Is something going on at work with Dh and colleague?

[bloominrain]

We had a baby recently and Dh wanted to take the baby to work to show them off during his paternity which is not suspicious but he kept mentioning his boss a lot in the last few months but then she had been helpful in letting him have extra time off for scans and appointments which she didn’t need to and he always made sure to take a scan pic in to show her but when he took the baby to work she wasn’t there so he wanted to go back another time so she could see the baby.
Everybody else was there so I was surprised he put so much emphasis on her seeing the baby.
I had mentioned before that he talks a lot about his boss and he hasn’t mentioned her by name since and now just calls her my boss and doesn’t say much about her anymore.

She has recently moved to another branch but still manages his branch so is very rarely there now which he complains about saying she’s never here, he says it in a way that makes it sound like she doesn’t get anything sorted but I’m not so sure why he’d be so bothered if she wasn’t there much.
Each day some people are working at different branches depending on business needs but start off at the main one and he complains constantly that he never gets this particular branch (the one where she is now based) and says it’s because he likes the drive down because it breaks the day up as this is done in work hours.
Am I overthinking this or does it sound like something might be going on with them?
it’s just the constant remarks like I hope I’m at such and such branch today or it’s always so and so who gets to go and I’m stuck here. Then if I say did you ask your boss about such and such he’ll say no she’s never bloody here and complain she’s not.

Mentioning someone you work closely with regularly is hardly suspicious behaviour. Also, lots of people I’ve worked with have brought their babies in to the office over the years whilst managing not to have endless affairs with co-workers.

I’m not sure what the poor bloke has done wrong here. If he mentions his boss he’s clearly in love with her. If he didn’t it would no doubt be a sign he is being devious and secret and covering up his infidelity. He really can’t win.

I work in a small company mainly men and I would have definitely re arranged to bring my baby in if my boss (male) wasn’t in. Sometimes I moan if he isn’t there if we’re working on certain projects etc

I always say trust your gut, but I think sometimes hormones do make us more sensitive.

However you know your partner best, if he’s making you feel uncomfortable talking about her often maybe he needs to pack it in

Taking your baby to show to someone you were either already having an affair with or hoping to seems like an odd thing to do.

Never say never of course but hardly an obvious move imo

Even if it’s just a crush, it’s still upsetting that we’ve just had a baby, a special time in our lives and his minds somewhere else.

Darling this seems like your hormones, sleep deprivation and general new mum brain is playing tricks on you.

If he was having an affair with this lady I doubt he’d be trying to get her to meet the baby so badly. That wouldn’t be a great draw in to the lady he’s having a relationship with “look at my gorgeous baby I’ve just had with another lady!”

Hes proud of what you’ve both created and wants to show them off. He sounds grateful for the extra flexibility his boss has shown him during your pregnancy.

If it’s really, really bothering you. Bring it up in a non confrontational and non argumentative way.

“DH I’ve noticed you’ve been mentioning your boss “X” a lot and it’s made me feel a little bit insecure. Would you be able to reassure me that this is just a healthy work relationship and that I’m just being silly in my head that you may see her as anything more.”

I used to have a colleague who'd bring his new child in so he could play the big family man to the management team. So, not an affair, more an image thing to look good.

OP, he could just be telling you the truth.

He wants to show off the baby you have both created, he’s a proud dad!
He’s frustrated his boss spends all their time at another branch as it probably makes his job harder/slower to get shit done. He’d likely feel the same if boss was male.
He’d probably want to get shifts at the other branch regardless of who is there if it means he gets paid to listen to the radio and drive instead of working.

Lots of people come home to their partners and talk/complain about their bosses and colleagues. I honestly don’t get anything suspicious or dodgy from what you have described.

Just a difference perspective.

I manage a team of mainly men, three of whom have had babies in the last 3/4 years.

All of them brought the babies to see me with one even hanging around until I came back from a meeting.

In 2 cases, it's almost likely they want to provide me evidence of why they took paternity leave! I suspect there's some sort of family man pride going on too.

I also am fairly generous re time off for scan appointments etc because if I were a pregnant woman, I would want my partner there. I also get the time back in spades- you get what you give.

No women in their right mind wants an affair with a new father.

I don't think there's much to be concerned about.

I used to love going to different branches, catching up with colleagues i used to work with.

And the other stuff, I really don't think you have anything to worry about.

I think he just liked her as a boss, sounds like she got stuff done and now he moans she is never there, and things don't get done.

She was supportive in giving him time off for appointments and he showed her scan pictures, so I can see why he would want her to meet the baby

Proudly showing off your new born baby that you have had with your wife is probably about the clearest ‘I’m completely unavailable’ message that anyone could make.

I agree.

And I can't imagine any woman embroiled in an affair welcoming being introduced to the affair partners new baby.

Tbh OP Ithink the suggestion of you going in with your DH to show off the baby is a really good one.
It's been quite a normal thing in places I've worked.
Even if you have never been in before and don't know anyone it would be a real opportunity for his colleagues to see the family man side if him, to see you as a unit. And it sends a message that you are a united couple.
And it gives you the opportunity to put faces to people your DH talks about . It stops you being an outsider in what, to be realistic, is an important part of his life

I can't understand the thinking behind "bringing baby into office = affair." It strikes me as the exact opposite, he's very proud and happy with his family.

I don't think a man who was keen to have an affair would be itching to make sure his potential affair partner was constantly being reminded of the existence of his newborn baby. 'Look, I just produced this baby, which means it's going to be really hard to leave my wife and when I do there will be a whole lot of nightmare emotional baggage attached to it' would not be a great affair-opener.

Mumsnet absolutely loves to tell people to 'trust their gut' and to interpret every tiny thing as the sign of a man having an affair, but frequently, people's guts are absolutely completely fucking wrong. My ex had a lot of 'gut feelings' that I was having affairs (I wasn't) and if he'd been a woman on Mumsnet, half the posters would have been egging him and saying 'Yeah it doesn't look good, OP' and 'Ooh, she's got mentionitis, she definitely fancies that client at her office' and 'Her male friend texts her for relationship advice? That's not on, they're definitely having an affair' etc etc. And they'd have all been just as wrong as his 'gut feelings' they were telling him to trust.

I think your post-partum hormones, lack of sleep and general new-mum exhaustion might be colouring your judgement a bit here. I really don't think there's likely to be anything to worry about.

💯

Trust your gut can be terrible advice as 'gut feelings' are so easily influenced by so many different things. Previous experiences, anxiety, depression or other MH issues, hormones, insecurity and many others.

Yes this.

I know, I realise how silly it all sounds now I’ve seen it written down. I’m just sitting at home with a baby letting my tired mind do overtime. I will try and forget about it now.
thank you for the replies, I needed to hear them.

I agree. I might be completely wrong but this wouldn’t raise alarm bells with me at all

Unfortunately that's incorrect. It is common to mention an affair partner often.

Not in my experience or the experience of many others.

You having a different opinion is just that, a different opinion. It doesn't make me 'incorrect'.