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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Is something going on at work with Dh and colleague?

47 replies

bloominrain · 15/04/2025 12:08

We had a baby recently and Dh wanted to take the baby to work to show them off during his paternity which is not suspicious but he kept mentioning his boss a lot in the last few months but then she had been helpful in letting him have extra time off for scans and appointments which she didn’t need to and he always made sure to take a scan pic in to show her but when he took the baby to work she wasn’t there so he wanted to go back another time so she could see the baby.
Everybody else was there so I was surprised he put so much emphasis on her seeing the baby.
I had mentioned before that he talks a lot about his boss and he hasn’t mentioned her by name since and now just calls her my boss and doesn’t say much about her anymore.

She has recently moved to another branch but still manages his branch so is very rarely there now which he complains about saying she’s never here, he says it in a way that makes it sound like she doesn’t get anything sorted but I’m not so sure why he’d be so bothered if she wasn’t there much.
Each day some people are working at different branches depending on business needs but start off at the main one and he complains constantly that he never gets this particular branch (the one where she is now based) and says it’s because he likes the drive down because it breaks the day up as this is done in work hours.
Am I overthinking this or does it sound like something might be going on with them?
it’s just the constant remarks like I hope I’m at such and such branch today or it’s always so and so who gets to go and I’m stuck here. Then if I say did you ask your boss about such and such he’ll say no she’s never bloody here and complain she’s not.

OP posts:
BeTwinklyBee · 15/04/2025 12:33

I think if something was going on, he wouldn't be mentioning her so much.

Melsy88 · 15/04/2025 12:43

I think if something was going on, or if he wanted there to be something going on, showing off his new born baby with another woman wouldn't be the way to go about it!

Iwantamarshmallowman · 15/04/2025 12:44

Trust your gut Op. It would raise my suspicion as well. somthing very simular happend when i had my second child. i was already concerned but the taking the baby in to work without me to introduce him to the admin assistent was a red flag. another red flag was when the gift the whole office had contrubuted towards went missing after the same admin assisent sent it to the wrong address. i knew for sure when dh sneeked out of the house late one night to hand her £100 so her and her mates could get pissed while i was on maternity leave and counting evey penny.

Delatron · 15/04/2025 12:49

Hmm I’m not sure he’d be so desperate to show off his new born baby if something was going on. Surely he’d be keeping you and the baby in the background all quiet.

Maybe he has a little crush on her though and wants to keep that interaction with her. Based on what you’ve said I wouldn’t say it screams affair.

charabang · 15/04/2025 12:51

BeTwinklyBee · 15/04/2025 12:33

I think if something was going on, he wouldn't be mentioning her so much.

Respectfully I disagree with this. Speaking from experience cheaters often develop 'mentionitis' in a very casual way.

librathroughandthrough · 15/04/2025 12:53

If your friend wasn’t I work when you brought the baby in you’d be disappointed to and arrange to meet a different day? No big deal.

alcoholnightmare · 15/04/2025 12:55

This wouldn’t make me worry. Perhaps he just has a lot of respect for her and is grateful to her as his manager?

Hoplolly · 15/04/2025 12:56

Nothing here that would particularly set off my spidey senses. If I was having an affair with someone I'd not be interested in their baby at all!

Seachanger · 15/04/2025 12:56

It sounds as though he is quite obsessed with her. And desperate for any kind of attention from her.
Do you know i OP. If he messages her or contacts her outwith normal work communication?

BrieAndChilli · 15/04/2025 12:57

my colleague came into work last week with her baby. our boss wasn't in so was disappointed so she will come in another time to show our boss the baby too. both women so no affair!

QuickLilacPoster · 15/04/2025 12:58

None of this seems suspicious to me x

bloominrain · 15/04/2025 12:59

Seachanger · 15/04/2025 12:56

It sounds as though he is quite obsessed with her. And desperate for any kind of attention from her.
Do you know i OP. If he messages her or contacts her outwith normal work communication?

No he doesn’t contact anyone from work outside of work.

OP posts:
Ph3 · 15/04/2025 13:00

charabang · 15/04/2025 12:51

Respectfully I disagree with this. Speaking from experience cheaters often develop 'mentionitis' in a very casual way.

Completely agree with this!

BeTwinklyBee · 15/04/2025 13:00

charabang · 15/04/2025 12:51

Respectfully I disagree with this. Speaking from experience cheaters often develop 'mentionitis' in a very casual way.

Speaking from my experience, people with a crush may have mentionitis whereas cheaters go out of their way to make sure they're not drawing attention to it.

And in my opinion, certainly wouldn't be complaining to their DP about not seeing the person enough.

Unijourney · 15/04/2025 13:00

Have you asked him about her? If she is single, does she have children? How he speaks about her might help. Also I would suggest you also take the baby in, which is more usual.

bloominrain · 15/04/2025 13:01

QuickLilacPoster · 15/04/2025 12:58

None of this seems suspicious to me x

Hopefully you’re right and it’s hormones, I have asked him if he has a crush on her or something and of course he replied no.

OP posts:
Rosie8880 · 15/04/2025 13:02

I don’t think so. I’d ask him, and if he doesn’t respond, gently ask him in different ways how things are going at work. It could well be (especially since you say she was great at letting him have flexible time off and understanding about your new born) he had a good working relationship with her and is working with people now who he doesn’t have same understanding with. My instinct from what you have written is he may be feeling a little unhappy at work - I’d find ways to get him to open up and share. This would help him but also put your mind at ease. He’s probably also missing his new baby and wants to spend more time with you and family. ❤️

Whitetruck · 15/04/2025 13:02

He clearly enjoys working with her and likes her as a person, but I don't think he'd be wanting to show off new baby if he was hoping for an affair.

TuckedUpInBedWithAPackOfCremeEggs · 15/04/2025 13:03

charabang · 15/04/2025 12:51

Respectfully I disagree with this. Speaking from experience cheaters often develop 'mentionitis' in a very casual way.

Whilst I agree with the mentionitis thing in principle, I don’t think this sounds like what is going on here

Delatron · 15/04/2025 13:03

The mentionitis indicates crush (and taking the baby in). But not an affair. Affair would be the opposite.

Maddy70 · 15/04/2025 13:04

She's obviously a great boss and frankly he's unlikely to be showing off a baby to a potential lover!
His behaviour seems perfectly normal to me. I am great friends with my boss too I would do the same

bloominrain · 15/04/2025 13:04

Unijourney · 15/04/2025 13:00

Have you asked him about her? If she is single, does she have children? How he speaks about her might help. Also I would suggest you also take the baby in, which is more usual.

I don’t know if she’s single/married I do know she has children. I wouldn’t go in as I’ve never been to his work or met anyone who works there.

OP posts:
MistyMoistyMorningCloud · 15/04/2025 13:05

I talk about my boss a lot because what they do has a big impact on my life and work. E.g. as you described - they manage my leave and agree any decisions etc etc. So I don't think mentioning his boss a lot especially in a work context is inherently suspicious.

MissUltraViolet · 15/04/2025 13:06

I don’t think it sounds like anything is going on, at all.

You’ve asked on AIBU though so I’m sure plenty will tell you it’s dodgy, you should be worried, if they are not already having an affair it will defo happen and you should split your family up immediately.

GabbySolisX · 15/04/2025 13:11

It doesn’t sound like anything is going on. I think he would be more inclined to keep his work life and personal life separate if it was. I doubt he would want to take newborn in to see his boss if he was sleeping with her. It would be very odd. If it is raising suspicions I would just tag along too though, so you can see how they act yourself.

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