To ask if your kids with larger age gaps get on?

[blooshboon]

Currently have a DD who is 6 in a few months, we’re in steps of TTC for baby no2.

One of the things that worries me is they’ll not have a close relationship, due to the larger age gap. I understand this might be because of my own experience ( oldest of 5, youngest sibling is 8 ) there was 11 years between me and the second eldest.

So thought I’d pop on here and ask if your kids are close?
is there any resentment from older child? This worries me as we’re very very close, and I don’t want her to feel left behind as silly as that sounds.

I have just over 4 years between my brother and I and we don't get on, never have.

My dh has 10years between him and his brother and they get on great.

It just depends on the people themselves

My mam had me, then my brother 2 years later, then my sister 8 years later! Me and my sister are best friends, I've always taken care of her and we see each other every day. I think it depends on the personality and temperament of the kids.

Yeah my siblings are 10 and 15 years younger than me and we are v close. But my DH there is a 2 year gap and they hate one another. It's about personality no an age gap

I’m not really sure what the point of this thread is.

Of course some siblings with large age gaps get on. And equally, many siblings with small age gaps don’t get on at all.

Anecdotal answers here aren’t going to help you. You have no way of knowing what pattern your kids will fall into - there’s no guarantee of them liking each other whatever the age gap.

A more useful question would surely be to ask parents with large age gaps what steps they took to encourage a close relationship between their kids.

I have large age gaps.... I have 3 x ds aged 35, 33 and 13, and an 18 year old dd.

They all get on really well, especially my ds's. I think my dd is a bit fed up with having 3 brothers watching out for her!

But any upset or problems, and they're all really tight.

It varies wildly my eldest is 15 youngest 10 but twins, he gets on much better with one of them. Middle child is 12 and gets on better with other twin. Eldest two either get on or fight like cat and dog.

5 year gap between my two daughters and they get on well now 23 and nearly 18. My eldest is really supportive of my youngest.

2 year gap between myself and my brother and we rarely talk as we are totally different people if it was not for my parents I think we would be almost no contact. We have never been close even as children.

I think it totally depends of the individuals.

My DS is six years older than me. I’d say we were very close though live quite far removed from each other and not in daily contact.

this is mostly to do with how carefully my mother (as she described) involved DSis in the prospect of a younger sister and my DSis’s lovely caring personality.

as an adult, I can see that we are polar opposites because I focused my interests on being good at the things she could not master and where she was not already the ‘expert’.

when we come together, we work brilliantly together as I let her lead and do anything she isn’t interested in. She in turn gives lots of praise and treats me how should would like to be treated.

our relation is much better than the siblings I know are much closer in age and more obviously in competition and where the gap is not so very large.

im sure you will navigate it all well too. All the best.

4 years age gap between my 2 sons. They don’t get on.

3 years age gap and 6 years between my 2 brothers they get on better than I do with them.

Agree,it's personality. I don't have traditional 2/3 year gaps for lots of reasons. When second DH and I were hoping for a baby....he didn't have DKs,we sat my 3 round the dinner table and told them we were hoping to have a baby. Youngest ds asked a few times if we were having a baby then,DH told him "we're working on it". GS was born the following year,do they get on,yes.21 years between youngest DD and oldest DD, she helped her move house a couple of weeks ago. They're now,54,47,42,33

It depends what you mean by 'close'. They're unlikely to be playing/hanging out together, certainly. But that doesn't mean they won't necessarily have a close relationship. My oldest niece had already left home when her youngest sister was born, but I think she would still say she was was close to her. It's just a different kind of close than she might be if they'd grown up together.

My sister's 10 years older than me and my brother's 7 years older than me. I've always been closer to my brother but that's purely down to our personalities and nothing to with age. And my sister was usually lovely to me when I was a little girl, it was only really when I was a young adult that we really started to clash.

I have a 7 year gap between my 2 and they get on so well. Much better than me and my sibling with a 3 year gap. I think it’s down to personalities

I think it honestly just depends on the children and personalities. I have friends who are so close to their siblings with a larger age gap, and my DH is the youngest of 3 and there’s 5 years between him and his sister and 8 between him and brother, but they are all so close. Yet my brother and I have a nearly-3 year gap and we did not get along at all growing up, we fought and fought all the time, our poor mum! As adults we’re much better obviously but we definitely aren’t close and I wouldn’t say we particularly have anything in common or agree on most things.

