I have a feeling I'll be told I'm being massively unreasonable because they're his family but I'm so disappointed in them all.
Stbxh and I are separating after 17 years. 2 primary aged dc.
I caught xh meeting up with his colleague after they finished work - at midnight- going for walks along trails and meeting up in car parks. He denied he was late from work for months and instead tried to convince me I was suffering from paranoia. He succeeded to some extent. There's a history of incompetence bordering on neglect with the kids and laziness around the house prior to this.
That was September last year, since then he has orchestrated situations to make me look crazy - things like answering the phone as if it's the 100th time I've called when it's the first (phone records can easily prove it), lying about what time he's meeting people and then arriving late (to them) and blaming me.
He's threatened me with arrest, told me stories about 'other people's he's arrested at work to intimidate me. He says he's untouchable but he has to teach me a lesson. There are dozens of things I could write. He's also told our dc they misremembered something that made him look bad - they hadn't!
The latest lesson surrounded photos that were backed up to an amazon account. The amazon account is in his name but we both used it. I somehow deleted all my photos from 2018-2020 from my Gmail so this was the only copy of my dc baby photos online. Last week I logged on to check he had ordered the correct coloured item for dcs birthday - he had previous of ordering the wrong one.
I saw an order for something I didn't recognise and asked him about it. He denied it existed, I said what do you mean? It shows you collected it at x y z. He lost his shit.
He changed the amazon password and locked me out. Said I had no right to my photos and if I was nice he would download them for me. I also realised it wasn't just baby photos on there, there were intimate photos from after I had the kids. Not sexual just trying to survey the damage. Realising he had all of my screenshots, photos, everything just made me feel so incredibly violated.
He said if I watched him delete them then he wouldn't do it. Obviously I do not trust him. He said as he was doing it that all he has to do is lock his phone and it's over no more photos. So he did lock it when I refused to move away. I was standing about 2 feet away just observing it being done.
So I rang his dad in tears to explain what he'd done - I've never reached out like this to them before- and explained what he'd said in the hopes that he'd come and watch him delete everything. I shared with him that dh had said I was a cancer in his life this week as I am still reeling from that- for no reason except I now see him for what he is and dont believe his lies. Dfil said he wouldn't get involved.
At dc birthday party one family member approached me to say he was unhappy with dhs behaviour but then spent the party happily chatting. Dsil has been a friend for last 17 years. Dh has shown very little interest in days out so me and dsil regularly met up a few times a month. The day dsil had her daughter, I was at the hospital dropping off essentials as she came early. Dh did not meet his niece until she was 4mo and that was only because I told him he had to.
I've supported dfil with applying for pip, as in did the applications, offered general help with tech. Dsil knows what dh is like and no one has said a single word to him about his behaviour towards me and my dc.
I don't know how to proceed. I want to maintain the kids relationships with their cousins but I think if they brush this under the rug I won't be able to stand being around them.
Stbxh has never facilitated time with his side, its alwaye been me as he has extensive hobbies that obviously take priority. I'm not asking for them to cut contact but for God's sake how can they not tell him his behaviour is disgusting? I just feel like I've given support freely to his family for years and years in so many different ways yet when it comes to supporting me in the worst time of my life no one is saying a word.