Ignoring whatsapp messages

[Funkybananabread]

This is just really annoying me so thought I’d see if anyone else is in the same boat.

In a WhatsApp friends group (about 6 of us) and if I suggest doing something (like going out for a meal, going to a gig / event) sometimes people just don’t respond at all. Sometimes they do (presumably if they are interested in going/are free!) but other times just completely ignore. It’s not just me btw - although I do suggest things the most often just because I like going out and about. We do meet up regularly but tends to be at someone’s house (we all have youngish children). It’s not a money issue either -5m they all seem to have an equal or a lot more disposable income than we do.
My view is that this is so rude! If you don’t want to go /can’t go then surely you should just respond saying so? I always do (and am quite honest - for example will say something like sorry that’s not my cup of tea but have a great time).
i am very tempted to just ask them why they don’t respond when we next meet up but worried how this will come across? WIBU to just ask why they don’t reply?

I wouldn’t get bent out of shape about it and I’d give friends some grace during the young-children-years. Sometimes the brain is just way too full and not everyone is the same as you. Assume no answer is a thanks but no thanks.

Why should people HAVE to respond?
If they don't reply they're clearly not interested.

Rude would be saying yes please then not turning up.

Yes it's rude to just blank people who have asked you a direct question. A simple no thank you, to someone you call a friend is really bottom of the floor level manners.

Yes. If someone put an @ sign and a direct question to me then obviously I'd reply, as that would be rude not to.

But this is a group message asking several people at the same time. Not asking directly. So no direct response is required.

I think it depends on the size of the group. In the one you describe, yes it's rude because it is a small number of people who all know each other quite well. Once it goes over about ten people, I'd say the opposite applies - just respond if you can make it.

Hmm. I have a friend who would probably say this.

People have stopped bothering to reply because she only asks us to meet up when her husband is busy, and if you do make plans she changes them repeatedly.

But to find those @ messages you have to scroll through all the others so even that can be a hassle.

Yes polite to reply. My friends are quite good on whatsapp. God it takes a minute to reply yes or no..

They don't need to @ you for it to be a direct question. There's 5 people being asked, including you. This is someone OP calls a friend and I can't believe people like you treat their friends so badly.

Just stop offering. I have friends like this, I also have friends who aren’t like this. Guess which ones I invite places? 😄

Yes it’s rude.

Oh God I do this all the time. I consider a non reply to be a no. The same works the other way, if I message a suggestion in a group chat I only expect the interested people to respond. In fact it would be annoying if everyone who wasn’t interested replied with a no and said what they’re doing instead, it would derail the conversation.

I think it's polite to reply. Nobody should expect an immediate reply but what if no one replies? Surely if they are your friends, no should nake you feel like shit by ignoring you. If it's not your thing, just say so.

I dont like to respond if I can't go to a group chat because often someone will suggest change of date. And by the time you try to find a date that suits everyone it is too far away. Would always respond if asked directly.

I wouldn't ask on MN for friend etiquette - most people seem to hate theirs.

If you can't even be arsed to send a "no thank you" to someone you apparently like, why are they even your friend?

Am so glad my friends are nicer people than the average mumsnetter

YANBU OP

I find group messages overwhelming, I have most of them muted and just open periodically and scan over the messages quickly to see if there’s anything important, I don’t properly read them. I wouldn’t reply to a group message asking if I want to do something unless my answer was yes, I don’t feel like there’s any need to say no as surely my silence conveys that anyway. It’s nothing personal when I ignore people on a group but I don’t think the rules of message etiquette are the same for a group as they are when you message someone individually.

Thanks for your replies everyone.
Totally agree in a large group chat that I wouldn’t reply if interested but in a small group most people seem to agree that it is quite rude to ignore.
I will just keep responding politely and let the annoyance wash over me!

I find it rude too. I have a few different friendship/WhatsApp groups and on the majority, people would always reply whether it was a yes or a no. But one group of friends, people will just ignore if they don’t want to do something. And I’m always left thinking…should I ask again, did they miss the message, or is their silence their way of saying no?

That said, I wouldn’t bring it up with them and make a thing out of it, as it could cause tension/be awkward, I just don’t think it’s a battle worth fighting.

Sometimes my phone pings and I read it, then DD shouts "I NEED A WEEEEE" so I put down the phone to take her to the loo, then she wants a drink, or the washer beeps and I need to take things out and by the time I've remembered there was a message (which no longer has an unread 1 by it so no reminder) it's three days later and I've forgotten to respond.

So if they have small children at home, and work and run a house, maybe it's not rude it's just life getting in their way?

I’m conflicted here…I am usually a ‘reply-er’ in group chats as it’s just polite.

However, here is where I’m conflicted: With a question situation, such as yours OP, if the first couple of replies say ‘no, sorry not for me’, this tends to set the tone for everyone. So you’ll end up with a lot of ‘no’ responses. So if my reply was a ‘no’ I’d probably not respond on the chat…instead I would private message so as not to derail the chat 🤷‍♀️

But it takes seconds to type “Sorry, at the in-laws that weekend” or “Not really my thing, so I’ll sit this one out”. Your friend knows where she stands and can book for those people who do want to go rather than waiting around wondering if you haven’t seen it, just haven’t had time to reply etc., and doesn’t then have to chase you to check. Why deliberately make life more difficult for everyone?

Fair enough, but sometimes I'm too busy to reply as I might not know if I'm free them forget to reply. I'm not intentionally being rude, I'm just busy.

All the people who declare they are 'too busy' for simple replies to friends, actual people you like and choose to have relationships with must be horrifically slow readers and typers. It honestly takes seconds. No one is that busy, no matter how popular you like to think yourself as being.

Sometimes my friends ask a general group a question and I am undecided. So don’t answer. Then I forget. It’s nothing personal.

Why demand immediate answers from everyone? You have no idea what’s going on in their life. If you’re that bothered about going somewhere with that person specifically, then maybe make the effort to call them for a chat and see how they’re doing?