Or is he?

[Howcloseisburnout]

I’m really really struggling. I’m just feeling really overwhelmed by life, normal bog standard life.

This evening I’ve tried twice to explain to DH how overwhelmed I’m feeling. The first time he walked off as he’d seen something more interesting, the second he’s got mega cross with me for not seeing it from his perspective.

Backstory is we have four children. He is away at sea for long periods of time and comes home (current ‘visit’ is four days) so apart from financial burden everything else is on me. We’re currently living in one room due to work being done and outside area is yet to be landscaped (so is rough as). I’m just exhausted. Tbh it’s not physical it’s the mental juggle of everything all of the time, plus lack of sleep because it’s me that’s up in the night and then 6am the day starts again. I love looking after the kids it’s just draining and largely I don’t have anyone to discuss anything with never mind just the random crap in my head.

He’s upset because I’m not thinking how he feels not being here ever and missing everything.

I think he’s being a selfish shit for not realising I’m carrying everyone else and I just don’t have the mental capacity to carry his crap too. He is his only responsibility.

Sorry for the rant I know I just have to pull the big girl pants up and get on with it but it’s hard.

Firstly OP I can quite agree on the lack of relevance in the number of children, you have 4 it’s not like you have 10!!! Also the children are here now, it’s not like you can shove them back up there to make like easier, it’s done now and permanent so I don’t see the point in discussing it.

Secondly I think he is being unreasonable not to simply just hear you, he doesn’t have to necessarily agree but he could at least listen and hear what you are saying. I’m sure life is hard for him too, I’m sure he misses home and family and feels like he misses out on a lot, but by the same token you shoulder the day to day running of the family by yourself for the vast majority of the time. As partners in life these are conversations you should be able to have, it doesn’t need to be a game of who has it harder, all that really needs to happen is an acknowledgement that the situation is sometimes difficult for each other for different reasons and to have empathy for what each other goes through, that’s all.

I imagine if he had just listened and given a little bit of understanding you wouldn’t have been upset!

I think this is a similar ‘tit for tat’ issue that I have with my DP. It’s hard in the emotional state to acknowledge that both parties have different feelings and stresses and burdens and one doesn’t have to trump the other. I give advice that I find hard to follow myself - but try to sit down and have a conversation where you both try to acknowledge the other’s struggle without ending on who is worse off.

There wasn't a thread. I responded first.

Could you get an Airbnb for a week/weekend to get a bit of a break from each other?

Number of children isn't really relevant to the situation. OP hasn't said she has difficulty ordinarily.

I went through a six-month renovation with several children. The difference is that although circumstances were often tricky logistically, at no time were we confined to one room. We always had at least three bedrooms to work with and we kept a room which was the kids' playroom. If you can have this kind of arrangement it doesn't matter how many children you have. OP doesn't have this though so there is extra stress.

But the situation has arisen due to choices they have made.

I get the need to vent, but it’s not an “act of god” that has created this situation.