To think this should be considered harassment?

[Onerandomperson]

Maybe it is and I don't know it.

I used to see someone back in college days (in late 20s) we were never official and he was quite frankly horrible to me. I cut things off, and moved on with my life after being on/off with him for years and years and having enough of it never going anywhere. I really liked him.

Anyways, since then he has constantly been trying to message me. I've blocked him off multiple things and he finds my other social media accounts to try and send requests on. Worst case when he couldn't reach me he pretended to be a mutual friend and messaged me of his phone. Eventually I had to block said friend since despite telling him I wanted nothing to do with this guy, he kept trying to invite me out knowing this guy would be there and presumably set me up.

I felt so worn down with his persistence that I eventually (with dp's blessing) went to meet up with him to see what the hell he wanted. It was stupid I know. He very clearly wanted to see if the door was still open even though he knows I have a long term partner and DC. Whenever I questioned his motive he claimed it was innocent and would act oblivious to his constant attempts of communication.

He used to joke that we could both get married and yet still have something going. I thought this was a joke until now.

He's yet again messaged me, after I ignored a friend request on a inactive account that I don't even use.

I've told dp and he thinks nothing of it. But I feel worn down by his appearances in my life even if they are every so often. It's been nearly ten years of this. Surely this should count as some sort of harassment! When I've challenged him on this he says he just wants to be friends ect... Then admitted he did like me back then and just never said it. I really don't get his angle and how at this point he hasn't moved on with his life. I don't understand what he wants with me especially since we never dated. He is a very attractive guy and always had girls around him, so why me?!

if it was just a block and no response then the interpretation can be puzzling if they have previously been given permission to chat via x, etc

however if they had been told specifically to stop then as soon as you said that then they should of respected your wishes

You have responded in the past, even if it took many friend requests/messages/getting your friends involved - you responded. Then to top it off you agreed to meet with him, in the hope a face-to-face meeting would deter him. The fact is, nothing will deter him. He knows that eventually you will get so fed up with the friend requests/messages, that you will give in. What you need to do is send him one absolutely final message: Dear Stalker. Please do not contact me by any means or in any form again. Your attention is unwanted and you have repeatedly been told of this, therefore it's harassment. Your harassment is stalking, which are both illegal. Your behaviour has been reported to the police.
You need to take screenshots of messages/friend requests etc going forward. I don't expect for one minute he will stop, because he's arrogant, and also will believe you are bluffing. You do need to report his behaviour, even if you no longer have any evidence, so it can be logged. His behaviour is persistent and unwanted, and therefore is harassment. The reasons behind his actions are irrelevant, and it's not worth frying your brain to try and figure out his motives. His behaviour is obsessional and unhealthy, that's all you need to know!

The fact you've been talking to him and met him would mean it'd be a struggle to prove it as Harassment. It's not Harassment if it's a back and forth otherwise happy conversation. But the fact he's creating new accounts etc is concerning and might tip the balance.

I agree with PP to tell him once and for all that anymore contact in anyway and you will report him. Then COMPLETELY IGNORE any further attempts from him, screenshot them but do not respond.

Then go to police.

Ffs police don’t “log” things. Don’t waste their time “logging” things and don’t lie and say you’ve contacted police when you haven’t, that nullifies any evidence

@LookingAtMyBhunas that was years ago. After I realised his motivations I told him to pack it in and stopped responding but he hasn't

Yes they do.

In my 20+ years doing the very job, the “log” means nothing other than to say yes this person called and made an allegation. That’s all it is, an unsubstantiated allegation

Yes it’s harassment. Next time he contacts you, make it very clear you will be contacting police if he ever tries to contact you again. Then make sure you actually report it.

He police will issue him with a Harassment Information Notice and it prevents him from contacting you or anyone associated with you, for 12 months. If he still contacts you after that, he’ll be arrested.

Wow that was on overreaction and I don’t think you read my post.

The police do put a log on if a person reports something. Telling people that they don’t log crimes could put someone off reporting and the consequences could be devastating

and

I said tell him she has contacted the police AND then to call 101 and report him. I did not say to lie in any way shape of form. It is all very clear in my post. Not sure why you have got so confused

Why are you seemingly reluctant to see it as serious? Behaviour is a language and he's been telling you for years he's not listening to your boundaries so why do you think it's going to change? He's disrespecting you, your husband and the family unit you've created together so if I were you, I'd send the message other posters suggested and tell him ANY future attempts (directly or indirectly through friends) will result in you contacting the police. And then follow through. Best of luck.

Love the way that some posters on this thread are telling the police officer on the thread what the law is 😂😂

Semantics. The police officer has said the police will make a record of an allegation. They’ll log it, in other words.

OP definitely make a complaint to the police about his harassment.

He's playing a game with you and its nothing more than an ego boost for him to see if he can get you to say you have always liked him etc. The reality is he would run a mile if you said you wanted to give it another go and have a serious relationship with him.

But the above is irrelevant. I'm interested to know if you have ever said very clearly and bluntly to him that you don't find him attractive, that he makes your skin crawl and you pity him and whatever woman he's now with because you are thankful each and every day that you didn't end up with him?

I'm guessing that initially (all those years ago) you were more into this man than he was into you? So whenever this man needs an ego boost he will go looking for it?

I would also do this, every time as it builds a profile of what he's doing. I'd also send that final message someone wrote abivextobmsjecit very clear about your future plans should he try to keep making contact
Good luck, it's not acceptable behaviour so don't let him get into you otherwise you'll be living on eggshells

This might be helpful. I sent a “cease and desist” when I was a similar situation and it helped draw a very clear line in the sand - I heard nothing more.

https://www.rocketlawyer.com/business-and-contracts/intellectual-property/copyrights/legal-guide/what-can-a-cease-and-desist-letter-do#:~:text=Stop%20harassment.,-You%20can%20also&text=A%20Cease%20and%20Desist%20Letter%20effectively%20operates%20as%20a%20warning,police%20cannot%20enforce%20your%20letter.

if youve blocked him off all social media accounts and he’s still managing to send constant friend requests then doesn’t that mean he’s constantly setting up new accounts for that purpose? If so that sounds serious enough to constitute harassment surely?

Have you told him to desist from contacting you, that you consider his behaviour harassment and if it continues you will contact the police?