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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Hate MIL

57 replies

Bitesize89 · 14/04/2025 10:41

What the title says. I initially really liked her but the more I get to know her I just think she's an awful person tbh. She constantly talks about people's weight and how they need to lose weight. Recently we found out her daughter is expecting and she made a comment about how well she was doing losing weight but that she's disappointed that she's regained weight with morning sickness she could only stomach carbs. I can't believe she would talk about her own daughter who is pregnant like that. She looks like a twig and constantly boasts that she has such great self control and that more people should have as well so they wouldn't be fat. She hates all animals, even dogs and cats and took her to the park with my daughter the other day and she said under her breath really loudly what a horrible dog to someone just walking their dog. I was so embarrassed as this is in my community and I personally love cats and dogs. She constantly tells me they are nasty creatures. Shw comes over for a whole weekend and will play with my daughter so I look like th bad guy when I need to discipline her which is somewhat natural but what does my head in is how lazy she is. Her husband and my husband will be working on dIY and she will come and sit down all weekend and not lift a finger, she never offers to make a cup of tea or clean anything. I work full tim and will cook for the entire family and clean after every meal and she won't even offer to help. My husband already knows and agrees with me but he doesn't like confrontation. I feel like she should help out a little more, at least put her plate in the dishwasher after her meals or offer to help make sandwiches? Am I being unreasonable for thinking she should behave a bit better?

OP posts:
Naunet · 14/04/2025 14:16

Bitesize89 · 14/04/2025 14:07

He tries to help but he is out busy doing DIY

Bollocks, there is zero reason why he can't spend 20 minutes cleaning up the kitchen after you've cooked for his family.

redphonecase · 14/04/2025 14:18

Bitesize89 · 14/04/2025 14:07

He tries to help but he is out busy doing DIY

Are you hugely strapped for cash? if not, just pay someone to do the DIY

Wtafdidido · 14/04/2025 14:19

Stop cooking and pandering for them. Order pizza or something she’s not overly keen on for tea and say feel free to help your self to tea and make sandwiches at lunchtime. Send your husband and daughter there for the odd weekend and stay home and chillax on your own. Be vigilant for your nil’s comments about weight and appearance as your daughter gets older and as soon as you here her make any related comment shoot her down hard and tell her if she Evers passes comment on your daughters weight or appearance you will stop contact. Your daughter will not need such negativity in her life.

Livingbytheocean · 15/04/2025 11:49

It’s ridiculous she is staying over night when they live an hour away! The free labour is not worth losing every weekend in three/ four.

I would put a stop to it. The DIY jobs could and most probably will go on indefinitely as your dh has chosen to do this for his mother, not for your family or house.

Elsvieta · 15/04/2025 16:12

Well for starters tell DH that whenever she's around, he's in charge of cooking and cleaning up and generally waiting on her. Why haven't you? He might be a bit quicker to fob her off now and then, as soon as it makes more work for him instead of you.

Take DD out, ideally to somewhere with animals.

Tell MIL that a person's body is not their morals and you don't want DD to think it is, and that sort of talk has to stop - no exceptions, no excuses.

Think about getting a pet, if it would suit your household.

Go out to see a friend or get some alone time, and leave DH to take care of DD and his DM. Again, he might be less keen on having her round when the burden falls on him.

BeaAndBen · 15/04/2025 16:19

So you are using your FIL for free DIY labour and object to his wife coming with him.
Sorry, OP, if you want the free help you have to cope with the pair of them being there for the weekend.

Go out for a few hours if it’s getting on your nerves.

Cuppa2sugars · 15/04/2025 16:58

i like the getting an overweight dog idea willandra 😂

seriously though i think your hubby should do stuff with you both at weekends … if it’s difficult to stop the in-laws coming then reduce the visits.

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