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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Leaving Teenagers all on their own

72 replies

Annabel12134 · 12/04/2025 12:34

Please I need advice and be kind with your words.
AIBU to leave teenagers (15 upwards) on their own without no parents at home for 5 months now to take up a job 500 miles from home.

A relative was supposed to stay with them in my absence but it didn't work out.

My mind has not been at peace with leaving them all on their own but at the same time I have no savings and financial help. The job market is brutal now, i’m scared of not finding a job if I should quit and go back home but at the same time I am scared that there is no parental guidance for the kids and its dangerous leaving them on their own. I am very confused, one mind says I should quit and go look after my children and the other mind says what if I don't find a job in our area what would we all feed on. WHAT SHOULD I DO? All advice is appreciated.

OP posts:

Octavia64 · 12/04/2025 16:23

Yeah you can’t do this.

school will find out and report it to social services.

it’s neglect.

PonyPatter44 · 12/04/2025 16:53

I'm not surprised you're feeling "down". What you're actually feeling is guilt. You're neglecting your children. Please go home and get them.

Motomum23 · 12/04/2025 16:55

Seriously?? Its child abandonment and its a crime.

LadyLucyWells · 12/04/2025 16:59

It wouldn’t be a question of ‘should’ for me, I absolutely wouldn’t want to. Not for £1 billion would I do this.

BlueTitShark · 12/04/2025 17:05

Look after your children @Annabel12134
They need you more than anything else.

Yes it’s tempting to say ‘let’s go away and earn (more?) money’, to think about that money can get fir them.
But they’ll still need you more. 🫂🫂

YourWildAmberSloth · 12/04/2025 17:18

Have you already left them OP? No, it isn't a good idea. There will be jobs which don't involve travelling 500 miles.

Psychoticbreak · 12/04/2025 17:34

This cannot be a serious post. 5 hours maybe, 5 days no. 5 months is an absolute joke. Cannot be serious.

NeedToChangeName · 12/04/2025 17:38

Not cool, OP. Sorry

Ihopeyouhavent · 12/04/2025 18:12

Need more detail.

How old exactly? Do they get on? Would family pop in at all?

Will you be coming home of a weekend? Every other weekend? Once a month?

Could you afford to pay for a babysitter of sorts to check on them?

What is the pay benefit of you going away for 5months?

What would they do all weekend on their own?

Meals? Washing? Housework? Could they do all that?

Who would be there emergency contact and how long would it take them to get there?

If there was an accident at home/school and no adult was available, would SS be called?

I could have left one of DS's at 15 with no problem at all. But the other one, NEVER, has no coping skills and wouldnt have survived bless him!

Thedogscollar · 12/04/2025 18:14

Having done the teen years, I wouldn't do this for any job.

Sameoldsameoldsame · 12/04/2025 18:18

Wow. 5 months, what could possibly go wrong. An adult needs to ask this!

Social services may end up getting involved if something occurs and you are so far away. Police too. Have you heard of parental responsibility and do you love your children, I mean what could go wrong!

Sameoldsameoldsame · 12/04/2025 18:21

RobinHeartella · 12/04/2025 13:23

if I should quit and go back home

Are you already abroad? Who is with your children now?

Hopefully the police.

Lindy2 · 12/04/2025 18:40

No you can't - and I suspect you already know that. You can't leave children alone for 5 months.

Is your 15 year old starting their GCSEs next month without any adult support?

persisted · 12/04/2025 19:29

Quite apart from the legal and moral grounds that have already been covered, you can't because of them.

Regardless of what they say they will feel abandoned and sooner or later they will resent you for it. They will act all tough and like they don't care because that's what they do, but it cuts deep. It's defence, they would rather do that than 'lose face' somehow and admit that they love you and need you.

Louisetopaz21 · 12/04/2025 19:48

This isn't acceptable at all.

RobinHeartella · 12/04/2025 20:58

This thread reminds me of a student I had once (he'd be a grown man now). Age 16, he was from a very wealthy family with expensive houses in london and other world cities. They had live-in housekeepers. He went to school in London and his parents jetted around and were barely ever there, absent for months at a time. His housekeepers kept him fed and ironed his clothes but that was it, he was their employer rather than them looking after him. He constantly emailed in sick from his mum's email address but we all knew his mum wasn't even home so it was just his word for it. He got all his A levels 2-3 grades lower than the school expected (I did expect it but no one believed my warnings). Ie C grades instead of A/A*. From the school's pov the family could do no wrong, they were donors I think. I remember I kept flagging concerns.

Anyway this was over a decade ago so he'd be a grown man now. But this thread reminds me of him. I did think that he was terribly neglected and I'd never treat my own kids that way (I wasn't a mum yet at the time.)

RobinHeartella · 12/04/2025 21:02

I remember thinking boarding school would have been better for that boy.

Op, would you consider boarding school for your teens, if moving back is not an option?

Ruffpuff · 18/04/2025 23:07

Tbh I’m normally one to bleat on about teen independence, etc. But this doesn’t sit right with me. An adult, not just a slightly older sibling, needs to be home to provide guidance, boundaries and emotional support. 15 is too young to be thrust into full independence.

ChaliceinWonderland · 18/04/2025 23:09

No this is neglect, I would be calling ss on you

MMO · 18/04/2025 23:11

Oooh need to know more really......

Savoretti · 18/04/2025 23:17

I left my 15 and 17 year olds home alone for 6 nights while I was in hospital after an emergency with their elder sister 100 miles away.
It was absolute torture, I felt total guilt. Of course they are capable of cooking and washing and cleaning the house, but they shouldn’t have that responsibility for a week
let alone any longer

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 18/04/2025 23:23

No, you shouldn’t and can’t do this.

It’s child neglect for one thing - a 15 yo can be left for a weekend or something but not for 5 months without a responsible adult.

They need you to be there for them emotionally as much as anything else. And that’s not a small thing!

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