6 years between DS1 and DS2. We had a rough period when DS1 was about 11/12 and DS2 was 6 when things were very difficult. DS2 wanted to do everything that the older one did but obviously couldn’t and they got very annoyed with each other. Apart from that they’ve always been incredibly close. DS1 is now 20 and at Uni and DS2 is 14. They go to football matches together, go shopping together, play football when DS is home and often go out for food etc.
DS1 messages him all the time (far more than he does us!) and they really are the best of friends. We had a 6 year age gap deliberately and everyone said we were crazy but it worked out really well.

Mine have a 4y gap and we had this phase when they were 12 and 8. It was painful for the younger one, he’d always idolised big bro, but we helped him find his own niche and from 14 & 10 onwards it’s been lovely. I think personalities have a huge impact but the biggest factor imo is how much kids have to compete for parental attention/resources. I’ve siblings close in age and we get on ok but are not close, I think because of this.

My sibling and I have a 2 year gap we have never really got on - we both very very different people! As adults though we ‘get along/tolerate each other thankfully.

My two also have a 6 years age gap and growing up they did different things so it wasn’t like the played together so much. The trickiest age was when the eldest hit around 12.

In the last few years especially when the eldest went away to uni they seem to make an effort to form a closer relationship- they very lovely together now.

Agree with others it’s all about their personalities more than anything.

I have 5 and a few months years between mine. It was fine you are always going to be peaks and troughs with siblings regardless of age.

They are adults now and are really close and socialise with each other .

I have 5 DC over an 18 year spread, and have some DC close in age, annd some and far apart in age.
The closer in age ones are not necessarily closer than those with bigger gaps. That said, the bigger age gap relationships are probably a bit different in nature to the smaller gap ones: my 15YO has been looked after a lot by her oldest siblings who’re in their 30s.

8 years between DS1 and DS3, they get on very well, always have. DS2 is slightly more spiky and tends to clash with DS1 more, but they all get on as adults, are in regular contact and very supportive of each other.

I agree it's a personality thing. My dd 15 gets on great with ds who's 7 but ds who's 5 not so much but they are chalk and cheese. Ds 7 is so relaxed and chilled all the time. Ds 5 likes to control everything.

There is an almost 13 year age gap between my children. It was very difficult at first because my eldest was an only child and the baby was very very difficult. However, now they’re 14 and 27 they adore eachother and are very close.

There’s 5.5 years between my daughters; they get on well. We work hard to make sure they each get time with us one on one, and they’re able to do things that suit their interests.

In practice this often looks like divide and conquer at the weekend, eg younger will go to a birthday party with me while DH takes older to her hobby. We actively notice and praise when they’re playing well together and make sure we as parents are being inclusive and sensitive to their individual personalities. it’s not always easy, but as it was our decision as parents to have a bigger gap, we figure it’s our responsibility to help them develop a good relationship and feel like they’re not competing for our attention!

We always did separate things with ours Dh and Dd1 shared an interest when she was younger so they were would be off doing that, I think doing individual things with kids.is great though gives them their own space.

People get very weird on here that you must have children close together or they won't get on or have anything in common. But as everyone says it's down to personality.

My husband is almost 6 years older than his brother and they are the absolute best of friends. They have the same interests, similar personality and as his brother got older, he then got to know my husbands friends and now share a lot of the same friends too which makes get together very easy! Yes my husband got annoyed at his brother when he was younger, but he still played with him and took him to gigs and football etc.

Whereas I have a twin brother who I have absolutely nothing in common with and we couldn't be less like each other if we tried. We played together as toddlers but since school we've existed in completely seperate universes apart from obviously family stuff and even now we see our parents separately. We have seperate friends, seperate interests, we never wanted to do the same activities when we were younger and I genuinely couldn't tell you the last time we spoke. People think its some great tragedy as twins we don't get on or don't have this special bond but it really isn't given how miserable he is!

We’re TTC our second and our DD is 6. The age gap doesn’t worry me because there are 8 and 6 years between me and older brothers and 5 years between DH and his brother. DH gets on great with his brother and I’m close with my brothers. In fact I have a closer friendship relationship with my oldest brother with the 8 year age gap. Don’t worry too much about it x