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Original poster

New partner room sharing with teenage step kids on holiday?

85 replies

GreatFatball · 12/04/2025 15:28

Background…

Close friend has been in a relationship with her partner since last summer. There was an overlap with her and his (nearly) ex-wife, but the ex doesn’t know this and they’d been together for the kids only for many years. They have 2 children together friend has none. As you can imagine the ex wasn’t too happy that her husband had “moved on” so quickly and has been quite difficult with divorce/child contact etc.

My friend has been well accepted by her partners family and in November they invited her to a 2 week family holiday to Disneyland for this coming autumn. Holiday would be her partners parents, siblings and their children as well as his children.

His ex was not happy learning this had been booked and sent a message questioning the sleeping arrangements stating it would be inappropriate for my friend and her partner to be sharing a room with his teenage kids.

I assumed separate rooms would have been booked but apparently not due to price… so they are room sharing with his 11 year old daughter and 16 year old son for 2 weeks! Friend thinks ex is just being difficult like she is with everything else but I can kind of see her point on this one…

Am I being unreasonable to agree with the ex that this set up is inappropriate? If not how do I communicate this to my friend or should I just not get involved!!

edit to add - partners parents are paying for all flights - then friend and her partner are paying for room/tickets/dining plan etc. I would assume he is paying more than her due to the kids but she is definitely contributing her part. She’s said it would be an extra 4k to add additional rooms for the children to share separately to them so it’s purely financial reasons why they didn’t opt to do it

OP posts:
DaughterNo2 · 12/04/2025 17:21

GreatFatball · 12/04/2025 16:32

Yep clearly I’m “the friend” despite agreeing with the ex I wouldn’t be comfortable with my kids doing this 🤣

Show quote history

Yet mine is the only post you’ve quoted and commented on…. Lots of others have asked valid questions

Pluvia · 12/04/2025 17:21

So Dad's had an affair while married with your friend, OP, and left his wife for her: this was only a year ago. And now the kids 11 and 16 are expected to share a room with their unfaithful dad and his girlfriend for a fortnight in order to go to Paris/ Florida/ wherever?

This is totally inappropriate. A 16-year-old lad and an 11-year-old girl shouldn't be sharing a room. And certainly not with their dad and his new woman. This is so wrong on so many levels.

SeventeenClovesOfGarlic · 12/04/2025 17:29

Anyone with sense wouldn't have had an affair with a married man, but when offered the holiday would have said 'no thank you, that's kind but the kids need time with their father especially since he destroyed their family'

Why did your mate not do that?

@Pluvia not even a year ago since they both destroyed the boyfriends marriage.

MissDoubleU · 12/04/2025 18:17

“Hey son, I know you’re 16 and going through a lot what with your parents splitting up and all. So I’ve just booked us a lovely holiday. 2 weeks away. Btw, you’ll have no privacy. Have to sleep in the same room as me and the woman I was shagging behind your mum’s back. What do you think? Relaxing?”

Dad of the year.

SemperIdem · 12/04/2025 20:19

A fortnight is a long time to room share in this way, irrespective of the additional issues this particular set up has, which are legion. The holiday will not go well, at all.

Mumofteenandtween · 12/04/2025 20:26

SemperIdem · 12/04/2025 20:19

A fortnight is a long time to room share in this way, irrespective of the additional issues this particular set up has, which are legion. The holiday will not go well, at all.

This. I have a 15 year old and an 11 year old. On our recent holiday we got the kids a separate room as sharing for a week would be hellish.

Hazel665 · 12/04/2025 20:28

Totally inappropriate. Friend either does not go, or gets another room. Sharing with 16 year old boy is not acceptable.

Violashifts · 13/04/2025 08:38

I can't envisage my 16 year old daughter sharing with me and her step dad that she has known since age 6, sees as a Dad and we all live together. We just wouldn't do it. We all need privacy and down time.
They would be better with an apartment on I drive. Surely there is a more cost effective way than 4k for an extra room.

HollywoodMirror · 13/04/2025 08:48

It totally depends on the type of room set up - not all shared rooms are equal.

