike your children have outgrown don't tell him before you have checked with his parents.

FamilyFool · 16/04/2025 16:42

WinWhenTheyreSinging · 16/04/2025 16:01

Surely if they were that bothered they'd have bought him a bike and taught him before he was 8?

Yes definitely. They could have taught him if it was their priority.
also you could interpret text a number of ways.
you’ve taken their kid on holiday for goodness sake. They should be so blummin grateful and you should feel so pleased with yourself that you’ve set it all up and they’re so happy 🌟🌟🌟

Hastentoadd · 16/04/2025 16:43

whosaysthat · 16/04/2025 15:49

On a caravan holiday. DS(8) brought a friend with us.

At the time of inviting months ago we mentioned if friend wanted to bring his bike and was told he didn’t have one and couldn’t ride. Fine, no problem.

It’s a static and our kids already have bikes there but was planing on not letting ds as his friend couldn’t join in.

Anyway as soon as we got there and we’re unpacking, they had DS’s an his sisters bikes out and ds was teaching his friend. He got it within a an hour and was riding up and down the grass perfectly.

Is it unreasonable to have let ds teach him? Would you be annoyed if it was your son and you’d missed it + weren’t asked?

I’d be delighted if he came back from holiday after learning a new skill, one less job to do

KellySeveride · 16/04/2025 16:45

My DD was taught by the neighbourhood kids when she was 4. She got it in about 20 minutes it seems. I was delighted-one less thing to worry about