To contacted a friend who is ghosting me

[pussinboots61]

I know some friendships can fade out but how do you deal with a friend who is ghosting you and completely ignoring you?

A friend who I've been good friends with for the past eight years has suddenly stopped contacting me. We haven't fallen out or anything.

We met at work and clicked straight away because we share the same sense of humour. However, she does have a down side where she can be snappy for no reason and for this reason some people at work couldn't take to her fully,

I went away with her for a week two years ago and it wasn't the laugh and fun I thought it would be as she was snappy with me for no reason but I let it go.

She met some new friends about two years ago whilst she was away on her own and she did change after that. They are the party boozy types were I am not anymore. She was suddenly all for them but still met me and kept in contact with me but spent our whole meetings just going on about them and texting them. Not that I am jealous as I have other friends but I don't behave like that. I felt she was being rude.

Anyway we were in touch via Facebook messenger daily until January of this year when she replied to my text when I asked her if she was OK as I hadn't heard from her for a week and she said she was fine and with her son for his birthday and that she would message me the next day. I have heard nothing from her since.

I messaged her to ask if she was OK, still no reply. I left it a few days and messeged her again, still nothing. But then I noticed that she was active on Facebook so knew she was OK at least. Then came the photos of her being away with these other friends boozing and partying. I put a comment on her post, tagging her in, to say I am glad that she's OK as I had been concerned about her but no response, even though she's replied to other people who have commented the post.

I feel loathed to contact her again but it hurts that she is treating me like this. She used to tell me that she thought a lot of me as a friend. She even asked me to go and view a flat with her that she had been offered two years ago as she valued my opinion.

Should I try and contact her again or forget her but how can I move on from it?

Don't bother. If she was difficult, and you tolerated her, she probably had nobody else. She has shown her true colours now.

I'm sorry you feel sad, but once you make your mind up to dump her, it will be easier.

You are wasting your time contacting her and to be quite frank she doesn’t deserve such a caring friend.
We meet friends for all different types of reasons, and the same goes for the reasons why they stay in our lives.
Your friend sounds like she moves in cycles.
These new friends are party friends and if that’s her thing, that’s her thing. But social/boozy friends are very different to loyal ones who are really there for you.
At this point, you probably don’t know what’s going on in her world. She doesn’t want you to. She’s masking it by searching for fun.
She also sounds like hard work if she was snappy with you.
As a female losing a close female friend can be absolutely awful. But you have other friends - concentrate your efforts on meeting up with them and let this one go.
This woman probably can’t face any type of reality check or meaningful conversation right now.
I am sorry you have been treated shabbily, you sound like a fab friend!

It’s a shabby way to treat someone, but it’s highly unlikely you’ll get the closure you need from her, OP. You’d be in a much healthier mindset if it’s the kind of thing you can find closure for yourself for.

A friend did this to me once. It’s now been over 2 years. I don’t need people in my life like that who like to create passive dramas, so I’m happy to fill the space with better relationships.

You wouldn't gain anything she'll just ignore you so move on

She ghosted you? That’s all you need to know. You don’t chase people who’ve already walked out the door. Friendship is like capital if it’s not yielding value or respect, you divest. You gave her chances, she made her choice. Now make yours: move on, level up, and don’t look back. Let her party while you build peace. That’s the real win.

Do not humiliate yourself by contacting her.

She’s met a new group of people who fit in with how she wants to spend her time. You don’t anymore. It sounds like this friendship has been fading for a while, and she finally decided to exit altogether. I imagine your post saying ‘Glad you are ok’ came across as a bit of a dig, and will have made her feel justified in dropping you.

You’d be better off finding friends who better fit how you like to spend your free time.

I'd leave it at that, if I were you.. sadly, she's shown her true colours, though from the sounds of it she'd already begun to on your disastrous holiday.

You have other friends, others who truly care about you. Focus on them xx

Oh I don't know, maybe having to contact each other every day just became a bit too much for her. You asked if she was ok, she said she was. Then you asked again. And again. And then asked again publicly tagging her.

