Does it matter if you date someone your sibling has?

[PassingStranger]

Not happened to me, but would it bother you if say you dated the same person as a brother or sister of yours did?
It seems the 2 Beckham brothers Dorklyn and Romeo aren't speaking because Romeo is dating an ex of Dorklyns?

I would not be ok with this at all

😂😂. How did your sister feel about that out of curiosity?

Just because two people happened to meet first, I don’t think that should exclude finding your better match among their social network. I wouldn’t date casually, but if the person is “the one”, people need to get over bad timing.

I was thinking that CANNOT be his real name...

At first not happy...we eventually made up

I think it depends. It has the ick factor on paper but I can imagine circumstances where it would be OK.

If one sibling dated someone and then the other one dated them many years later with much water under the bridge it could be OK. Also very much depends on how serious the relationship was. Coming out of a very long, committed relationship with one sibling straight into one with another would be awful. If one sibling had had a one night stand with the person many years ago I can't see why that should be an automatic dealbreaker.

I've never done it for the record but I don't think its universally awful.

I dated a guy my sister fancied - I did not know at the time.

I binned him off cos she was upset and blood is thicker etc. (I was mid 20s, for context).

I think it is hard enought to do a break up without making it harder, so no way would I get involved with one of my siblings' exes, or my friends' exes, or generally anyone that is still labelled as someone else's ex.

😬😬😬

It’s gross.

Yes eew

Doesn't it bother you? I don't think I could get past the mental image of his penis having been inside her. It's the sex aspect that would bother me - both ways - from my point of view and also the idea that he would 'know' what we were both like sexually, privately, and could compare. It would make me feel sick and be such a turn off I don't think I'd get in that situation in the first place - I'd say no to even a kiss or a first date.

I would imagine a big part of how much it matters to anyone is how close you are and how well you get on with your sibling.

Yeah, what does that mean?😂

Ew.

If you could say 'that's not how your brother used to do it' then it's not a good relationship to be in.

This is almost never ok; the only circumstances it might be fine is something like if the person was your sibling’s short-term, unserious first relationship in high school, and you meet them again years later as adults and start a serious relationship. Getting with someone your sibling was seriously dating or has slept with just feels like crossing a boundary IMO.

I do agree, except for the poster on an old thread here who ended up with the brother of her kids dad. That was actually a really nice story!

Getting with someone your sibling was seriously dating or has slept with just feels like crossing a boundary IMO

yes. It’s the sex aspect of it all for me.

Not sure how to answer the poll and going by how close it is I’m assuming others can’t either. Definitely ick to me.
I know a girl who had a relationship with 3 brothers (separately). She settled and had children with one. It didn’t work out. I don’t think anyone could get past it tbh, and as the other siblings settled down/got married I know their partners had issues with it too. It was often talked about. She was a lovely girl but I think it was just too much for all involved.

I have in my circle of friends / colleagues / people I know that have mixed things up a bit.
A friend is now married to her friends husband & when they visit the area they used to live , they stay at hers.
Another friend is now married to a man her sister dated whilst they were both at college.
The strangest one is a colleques mum is married my colleagues father in law ! The two parents left their partners and married their children's in-laws!

The strangest one is a colleques mum is married my colleagues father in law ! The two parents left their partners and married their children's in-laws!

wait I’m lost?

Not siblings, but I know a lady (Ann) who had an aunt pass away, and the aunt’s husband married his MIL! So Ann’s uncle became her step grandfather. Gross.

One of my closest friends is married to a guy I dated for three years in my early 20s.It was my first really serious relationship. It doesn't bother me at all: there was a roughly 20 year gap between my splitting up with him and her getting together with him. They are manifestly better suited than he and I ever were. I've been married and divorced since and am now settled with someone else. It's absolutely not a problem: we see each other socially and I've stayed in their marital home.

I do think getting with someone you know someone you are close to is in love with is shitty and I think etiquette dictates that a respectful gap gets left for people to move on and forget the intimacy. But people don't own other people and as long as there's no infidelity or heartache I don't see the problem.

I know three instances of this, a friends mum when I was at school, she had children by two brothers, so children were siblings and cousins, neither relationship lasted very long.

My DH cousins, they are sisters, eldest sister is married to ex boyfriend of youngest sister and has a child with him, was a few years gap between the relationships and it’s never mentioned in the family now, but when we see them at family events I always just think I just couldn’t have done it knowing he’d been with my sister.

Third one, an ex colleague, had a baby with one man then got with his brother when baby was 6 months and they had another 2 children! They’re still together no marriage though.

I wouldn’t date a good friend’s ex, let alone a sibling’s.

There are so many people in the world, it really doesn't seem necessary. It would bring up awkward questions, even if unspoken, like whether you fancied them when they were with your sibling. It's a bit skeezy I think.

Luckily me and my sibling are interested in opposite sexes so it would never come up. But I wouldn't pursue anyone who had been with a friend or family member.

@Tandora

Boy meets girl , they start dating .
Boys dad meets girls mum , dad & mum leave their partners and marry.
Boy / girl marry . So her mum ( girls mum ) is married to boys dad so her father in law .