To think DH is being a total obstructive misery

[MintSausage]

House needs redecorating. It’s been like this for years. DH works very long hours, and has done a couple of big jobs but it takes a full weekend. Part of the problem is that he is so overly precise about everything, can’t find the stuff he needs, spends ages on YouTube looking at ‘how to videos’ and is easily distracted.

I’m trying to also get jobs done, but every step of the way is a nightmare. His immediate reaction is to comment negatively on whatever I am doing. I put the sander back in the garage yesterday intending to use it this morning. He’d gone out after I’d done that and brought it into the house, saying it’ll get damp in the garage. It’s good weather at the moment! I am not stupid.

Everything he is commenting on, complaining about and he is absolutely driving me nuts. I prefer it when he is at work and I can just get on.

I’ve spent about two weeks trying samples of paint colours, and he has had a problem with every f*ing thing I try.

And then he’s done f.all this weekend except watch football, listen to the radio, complain and stomp about. No DIY from him at all, just moaning at whatever I’ve done.

Ignore him. Put headphones on and crack on what whatever you plan on doing. There's no point in engaging with him if nothing constructive comes of it.

Do you need any help constructing a patio, OP?

😂

besides wanting to vent, do you want your DH to change, OP?

This is yet another reason why I don't have a husband. I have had in the past and none of them can be bothered.
I have had my whole house de-artexed and the painted it all myself in the bold colours I like. It looks lovely.

I have one of these. After 20 years I have broken. I have bought myself my own toolkit, got in trades where I need to and just got on with stuff. I feel so much better and wish I had done it years ago. He doesn’t like the colour I have painted the living room, thinks I have bodged some external painting (I have) and I have spent money. The money is justified because we can afford it and he has chosen not to do his part of house maintenance so I am outsourcing it. Good luck.

Yep, kick him out...

Send him over my way!!

He and I would be a good match, I want things done well as well and don't appreciate a bodge job.

He works full-time and there's no reason he can't have damn time on a weekend to relax,

Are you by chance a teacher?

I used to discuss things with DH, he is not hands on at all, I am capable of a lot more than he is. The discussions used to take forever, largely because he didn't think things needed doing. I found myself justifying necessary work for months. A couple of years ago I decided that I know what needs doing, so I will either do it or pay someone else to; DH get no say whatsoever, and he never bothers to mention it afterwards, just lives happily in an improved environment.

There’s bodging or living in a shit 80’s kitchen with missing tiles, orange oak doors that are peeling lacquer, missing doors and kitchen appliances in other rooms around the house because the kitchen isn’t sorted!
And I’m not bodging! I’ve sanded the door right down and it looks so much better!

You don't have to live like this, other ways of life are available.

Just do it!

It’s taken us putting our house on the market for dh to finish the jobs he’s started over the years lol I have to laugh about it or it gets me mad

Negativity like that is very hard on your mental health.
You will avoid him more and more as the children age.

My friend was married to someone like that.
Being grumpy, negative became a habit for him.

She got on with things, raised her two children and took them out on her own, went on holidays on her own as it was easier.
She had a quiet plan for years in the making.
Got them to secondary school.
Upskilled.
Told him the marriage was over and that she was happy to sell the house.
He tried to discuss it but she wouldn't entertain it.
They split the cost of the house but the children made it crystal clear they would not be staying with him and wanted her to go to court if necessary.
He was genuinely surprised.

He pays CM at the highest rate and his children will have dinner once a month with him maximum.
Her eldest daughter has said that she will do her own thing when she turns 18 this summer.
He actually has told people he doesn't know what he ever did wrong.
My friend doesn't care, she is just thrilled to be divorced and living in a small happy peaceful house.
She has absolutely no interest in ever sharing a house with a man again.
She wouldn't ever risk it.

I’d say you need one, booked conversation where you describe the issue in a non emotional way- then tell him to stop micromanaging you every time he starts to step in.