It's a bit stalkerish. Is there any reason why you would genuinely think she was not ok when she's posting about being out with friends? I think was that was a passive aggressive post from you and can see why she might be pissed off.

Kindly OP, she isn’t interested in the friendship you had previously. Her non-response to you IS a response by default, and it’s telling you she doesn’t feel the same as you.

Yes move on. Respect works both ways. Focus on new friends. It is not nice op. I lost a 20 yr friend it did hurt. But once my trust goes thats it.

She’s a friend you drifted apart from, not a fiancé who jilted you at the altar. You’re being a bit intense.

If she wanted to hear from you, she wouldn’t have ignored your previous messages. Just take the very obvious hint and leave her alone. She’s made that very clear by not engaging with you. It was also weird of you to message her repeatedly when she didn’t reply the first time.

You obviously didn’t get on very well together when you went on holiday with her and as a result, she probably realised the friendship had run its course. She is allowed to have other friends and she is allowed to go out drinking with them and she is allowed to be online without answering messages. You need to accept that she isn’t interested.

I am hardly being a stalker! I messaged her to check that she was OK as for all I know she could be been ill or anything could have happened. I put the comment on her Facebook post just to let her know I was concerned about her. That's not stalking someone, its being a concerned friend. I have not messaged her since.

Yes she is allowed to have other friends, like I am allowed to have other friends which I have. I just don't like being ignored for no reason, the same as most people would feel I can imagine. Its not being intense, its just wondering what happened to a friendship and why I am being ignored for no reason.

Sorry, also as for the messaging every day, she was more than happy with that. In fact she used to often message me asking me where I was. There was also a time when I had fallen asleep on my sofa and she rang me to ask why I wasn't online as she was concerned about me. I class that as her wanting a friendship and being concerned about me. I didn't think she was stalking me for one minute so why should she think I am stalking her?

She has behaved badly to you and you are allowed to feel bad about that. Try not to chase her any further and instead focus your energy on friends who treat you well.

Thank you for those of you who have responded positvely and can understand my situation.

I will not be contacting this friend anymore and see if she contacts me, if she doesn't then she doesn't, time to move on. Thank you.

But you knew she was OK because you put it on a post of her out partying with her friends?

Yes I know but I was merely showing concern, that's all. I am that type of person who shows concern about people.

Posting on her Facebook photos showing her out having fun to say you’re relieved she’s OK is definitely passive aggressive.

You can see perfectly well that she’s fine and just hasn’t been in touch. Posting about it on her photos (possibly ones with other people tagged?) is basically having a public moan that she’s ignoring you for other people.

She hasn’t ghosted you. Ghosting is blocking and deleting, vanishing of the face of the earth. She just hasn’t bothered to reply. Your friendship has drifted.

You come across as a bit intense (or dramatic?) about it. Maybe she pulled back as she’s not in that phase with you anymore.

I am also the type of person who shows concern about people. But this message and the message that you put on your friend's Facebook post both come across as a little passive aggressive.

But it won't have looked like real concern, because you knew she was out and OK? Like a previous poster said, it would have looked like passive aggression.

Why would you need to show concern for someone who was posting happy photos of herself partying with friends?

I think you might just need to accept, sad as it is, she doesn't want to be your friend.

I have a friend a bit like this. What she doesn't seem to understand is that I don't always want her showing 'concern' for me. If I don't contact her it's because I don't want to. She's the type of person that would be on the phone every day. I'm not.

The relationship has ended and she has moved on.

Don't go chasing her when she's already made it clear she has dropped you.

Some people can't face the, 'I wish you well but I've made new friends now.. ' conversation. That shows her lack of character.

Sorry OP but take the hint and stop contacting her. She obviously, for whatever reason, doesn't want to be in contact with you anymore. Friendships sometimes wane and fizzle out for many reasons, just let it go and concentrate on your other friendships.

Same, it's all so intense. I realised my friend had never replied positively to 'how are you?' in the last 10 years. When she phoned me on my birthday and I asked how she was, she immediately sighed and said 'well you know...' and my heart just sank. We did end up having a good catch up but still, all a bit glum. It's all 'concern' and sad faces and support. Maybe OP's friend just wants to have some fun for a bit.