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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

New partner room sharing with teenage step kids on holiday?

85 replies

GreatFatball · 12/04/2025 15:28

Background…

Close friend has been in a relationship with her partner since last summer. There was an overlap with her and his (nearly) ex-wife, but the ex doesn’t know this and they’d been together for the kids only for many years. They have 2 children together friend has none. As you can imagine the ex wasn’t too happy that her husband had “moved on” so quickly and has been quite difficult with divorce/child contact etc.

My friend has been well accepted by her partners family and in November they invited her to a 2 week family holiday to Disneyland for this coming autumn. Holiday would be her partners parents, siblings and their children as well as his children.

His ex was not happy learning this had been booked and sent a message questioning the sleeping arrangements stating it would be inappropriate for my friend and her partner to be sharing a room with his teenage kids.

I assumed separate rooms would have been booked but apparently not due to price… so they are room sharing with his 11 year old daughter and 16 year old son for 2 weeks! Friend thinks ex is just being difficult like she is with everything else but I can kind of see her point on this one…

Am I being unreasonable to agree with the ex that this set up is inappropriate? If not how do I communicate this to my friend or should I just not get involved!!

edit to add - partners parents are paying for all flights - then friend and her partner are paying for room/tickets/dining plan etc. I would assume he is paying more than her due to the kids but she is definitely contributing her part. She’s said it would be an extra 4k to add additional rooms for the children to share separately to them so it’s purely financial reasons why they didn’t opt to do it

OP posts:

Quiceinalifetime · 12/04/2025 16:20

Don’t comment unless your friend asks you and is she does tell her what you think. There’s no right answer. Personally I wouldn’t share a room with 2 teenagers except in some emergency. Sounds like a recipe for strife. I’d decline to go and suggest DP shares with his son and DD shares with a cousin or two, either girls or younger boys, on a camp bed if necessary.

BruFord · 12/04/2025 16:22

While it’s none of the OP’s business, I’m assuming that the OP’s friend has told her all about it and wants reassurance that the situation is OK. Is that the case, OP?

If so, I think you’ll have to be honest and tell her that it’s grim and that the children aren’t going to like sharing with her and their Dad for TWO weeks. 🤢

I have teenagers and I suspect that they’d refuse to come on the trip if they had to share with their Dad and myself for two weeks, and we’re their parents!

MesmerisingMuon · 12/04/2025 16:24

Absolutely not appropriate.

Either pay for a separate room or don't go yourself.

A teen shouldn't have to share with his dads gf!

TennesseeStella · 12/04/2025 16:27

ToKittyornottoKitty · 12/04/2025 15:36

Is it Disney Paris? Where the rooms have 2 double beds typically? Are the brother and sister expected to share a bed at that age?

Surely no-one could spend two whole weeks at Disneyland Paris?!

Hollyaddy · 12/04/2025 16:28

I don't even share a room. Anymore on hols with my own 16 year old ds. Certainly wouldn't share with anyone else's.

Beyond weird.

Hollyaddy · 12/04/2025 16:29

BruFord · 12/04/2025 16:22

While it’s none of the OP’s business, I’m assuming that the OP’s friend has told her all about it and wants reassurance that the situation is OK. Is that the case, OP?

If so, I think you’ll have to be honest and tell her that it’s grim and that the children aren’t going to like sharing with her and their Dad for TWO weeks. 🤢

I have teenagers and I suspect that they’d refuse to come on the trip if they had to share with their Dad and myself for two weeks, and we’re their parents!

Edited

Agree.

TwistedWonder · 12/04/2025 16:31

Soontobe60 · 12/04/2025 15:36

So, in a nutshell, bloke has an affair, tells the ‘other woman’ that he and his wife are only together because of the kids, leaves his wife (or she throws him out) and now his girlfriend is expected to share a bedroom with his 16 year old son on holiday?
Thats all kinds of inappropriate. How awkward for the 16 year old, how embarrassing for both teens to see their dad sleeping with his girlfriend. Grim.

Absolutely this.

Shes really found herself a prince amongst men hasn’t she

Original poster

GreatFatball · 12/04/2025 16:32

DaughterNo2 · 12/04/2025 15:49

Just me thinking that OP is actually the ‘friend’

Yep clearly I’m “the friend” despite agreeing with the ex I wouldn’t be comfortable with my kids doing this 🤣

OP posts:

Marble10 · 12/04/2025 16:32

Wildly inappropriate!
Is her boyfriend and his parents ok with it too?!
For the sake of 2 weeks and 4 grand, I’d say the friend should not go.

Radarro · 12/04/2025 16:33

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Mrscharlieeeee · 12/04/2025 16:36

Totally inappropriate IMO. Your friend needs to sort her own accommodation or bow out of the trip. Can’t imagine what you’d do at Disneyland Paris for 2 weeks, do you mean Disney World in Florida? Tell her to book a room at the Rosen Inn lake buena vista and just meet up each morning. If they’re staying on site basic rooms at the All star resorts for example are very small and there’s zero privacy.

