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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think DH is being a total obstructive misery

55 replies

MintSausage · 13/04/2025 10:21

House needs redecorating. It’s been like this for years. DH works very long hours, and has done a couple of big jobs but it takes a full weekend. Part of the problem is that he is so overly precise about everything, can’t find the stuff he needs, spends ages on YouTube looking at ‘how to videos’ and is easily distracted.

I’m trying to also get jobs done, but every step of the way is a nightmare. His immediate reaction is to comment negatively on whatever I am doing. I put the sander back in the garage yesterday intending to use it this morning. He’d gone out after I’d done that and brought it into the house, saying it’ll get damp in the garage. It’s good weather at the moment! I am not stupid.

Everything he is commenting on, complaining about and he is absolutely driving me nuts. I prefer it when he is at work and I can just get on.

I’ve spent about two weeks trying samples of paint colours, and he has had a problem with every f*ing thing I try.

And then he’s done f.all this weekend except watch football, listen to the radio, complain and stomp about. No DIY from him at all, just moaning at whatever I’ve done.

OP posts:
MintSausage · 14/04/2025 09:00

I think he does this behaviour at work all day - he goes in at 6, comes back at 9. At least I can crack on now.

OP posts:
EveryFlavourJellyBeans · 14/04/2025 09:22

Totally hear you!

DH will spend hours filling and sanding dents in walls that are destined to be hidden behind furniture. He will make multiple trips to B&Q. Total perfectionist for things that don't matter and it does my head in. He hates DIY, mostly because he can never achieve perfection, so getting him to willingly undertake any job is a chore.

If I try and do anything he will hover and correct me. Point out the things that I already know about.

I sympathise OP. DH does have other redeeming features thankfully and I'm determined that our next house will be a new build!

localhere · 14/04/2025 09:26

Don’t know about you but in my last relationship i would’ve said ‘why don’t we just get A MAN in?’ He’d be down b&q faster than anything.

Dontletthebedbugsbite2 · 14/04/2025 09:36

I think people don't realise how much this ruins everything living with someone like this. Of course he works & needs downtime - so why doesn't he just let the OP get on with what she's doing & he can then offer a hand later. But no he's hanging over her, micro managing, telling her it looks shit, she's not doing it properly. After my mum died I re-decorared DR'S bedroom - more as something to keep me busy & to make it nice for DC who were devastated also. My H was in every 2 minutes telling me it looked terrible, I didn't know what I was doing, did I want his MUM to come and help me!? It was so bad that I actually ended the relationship there & then. We did regretfully get back together & that is still a work in progress, but it's so hard to have someone take a back seat, not help you & then basically just tell you how shit you are at everything. I am a competent DIYer, but I now don't do anything because it's honestly not worth the hassle.

Streaaa · 14/04/2025 09:47

@Dontletthebedbugsbite2 your relationship sounds controlling and abusive.
I hope you are protecting yourself.

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