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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to ask you to be kind to pub staff and owners?

29 replies

WillimNot · 14/04/2025 11:12

Hello all
I run a pub, it's not very glamorous at all. I pretty much do 18 hour days. Currently it's just my DH and I so we are covering every role
We make barely a penny as a pub is like a huge cash machine for others.

We pay council tax, luckily not business rates yet as our value is tiny (was a failing pub and we are still working on that), private bin collection (£120 a month), our utilities are over £1k a month(!) we have to have a license just to play background music (£250 a month). Our rent and bills to the brewery who own the building we are tenants to is £3k then there is costs of having drinks in (anywhere between £800-£2600 a week depending on a good or bad week). There's VAt as well to HMRC and that's a nightmare for a different thread to deal with when things go wrong.

It's never ending!

Sadly, recently, maybe because the sun is out and we have had new customers try us out, the rude, obnoxious and entitled have arrived.

I have experienced crap service of course and this should always be flagged to an appropriate person

Last night for instance and probably why I am writing this we had agreed to host someone for a drinks gathering for a last minute birthday as the host works at a small business on site and was stressed. The people who came in were so obnoxious I cried when they left.

One of them before even speaking to me was on his phone loudly berating my pub as not their cup of tea, it's a "shit hole" and he was pissed off to be here. He wanted to be in the next town over.

Our pub is very far from a shit hole, it's recently refurbished all by my DH, we have so many comments on the decor that it's not your usual pub because they all look the same by brewery (very true! I think companies get mass order discounts). It was spotless (as always) and we even provided balloons and plates and stuff for them at no charge.
It was obvious they were looking for an excuse to leave so when the same guy approached the bar and declined the drinks and then said I wasn't a great barmaid because I pointed out they had been poured now so there was no reason for a refund and he said to put them back in their bottles as glass isn't porous and I should know that!?! He was so rude then the female of the group joined in saying she advised me to watch my back so we asked them to leave.
We have now had a vile and utterly fabricated review that our pub is dirty and we are rude! Google and Facebook sadly decline to remove reviews like this and just say to answer them but they are hugely damaging. So not only do we deal with behaviour of that type we then have them use reviews to continue the behaviour.

The host who works at the small business didn't come back and wasn't there but I will be speaking to her today (and may mention it to her boss) but I just ask that with summer approaching and when pub operators point out that it's such a risky time for us all, please be kind!

OP posts:
Redshoeblueshoe · 14/04/2025 11:16

That is disgraceful behaviour. I hope you have better customers this week.

WillimNot · 14/04/2025 11:19

Redshoeblueshoe · 14/04/2025 11:16

That is disgraceful behaviour. I hope you have better customers this week.

Thank you!

We have some lovely customers, luckily, or of whom was in the bar so may ask him to answer the review as he head the phone call and said t ome "who organised a birthday party for a Sunday at 6.30pm?"

I wouldn't mind but the pub he wanted to go to instead, according to others, is notorious for being trouble and such! Yet ours is a shit hole.

OP posts:
saveforthat · 14/04/2025 11:24

How long have you been running the pub? I think you have to get a tougher skin. With regard to the bad review, can you not reply to it and supply the facts?

RedToothBrush · 14/04/2025 11:26

YABU to ask this.

Why?

Because you shouldn't be in a position where you are having to ask this in the first place. People should have manners and it should go without saying that you should respect staff in bars and restaurants.

Wishyouwerehere50 · 14/04/2025 11:29

I'd definitely provide a reply to the review. Do everything to be as decent as possible without sniping. Just reply with facts as suggested.

Some people are just unpleasant and idiotic. There's no need for that behaviour and I hope things improve. It says so much about people how they treat someone serving them.

CountryQueen · 14/04/2025 11:32

WillimNot · 14/04/2025 11:19

Thank you!

We have some lovely customers, luckily, or of whom was in the bar so may ask him to answer the review as he head the phone call and said t ome "who organised a birthday party for a Sunday at 6.30pm?"

I wouldn't mind but the pub he wanted to go to instead, according to others, is notorious for being trouble and such! Yet ours is a shit hole.

Why wouldn’t someone have a birthday party at 6.30 on a Sunday?

discov · 14/04/2025 11:41

People are arseholes. My DH and I own a restaurant and don’t have much trouble at all, but you get the odd one (usually always a man with a very apologetic wife trialing behind) who are extremely rude to our young staff and will leave a bad review with a fabricated story. Our most recent one was a man who came in and cut in front of one of our regular customers who was in the middle of a conversation with a member of staff, and demanded something with a pointed finger to the staff member. She politely asked him to wait as she was dealing with another customer and he went apeshit. My DH stepped in and told him to leave. Of course him and his whole family left bad reviews with some bullshit story which didn’t happen, because they were annoyed we made them leave. We have CCTV and replied politely with a factual account of what actually happened, saying we can forward the footage to them if they would like, and they removed the reviews immediately. We bend over backwards for our customers and our reviews show that.

I can imagine a pub is 100x worse than what we deal with, and I agree you need a thick skin to run one!!

OoooopsUpsideYourHead · 14/04/2025 11:47

I'm in my mid fifties and I've been working with the public since I was 12 years old.

Some customers are utter shits and some are utterly lovely.

But if they're shit people, I'm afraid none of them are going to read your thread and improve their behaviour.

They don't care about your bin collections, your council tax, the cost of your music licence or the pub's decor.