MissJeanBrodiesmother · 12/04/2025 16:37

I don't think you should comment as it will not be well received and isnt your business. I wouldn't be going. It is obviously a family holiday. She is his girlfriend in a relationship of less than a year. She isn't part of the family yet and there really is no need to be going on holidays with his teenage kids.

Delphiniumandlupins · 12/04/2025 16:39

What are the actual bed-sharing plans? The 16 year old should not be sharing a bed with his little sister. He shouldn't have to share a room with his dad's new girlfriend either. Have the gf and DC actually met yet, as the relationship is less than a year long?
Your friend should back out of this holiday. The father lacks both sense and honesty.

TartanMammy · 12/04/2025 16:43

Entirely inappropriate. If this was a woman with a new male partner sharing with teen DC, there wouldn't be any question about it being wrong.

They need to have separate rooms, or adjoining rooms. If it's too expensive for them then she shouldn't go on the trip, stay home and let the DC have a holiday with their dad.

Everystripesays · 12/04/2025 16:46

That is uncomfortable, if she really feels the need to go and not let the children just have a holiday with dad then book a seperate room.

Kitkatfiend31 · 12/04/2025 16:49

I imagine the 16 year old wouldn't be that thrilled sharing with the 11 year old. Certainly not ok to have him sharing with the new partner. As has been said an extra room is just a teenage tax you suck up for a few years!

RawBloomers · 12/04/2025 16:52

Sharing with the 16 yr old boy puts this in the totally inappropriate category for me. And a long, extended family holiday with step-kids when they’ll only have been together for a year seems like it would likely be too much, too. But unless your friend has actually asked your opinion, stay well out of it.

MolkosTeenageAngst · 12/04/2025 16:56

It depends what the ‘shared room’ looks like in reality. Are we talking 2 double beds in a small hotel room or are we talking about a large suite with a double bed and twin beds in their own separate areas? I would say a large shared room seems more appropriate than having a 16 year old and 11 year old in their own private hotel room to be honest, it would be a bit unfair to expect 16yo to be essentially in charge of his little sister every night for 2 weeks. I guess maybe the grandparents could take the shared room with their grandkids instead of your friend but not sure it’s that much better for a 16 year old boy to be sharing with his grandmother than it is his dads girlfriend.

alwaysdeleteyourcookies · 12/04/2025 17:01

Westfacing · 12/04/2025 15:39

Your friend is stupid for going along on this trip - why would she want to share a room with a 16 year-old boy, never mind the general overcrowding of two teens and two adults sharing a room for two weeks!

Yeah, her boundaries need some work overall. Just because she was invited, she didn't have to go. Not to mention believing that 'together for the kids' line.

stealthninjamum · 12/04/2025 17:04

I’m not sure I’d be able to remain friends with someone with such poor judgement. It’s bad enough she was the other woman but she’s met the kids within 5 seconds and is sharing a hotel room with them. That’s just so wrong.

mindutopia · 12/04/2025 17:06

It’s inappropriate, yes. If the roles were reversed and a woman was having her male partner share a bedroom with her 16 year old daughter, that would be wildly inappropriate.

I still remember going away on holiday with my dad and his partner at 16/17. I was on the sofa bed in the lounge (it was like a 1 bedroom chalet thing). His partner walked past me in the night going to the loo in her pants with nothing else (big fake Dolly Parton boobies swaying freely). Honestly, I’m 44 and still feel a bit scarred from the experience. 😳

I don’t think there is a good solution here because the kids can’t just be sent off, other than the friend backing out of the trip.

NPET · 12/04/2025 17:08

When I was 11, I would NOT want to share a room with a brother let alone with parents or stepparents, and it's not fair to expect an 11 year old girl to do so. I hope tg she's got some privacy somewhere.

Shouldbedoing · 12/04/2025 17:14

This trip was clearly booked while the 'family' was still an intact family so the new girlfriend is quite literally slipping into the ex wife's bed.
What an embarrassing set up.

Tiswa · 12/04/2025 17:15

I assume it’s Disneyworld? I have a 16 year old and a then 13 year old and we are going to Disney at Christmas and we have had to work out how to make it work with us as a family who are all related and know each other (DVC Villa so more space/bathroom area separate from rooms etc pulldown bed and sofa bed in lounge area)

Rainingalldayonmyhead · 12/04/2025 17:17

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Yeah my thoughts exactly.

She doesn’t have to go so why is she even trying to make this horrific situation work?

She’s the other woman - Shame on her. Sharing a bed with her boyfriend (partner is a bit much at this point) in front of his children - shame on her. Going on holiday with his kids after only bring together for not very long - shame on her. Thinking this is all okay - shame on her.

What goes around comes around. Morally her values (and his to be fair) are very low. Is this what you want in a friend? Selfish at the very best and horrifically selfish at worst.

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