For example, DH and I are sharing a room with a teen DD soon, but it’s a huge room that has a curtain dividing the main room from an area with sofa beds - and there is no need to walk through that area. The other teen DD is sharing the same type of room with her older DS’s and she is going to have that same section. There is also another area with a sofa and table and kitchen set up, so again although it is “one room” it is quite different from everyone crammed in one bedroom (and that won’t be the case with two teens anyway, there simply wouldn’t be room in a standard double hotel room)

Some rooms have official dividers, but some are L-shaped and have different sections with built in beds/bunk beds/a den etc. I’ve looked at Disney before and I was looking at big room types like that as far as I can remember. As a family of 6, we’ve had our share of different set ups and sometimes it involves totally separate interconnecting rooms and sometimes it doesn’t.

It’s not actually the ex’s business (unless she thinks there is a genuine safeguarding risk, and there is no evidence here that there is one). She needs to be the bigger person and not say negative things about this in front of the DC, why spoil their holiday?

TwistedWonder · 13/04/2025 08:48

From when my DD was about the age of 8/9 we always booked an apartment so there was a separate room for privacy. Sometimes we rotated sleeping so my DS was sometimes in the bedroom with me or his dad and sometimes he took the sofa bed but we never shared one room after that sort of age.

To expect an 11 and 16 year old to share one bedroom with their father and his new gf who he was shagging behind their mums back - seriously it’s so fucking wrong on so many levels.

Ylylyll · 13/04/2025 09:00

If the difference of an extra room is 4 grand (in autumn) they need to book somewhere they can afford to stay. Plenty of 3 bedroom stays or hotels for a fraction of that. Or not go for 2 weeks. Even if they were all related 2 weeks is too long for teenagers and their parents to room share.

Evilspiritgin · 13/04/2025 09:07

How old is 16 yr old compared to the friend ?

they’re going to be stuck together 24 /7 for two weeks, they probably won’t be together by the time they come back, his family aren’t coming across that great either, even if they don’t like his ex wife, they should be looking out for the welfare of their grandchildren

Crazybaby123 · 13/04/2025 09:09

Assuming there is also ine bathroom, how horrendous for everyone. People need to use the loo, this alone if I was any one of these people having to share would not be ok for me, if you need a number two late at night and the whole room know what you are doing in there.
Getting dressed, teen boy and grown random woman whos shagging his dad, sharing a room.
The whole thing is just hideous.
Also, kids can be awkward, there is nowhere for anyone to go if they need space or have had an argument. No one with kids could possibly think that you can get through a 2 week holiday without some sort of melt down or argument.
I would pay for my own room I think, id I was the friend. Maybe in a different resort or country preferably

Eldermillennialmum · 13/04/2025 09:12

Why isn't your friend running the other way?

I wouldn't be happy with that if I were your friend, her partner, the ex or the kids!

Needspaceforlego · 13/04/2025 09:13

It's difficult one.
Hotels won't allow children to be in a room with out an adult.

So what's the alternative?
Especially if it's already booked?

Needspaceforlego · 13/04/2025 09:18

HollywoodMirror · 13/04/2025 08:48

It totally depends on the type of room set up - not all shared rooms are equal.

For example, DH and I are sharing a room with a teen DD soon, but it’s a huge room that has a curtain dividing the main room from an area with sofa beds - and there is no need to walk through that area. The other teen DD is sharing the same type of room with her older DS’s and she is going to have that same section. There is also another area with a sofa and table and kitchen set up, so again although it is “one room” it is quite different from everyone crammed in one bedroom (and that won’t be the case with two teens anyway, there simply wouldn’t be room in a standard double hotel room)

Some rooms have official dividers, but some are L-shaped and have different sections with built in beds/bunk beds/a den etc. I’ve looked at Disney before and I was looking at big room types like that as far as I can remember. As a family of 6, we’ve had our share of different set ups and sometimes it involves totally separate interconnecting rooms and sometimes it doesn’t.

It’s not actually the ex’s business (unless she thinks there is a genuine safeguarding risk, and there is no evidence here that there is one). She needs to be the bigger person and not say negative things about this in front of the DC, why spoil their holiday?

Edited

That's true we had a room like that last year. With two single beds a divider and a double bed.

They are likely to have long days in the parks.