I've learned over the years to just concentrate on the lovely customers (of which there are many), who often make my day.

theressomanytinafeysicouldbe · 14/04/2025 11:50

I would have refused to serve him! There's no please some people, and they forget its not just a job, its your livelihood and your home

I am always respectful, I remember doing the job and it's hard work. I always go round and clear the tables if we have a family do on or if we are out having a few drinks I take the empties back to the bar

Hoppinggreen · 14/04/2025 11:53

I completely agree that you deserve to be treated with politeness and respect, even if things aren't perfect and while I am not without sympathy for the pressures of running a small business your overheads are none of my concern.
Whether you are 2 people struggling to make a go of it or employees of a huge chain I will treat you as you deserve to be treated as human beings doing a job

SeventeenClovesOfGarlic · 14/04/2025 11:58

If someone is a shit person they're not going to treat you well because of your bins or business rates. Hospitality is hell to work in, I endured two decades and am delighted to be out of it.
Are you making a profit doing 18 hour shifts?

WillimNot · 14/04/2025 12:54

saveforthat · 14/04/2025 11:24

How long have you been running the pub? I think you have to get a tougher skin. With regard to the bad review, can you not reply to it and supply the facts?

I've been in events for about 15 years, then ran a pub as a manager for someone else, this is our first pub where we are tenants and run everything and we've been here since May.
I totally agree on the thick skin, but when you've had two days off in all that time, do 18 hours and then get that happen and a shit, made up review, it's just crappy.

One of my other regulars came in as they were leaving and he cheered me up, that he was glad they had gone and don't worry about reviews but obviously people do look and make a judgement. I'll also have our Development manager from the brewery message later and he's a nightmare! Won't want to hear our side at all but I'm used to him and let DH deal and get rid of him sharpish.

I have replied politely and factually to the review and I probably will just have a word with the guy who the lady works for. It's a relatively new business we've allowed to hire some space (looking for any and all income streams as pubs are no longer just pubs if you want to survive) and frankly bringing detrimental people in isn't good for our business and isn't the nature of why we've allowed them to be here.

I agree the timing of a gathering is unusual, but we wanted to help her out as she always seems a bit stressed and rushed. It won't happen again as I personally don't mind a quieter Sunday after a busy Friday and Saturday!

OP posts:
Inthetyreshop · 14/04/2025 12:59

I'm always friendly in pubs to owners or service staff

Wishing14 · 14/04/2025 13:04

What is the pub link? I’ll write a good review.

GreyCarpet · 14/04/2025 13:12

OP, if it helps... I often look at the reviews before going somewhere new but, if the reviews are overwhelmingly positive, I tend to regard a bad review as having been written by an arsehole or just someone who doesn't understand that the world doesn't revolve around them.

And a polite and factual even witty response from the owners will pretty much guarantee I visit.

OoooopsUpsideYourHead · 14/04/2025 14:43

It’s shit but you really do need a thicker skin.

Otherwise you’re going to make yourself ill at this rate.

Whitetruck · 14/04/2025 14:52

GreyCarpet · 14/04/2025 13:12

OP, if it helps... I often look at the reviews before going somewhere new but, if the reviews are overwhelmingly positive, I tend to regard a bad review as having been written by an arsehole or just someone who doesn't understand that the world doesn't revolve around them.

And a polite and factual even witty response from the owners will pretty much guarantee I visit.

Edited

Yes, me too. The really bad reviews say more about the person writing than the establishment, unless there are several of them.

justneed · 14/04/2025 14:52

Worked in a pub for 6 years, it was a fucking nightmare sometimes, you are working your arse off op, don’t let them get you down !

Coconutter24 · 14/04/2025 16:03

The host who works at the small business didn't come back and wasn't there but I will be speaking to her today (and may mention it to her boss)

Why would you mention it to her boss?

Dotjones · 14/04/2025 16:11

Be careful in responding to the review. It's very easy to make a bad situation worse. It's fine to correct factual inaccuracies but be wary of responding to opinions you disagree with. A bad review is a bad review, but a bad review where the business has fought back makes the business look like it's more interested in arguing with people who didn't rate them highly than they are in making an environment where people will want to rate them highly.

Definitely take it up with the person who booked the event though, and their boss if you are able. Tell them how poorly behaved their employees are and that you will not be accepting business from them or their families in the future.

NeedToChangeName · 14/04/2025 16:11

The occasional bad review wouldn't trouble me, especially if the venue's reply was polite and factual

Agree with a PP, your overheads aren't the customer's concern

And I don't understand why you'd mention this to the boss of the birthday girl. It's nothing to do with him

BeneathTheSea · 14/04/2025 16:15

Working with the public can feel like a form of torture at times.
I have learnt to observe bad behaviour, but not absorb it.
I deal with it as patiently as l can and then don't give it another thought.
It's really hard not to take it personally but unfortunately these obnoxious customers will act the same way in the same place regardless, they just haven't got it in them to be any different.

StrictlyAFemaleFemale · 14/04/2025 16:22

I don't think their behaviour has got anything to do with you or your pub. I bet they all wanted to go to their usual place but someone in the party booked yours instead. That doesn't make it ok of course, but really take yourself out of this particular equation.

5128gap · 14/04/2025 17:00

OP, 'shit hole' has always been the generic description for any venue that in the speakers opinion is in the wrong town, playing the wrong music, is too full, too empty, for which you don't meet the dress code or age restrictions; that doesn't have your exact drink, that closes before you want it to or doesn't have anyone in it you want to cop off with. Please do not take the whining of some random peeved not to be in his town of choice for reasons known to himself, as a discerning review of your lovely pub.

Namechangetry · 14/04/2025 17:19

If the person who booked it did it in their own time don't involve their boss, that makes you look unprofessional. He's not her mum.