‘I know you are detail oriented and want to research the options before doing anything. When you do jobs, that’s absolutely fine. I won’t interfere.
I am happier working it out as I go and I particularly like getting things finished. If I need help I’ll let you know, but in the meantime just let me get on with it in my own way.
I’m going to start on the kitchen’

I couldn't live like this. Having a tidy house is important to me, luckily DH is similar. DH does some himself but for big stuff we do get people in. I think it really depends on personality. Some of our friends spend loads on holidays each year but happily live with very a old bathroom suite, kitchen, carpets and unpainted walls.

We needed a new kitchen floor so we'll be doing a few days camping this year instead of going abroad.

Tell him if he won't let you do, he'll have to pay to get someone in.

I'm not sure you can compel him to do diy tbh. I have a few friends who are constantly nagging their DHs and honestly getting someone in is the way to go.

Honestly OP i had one of these. Wouldn't let me do anything and if I tried he would huff, puff and take over just enough to stop me (and actually break or make the job worse) OR say he will do it so stop nagging OR say it doesn't need doing, it's not that bad OR refuse trades because he can do it. I was not allowed to pay for someone.

The last 20 years have been a living hell in a shithole that I was too embarrassed to have people visit, and my children never had friends over. It broke me. We are now divorcing and I can't wait to live in a nice, clean, tidy house. Don't let your DH break you too.

I had one of those. Note the past tense. Life is way too short

I had one of these. I also couldn't do anything without him, his response was always that it was our house and he wouldn't just choose a paint colour without me but he found a problem with absolutely everything. We had a cheap crappy tiny ikea table for 15 years because he wouldn't agree to any table I chose, second hand, new, cheap, expensive. I used to ask him to send me 3 tables he liked and I'd choose but he would research every table ever made and never choose some to send as it was a constant project. I left him for other reasons, but on the other side I can see how controlling he was.

When I moved out and bought a lovely oak table on FB marketplace, it felt amazing.

Interestingly, I caught up with mutual friends who said my ex was being diagnosed with autism, so I'm wondering whether it's the same for yours. Not that it makes a massive difference but maybe it would help him to navigate this if he can see it's autistic behaviours he can manage vs reasonable normal actions (which is what mine always thought he was being).

tbh, he sounds like a bit of a d*ckhead ... such 'perfectionism' is usually an indication of just not wanting to do it. Does he have a tidy sock drawer? Go and mess it up a bit 😂

In a possible defence of the pernickerty goodfornothing, my ex and I had a massive old house in a state of some disrepair ... I'm not good at DIY and didn't enjoy doing it, but ended up almost every weekend for years dressed in shitty clothes, doing DIY badly ... now I'm single (for unrelated reasons) I rejoice in not having to do any DIY, and like to spend the weekend poncing about in my most stylish clothing 😂I'm about to pay someone to paint my kitchen 😄

Possibly a triplet.
I have the third one here.
Mood drainer.

She sounds like the controlling arse! He works long hours and she expects him to spend all weekend decorating and then complains that he wants do everything properly! She’s probably the same person who’d come on here if he cut corners!

You have choices, OP. My choice wouldn't be to live with someone like that.

Just crack on with it and don’t ask his opinion.

I’ve been decorating my house since January and got my living room done in about 6 hours today. Granted it’s a new build so minimal prep but once you start you’ll be flying.

Is this what you want your life to be? Constant struggle?

Your DH sounds a lot like my DH, after years of trying to appease and feeling like shit I’ve taken to opting out, and when I do stuff I don’t take his opinion on board. His perfectionism is his problem to sort out, the rest of us have lives to live. Good luck OP

So - the kitchen counter needed cutting. My input was to do it in situ. Nope! The sink, whole countertop cabinets underneath had to be removed/emptied.

It still wasn’t possible to remove countertop (seemed to have about 30 screws holding it, many hidden/impossible to get to.
It was then decided to do it in situ.
Cutting it was easy. Job done in 5 mins.

However the whole palaver of emptying cupboards, finding screws, removing the sink and then replacing it all took hours.

All of which was unnecessary if he’d just listened and done it in situ in the first place.

I tried to stay out of it as much as possible and went to mow the lawn.
Although I’d discovered that DH had put the lawnmower on the highest setting that barely cuts the grass at all.

So I had to do it twice.