To think this should be considered harassment?

[Onerandomperson]

Maybe it is and I don't know it.

I used to see someone back in college days (in late 20s) we were never official and he was quite frankly horrible to me. I cut things off, and moved on with my life after being on/off with him for years and years and having enough of it never going anywhere. I really liked him.

Anyways, since then he has constantly been trying to message me. I've blocked him off multiple things and he finds my other social media accounts to try and send requests on. Worst case when he couldn't reach me he pretended to be a mutual friend and messaged me of his phone. Eventually I had to block said friend since despite telling him I wanted nothing to do with this guy, he kept trying to invite me out knowing this guy would be there and presumably set me up.

I felt so worn down with his persistence that I eventually (with dp's blessing) went to meet up with him to see what the hell he wanted. It was stupid I know. He very clearly wanted to see if the door was still open even though he knows I have a long term partner and DC. Whenever I questioned his motive he claimed it was innocent and would act oblivious to his constant attempts of communication.

He used to joke that we could both get married and yet still have something going. I thought this was a joke until now.

He's yet again messaged me, after I ignored a friend request on a inactive account that I don't even use.

I've told dp and he thinks nothing of it. But I feel worn down by his appearances in my life even if they are every so often. It's been nearly ten years of this. Surely this should count as some sort of harassment! When I've challenged him on this he says he just wants to be friends ect... Then admitted he did like me back then and just never said it. I really don't get his angle and how at this point he hasn't moved on with his life. I don't understand what he wants with me especially since we never dated. He is a very attractive guy and always had girls around him, so why me?!

Of course it’s harassment! Why haven’t you reported it? I would’ve done so years ago, and it was a very odd choice to meet up with him

I would say at least harassment, possibly stalking. Report to the police.

@Ratisshortforratthew I didn't think you could report someone for just constantly sending friend requests and trying to communicate with someone. It sounds very non eventful on paper but in truth it just makes me uncomfortable that this is still going on and it isn't letting up.

@MagentaRocks I assumed stalking was a lot more intense encounters. It's not like he is showing up at my house.

The persistence and using friends numbers, different accounts suggest an unhealthy obsession which could be worrying. I’m not saying he is dangerous but don’t assume he isn’t.

Have you told him to not contact you again. If you haven’t, then do so now and don’t respond if he contacts you again. Screenshot any messages and friend requests etc so you have proof if he deletes them.

Unfortunately, by going to meet up with him, you've essentially set a number on "how many times will I need to message her before she'll give in and respond to me?" Now he thinks "okay, I need to bug her 25 times and then she'll see me."

Just keep ignoring forever.

Send one message saying very clearly 'I do not wish to hear from you ever again. Stop trying to contact me. Your behaviour is harassment and as such if I have any more attempts from you to get in touch with me I shall contact the police and report you.'

Screenshot and then follow through with the police if you here any more ever.

This ^^

@MagentaRocks yes I've told him not to contact me many times

You can and should report this to police via 101.

@cakeandteaandcake I just don't see what the police will/can do. I'm assuming he isn't breaking a law by sending friend requests over and over

You can speak to the Suzy Lamplugh Trust, or Paladin for advice on next steps x

Have you tried 'Im married, with a DC now. Piss off and stop being a creepy fucker".

He's presumably chasing as you're the "one that got away", as you're not fawning over him and showing you've no interest.

He’s been told you don’t want any contact from him yet he persists. You need to stop seeing it as “friend requests” and start seeing it for what it is, unwanted contact ie harassment.
Police can and will act on this, it comes under the Telecommunication act, and at the very least police will be having a word with him to stop.

Talk to police no emergency line.
A police officer will probably call him and tell him to stop it - a friend of mine received a phone call like that after as ex friend accused her of harrassment

So sorry OP. Please report this as harassment to the police. He sounds utterly deranged and dangerous.

Why would you assume that? Harassment is illegal. They can at the very least have a word with him and warn him to stop.

He is. Protection From Harassment Act.

This but say you HAVE contacted the police.

then call 101 and report it so they have it on file. Any further friend request or messages screen shot them and report to 101 who will log it on the file

@Poppyseeds79 ugh you've most likely hit the nail on the head. He always tried to reach out to me when he was in relationships so I just assumed that he clearly had no respect for his own, so why would he for mine. But now I'm thinking it's just a thing of despite him having a partner himself he always wanted to check he had me and maybe this is that.

Of course I told him about DP and dc. I think if anything hearing that enticed him more ( well it certainly didn't deter him like it would any normal person) because he then went on to make Milf comments.

I also feel like he keeps periodically checking to see if I'm in interested yet or if I've left my partner. The last time I spoke to him he was demanding I leave him voice messages and call him. Just gave me the creeps

The message Hatty upthread posted is great, but I would also amend to you have contacted the police.

And the police do take this seriously. My friend had similar and the police contacted him and told him he had been told to stop and they were now following that up with the message to stop. She never heard from him again (thankfully). Ring 101 and tell them. Message him once more the message above and then report any more comms to the police.

Can you message him and say something along the lines of "Will you just F off, you were vile when we were in a relationship and now I am happy in a relationship I realise just how awful a human you were. I am getting to the point of reporting you to the police for stalking so will you stop this by just leaving me alone"

You should definitely take the advice of one last message and then follow through on contacting the police if he continues. The utter arrogance of the man is astounding and you would be under-reacting to do nothing.

I don't think you should have met with him or you should have taken your partner along when you did and been very clear that you would be reporting the unwanted contact to the police if it continued. In the meantime, go to the police, change your number and either remove yourself from social media or update your security settings. Be clear also with mutual friends what the situation is. You've let this go on for far too long.