And people can get changed in the bathroom. It's not that hard. It's maybe not ideal but it's not that hard to see how you make it work.

BobbyBiscuits · 13/04/2025 09:25

She's an adult with no kids who's going to have to share a room with two teens (that's another thing, two weeks in Disney? Surely the kids are a bit old for it?) and stay in this resort that's extortionately expensive for two whole weeks..

I bet they didn't buy queue jump tickets either. So sitting in the boiling hot for ten hours a day, waiting. Maybe the very young kids will like it but even then, two bloody weeks?

And she's not paying but will need tons of spending money. But have no control over the activities.

I'd rather go to Iran and don a peep hole bikini to go to the mosque.

ramonaqueenbee · 13/04/2025 09:46

And next the friend will be on mumsnet saying her stepchildren ruined their dream Disney holiday by being rude, snappy and giving her the side eye and ignoring her.

Poor bloody kids.

IleftmybaginNewportPagnell · 13/04/2025 09:46

You say your friend has been well accepted by the family so already invited along on the “big” holiday - this is what I find disappointing of the grandparents. It would’ve been a good chance for the extended family to quietly show support for what the children are going through by having just their son and grandchildren (no friend), regardless of the size or configuration of the room. Maybe your friend and her boyfriend deserve each other? I wouldn’t recognise this in any friend of mine. I feel sad for the children.

TartanMammy · 13/04/2025 15:49

Needspaceforlego · 13/04/2025 09:13

It's difficult one.
Hotels won't allow children to be in a room with out an adult.

So what's the alternative?
Especially if it's already booked?

The alternatives are:

  1. The girlfriend doesn't go, and let's the DC enjoy a holiday with their dad.
  2. Adjoining rooms.
  3. A suite with separate sleeping spaces.
  4. She books another hotel room somewhere cheaper and lets the dad and DC have the Disney room.

My dc are around this age (but same sex) and we don't even share sleeping spaces anymore, and we're biological family! It's just not comfortable for anyone. We book adjoining hotel rooms or rooms with separate sleep spaces such as a 2 bed apartment.

CloudSquirrel · 13/04/2025 15:58

What are the sleeping arrangements? American hotel rooms that state they sleep 4 frequently only have two queen beds. We go to the US most years and as a family of 4 with 1 DS and 1 DD it can be really difficult to find suitable hotel accommodation as American hotels never gave twin beds. My two will share a room but obviously will not share a bed. We have also had suites with two beds and a sofa bed but we are all related to each other so no awkwardness all being in the same space. I'd suggest even a suite is super uncomfortable for kids seeing dad with someone who isn't their mum. Your friend is nuts thinking this would work.

nightmarepickle2025 · 13/04/2025 16:01

They’ve barely been together 9 months this is a million different types of wrong

Penguinmouse · 13/04/2025 16:07

MissDoubleU · 12/04/2025 18:17

“Hey son, I know you’re 16 and going through a lot what with your parents splitting up and all. So I’ve just booked us a lovely holiday. 2 weeks away. Btw, you’ll have no privacy. Have to sleep in the same room as me and the woman I was shagging behind your mum’s back. What do you think? Relaxing?”

Dad of the year.

Nailed it.

The sleeping set-up is totally inappropriate and your friend should use some common sense and not join this holiday.

whathaveiforgotten · 13/04/2025 16:20

Needspaceforlego · 13/04/2025 09:13

It's difficult one.
Hotels won't allow children to be in a room with out an adult.

So what's the alternative?
Especially if it's already booked?

His girlfriend doesn’t join them on this family holiday to Disneyland after all. That’s the simple, logical, child centred decision here, surely?

They’ve had a rough year with their parents splitting up. Disneyland would be an amazing holiday for them to get some quality time with their dad, who no longer lives with them, without having to share him or their room with the woman he is shagging.

Not that complicated in my opinion 🤷🏻‍♀️

GRex · 13/04/2025 16:24

That's wild. No, she cannot reasonably share a bed with the dad while kids are in the room, nor can she share a bed with either child. Unless it's 4 bunk beds, and even then it'll be awkward AF. They need to add on a room for the teens to sleep in. Or she takes a separate holiday and lets the kids have their dad for a bit.