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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friends Boyfriend Is Lazy And A Womaniser

59 replies

CheekyPombear · 12/04/2025 01:55

A close friend of mine met a man last November.
He is about 13 years her senior and she is having doubts about him.
He lives on his own in a one bed HA flat.
He doesnt drive he hasnt been in employment since 2002 he doesnt seem to have and skills or formal qualifications.
He has epilepsy but its managed by meds.
He has asked if he can live with her she owns her own home outright a nice 2 bed new build semi.
Im thinking he wants to move in with her then after so long claim he has rights to some of her capital etc.
Also he thinks he is gods gift his best friend said he always had many girlfriends and flings but none owned property or had a career like my friend.
He is 58 in October.
Is it bad to think he is a loser?.
He goes to bars nearly every night too.

OP posts:
suburberphobe · 12/04/2025 14:19

he hasnt been in employment since 2002 he doesnt seem to have and skills or formal qualifications.

Big fat NO then!

He has asked if he can live with her she owns her own home outright a nice 2 bed new build semi.

Another big fat NO!!

He's got cocklodger written all over him.

TwistedWonder · 12/04/2025 14:20

suburberphobe · 12/04/2025 14:19

he hasnt been in employment since 2002 he doesnt seem to have and skills or formal qualifications.

Big fat NO then!

He has asked if he can live with her she owns her own home outright a nice 2 bed new build semi.

Another big fat NO!!

He's got cocklodger written all over him.

Yep. And you know the minute he’s got his feet under her table, it’ll be impossible to get rid of him

pimplebum · 12/04/2025 14:21

He can’t get any of her home unless they are married and them divorce

JHound · 12/04/2025 14:26

TwistedWonder · 12/04/2025 14:15

Agree. Older men never appealed to me but I can understand the appeal if they have their shit together and have a maturity about them.

This one a lazy useless man waste of space - how these dregs seem to get a string of women is beyond me

Show quote history

This is why I refuse to believe incels truly exist / or are that way because they are exceptionally fussy. The absolute waste of spaces I know with multiple children.

My uncle who is a perma-bum also has 5 kids for 3 women. And he has NOTHING going for him. Not even looks. Mindboggling!

Lanzarotelady · 12/04/2025 14:51

So??? Not your circus, not your monkey!

Not you who is in a relationship with him so why fret? Presume your friend is an adult who can make her own mind up??

suburberphobe · 12/04/2025 14:54

^He thinks he is gods gift hence many girlfriends.
Even his best friend said that.
When he was in his 20's he had three different women in a month.
God knows what they saw in him.^

Could just be telling tales though....

Those kind of guys who can't get their shit together would tend to do that I think.

Coconutter24 · 12/04/2025 15:05

My friend did say to me today she doesnt want him moving in her house because he is lazy.

Has she told him he is not moving in?

Original poster
CheekyPombear · 12/04/2025 15:12

Coconutter24 · 12/04/2025 15:05

My friend did say to me today she doesnt want him moving in her house because he is lazy.

Has she told him he is not moving in?

She said she is going to tell hi its best if he stays in his own flat.
If he does lose his benefits he could lose his home and he knows that.
His sister and his brother dont really want him at their's.
His father is 77 and he even takes money off him.
His father owns a small terraced house and he thinks he should get it all when he dies because he is the eldest.
I just dont understand why he has got away with being on benefits so long.
Dont they send you for assessments?.

OP posts:
Original poster
CheekyPombear · 12/04/2025 15:14

pimplebum · 12/04/2025 14:21

He can’t get any of her home unless they are married and them divorce

Just say he did move in with her after two years she asks him to go he could go to a solicitor and say he has a interest because he has lived at her house?.

OP posts:
tuvamoodyson · 12/04/2025 15:16

So you’re genuinely asking if it’s bad to think he’s a loser? Why do you feel unsure?

Poppyseeds79 · 12/04/2025 15:18

CheekyPombear · 12/04/2025 14:06

He thinks he is gods gift hence many girlfriends.
Even his best friend said that.
When he was in his 20's he had three different women in a month.
God knows what they saw in him.

Show quote history

Erm, well for a start that was 30+yrs ago...

Is this legit? 🤣

Original poster
CheekyPombear · 12/04/2025 15:18

tuvamoodyson · 12/04/2025 15:16

So you’re genuinely asking if it’s bad to think he’s a loser? Why do you feel unsure?

Of course I know he is a tosser.

OP posts:
Poppyseeds79 · 12/04/2025 15:19

CheekyPombear · 12/04/2025 15:14

Just say he did move in with her after two years she asks him to go he could go to a solicitor and say he has a interest because he has lived at her house?.

Show quote history

Well it sounds like he'll be paying fuck all! So other than the interest is he'd enjoy sponging off your mate. Then no he'd still be entitled to a big fat 0% of her property.

Vroomfondleswaistcoat · 12/04/2025 15:20

Does your friend know the good old MN quote 'nobody falls in love faster than a man who needs somewhere to live.'? Because this sounds like a Class A exhibit.

everythingeverything1981 · 12/04/2025 15:21

Cocklodger deluxe edition

Rewis · 12/04/2025 15:25

Why is your friend with him? Clearly he has something going for him to be able to have this woman be into him. And has had many girlfriends.

everythingeverything1981 · 12/04/2025 15:25

It's weird the aspring cocklodger I know has a mother who has a cocklodger bloke who refuses to engage with the benefits or pension system so has zero income and 45 year old "musician" son who also mooches off her.

Woman must have patience of a saint, or be very stupid.

ConnieSlow · 12/04/2025 15:28

He may be, but your friend is the one picking him so to me there are two losers here. A grown adult woman is responsible for her own choices.

ItGhoul · 12/04/2025 15:30

He sounds appalling. What on earth does she actually see in him?

Also, who starts talking about moving in with someone they only met less than six months ago?

TwistedWonder · 12/04/2025 15:44

Also, who starts talking about moving in with someone they only met less than six months ago?

Most of the women on MN who start threads about how they’re stuck with a useless cocklodging twat they can’t get rid of.

BadSkiingMum · 12/04/2025 15:46

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

tuvamoodyson · 12/04/2025 16:05

CheekyPombear · 12/04/2025 15:18

Of course I know he is a tosser.

Show quote history

Then what’s your AIBU?

Original poster
CheekyPombear · 14/04/2025 01:12

My friend phoned me on Sunday morning she dumped him by text on Saturday night.
He went round to hers Sunday afternoon with flowers and she let him in but told him its over.
He asked why she said we have nada in common.
He threw the flowers on her drive as he left.

OP posts:
TeaAndTattoos · 14/04/2025 01:31

CheekyPombear · 14/04/2025 01:12

My friend phoned me on Sunday morning she dumped him by text on Saturday night.
He went round to hers Sunday afternoon with flowers and she let him in but told him its over.
He asked why she said we have nada in common.
He threw the flowers on her drive as he left.

Good on her I’m glad she saw the light and told him where to go he’s a massive cocklodger.

VapeVamp12 · 14/04/2025 02:38

Dating someone like that short term, fine if its a bit of fun. But please convince your friend to not go any further and 100% do not allow this man to move into her home.