To think DP was really selfish?

[Lightsoutpal]

DP and I are only holiday. In general, I have nothing bad to say about this man. We’ve been together a year and I have very few complaints about him. He’s fantastic. Hence this really surprised me.

We arrived last night. The apartment has one gorgeous big main bedroom and one small spare room.

He likes to have the light on until right before be falls asleep, while he browses his phone, etc. It drives me a bit mad, especially if I’m trying to fall asleep before him, but I’m used to it.

Last night I had a pounding migraine that had plagued me for hours. At bedtime and asked if he could please turn the light off so I could have darkness to sleep, just this once as my migraine was so bad. And to my surprise he said no, because he doesn’t like to be in the dark while he looks at his phone.

He said “well what do you want me to do? I don’t like to look at my phone in the dark so I don’t want to turn all the lights off”.

I ended up going into the dingy spare room to sleep alone, so I could be in the dark.

My head hurt too much to think too much about it at the time but I’m pretty bloody angry today.

I haven’t said anything as we’ve been on an excursion but I’m internally seething.

AIBU to think he was incredibly selfish?

Fuck me, he'd have been dumped the first time he wanted the light on to scroll on his phone!

Get rid OP, he's shown his true colours

Girl. You've been struggling to sleep for a year. Give up the pretense. He's not a caring, considerate guy.

Sleep deprivation is a torture technique.

God he sounds awful. I agree this is how he really is. He doesn't care about your discomfort over his...what, routine? And you have given in to his preference all the time as well! Not good at all OP. I would be looking for what other red flags you have been overlooking.

Throw him back, that man has and will never prioritise you

What kind of an idiot needs a light to look at their phone?

Be carefull with your partner please

He was incredibly selfish. Firstly, if he’d really wanted to look at his phone, he absolutely could have done that with the lights off - he just ‘doesn’t like to’. Not only could he not consider just, y’know, not looking at his phone for one night, but he also refused to consider looking at his phone in a very slightly less ideal manner than usual. When his girlfriend had a pounding migraine. What a selfish, inflexible prick. This is made even worse by the fact that, if he really couldn’t face turning the bloody light off, there was a spare room he could have offered to sleep in.

It’s actually incredible to me that you’ve been trying to sleep with the light on for a year - and I speak as someone who stays awake miles later than my partner. I read and play word games long into the night, but I do that in the dark, on my Kindle or with my phone on its lowest light setting so he can sleep. I don’t just sit there with the lights on like a complete twat FFS!

God, I'd be fuming. Why does he need a light on to play on his phone, with its own inbuilt light?

meh. You have spent a year putting up with him with the light on scrolling on his phone. This is clearly his nightly routine, and thus expected.

I get that he was being a bit of a pratt, but if it is his normal routine and you have never spoken up that it's an issue how should he know.

And who care's about a dingy room when you have a migraine, and presumably all the lights off anyway?

When you're better perhaps you two need to talk about bedtime routines and see if it's a dealbreaker?

Yeah, he turns the light out or goes in the spare room.

I nipped similar in the bud when i first moved in with my (now ex) DP. We established a rule that the bed was primarily for sleeping in, the light went off when the first person wanted it off.
If your DP wanted to sit on his phone with the light on, he should have gone somewhere else to do this - leaving you to sleep in darkness. I wouldn't have been able to compromise on this tbh.

What a selfish prick!

Honestly, get out as quick as you can. You’ve been in the honeymoon period and so you’ve not noticed and he’s kept his real
person under wraps but it will slowly all come out in the next 2 years.

“I have been struggling to falling asleep with the light ON for a year, because that suits him”

Honestly? More fool you. I’m sorry to be harsh but seriously. You’re not a priority for this man.

"I pointed out that I have been struggling to falling asleep with the light ON for a year, because that suits him, and just learnt to adapt. He could’ve managed for one night."
You've been pandering to him for a year. You've been accepting his selfishness for a year. Why?

Bin him. He won't change.

Every time you’ve had to try & get to sleep with the light on is him being amazingly inconsiderate. I couldn’t have put up with this for even one night. And it’s just weird anyway.

Make the best of the holiday & then dump his selfish, sorry ass as soon as you get home.

I’d be done, since there would be no more nights together ever with the light on. If he wanted to stay there’d need to be an apology and an agreement that he’d do the compromising for the next year and go to bed in the dark.

He's been selfish for the entire year! Why would you put up with that?

Have you had a health issue before or asked him to do something he didn’t want to do?
Have you been on holiday with him before?
A year isn’t a huge amount of time. Especially if everything’s been plain sailing and he hasn’t had to compromise on anything.