To wonder whether lack of tolerance for mess is an ND trait?

[NW3Lady]

I don’t just mean that I like my house to be tidy. I mean I actually struggle to function when it’s not. Mess overwhelms me.

I always assumed I was BU but it’s now suddenly occurred to me that perhaps this is an aspect of neurodiversity and that it’s to do with how my brain is wired. Has anyone ever heard of this as an ND trait?

Not sure but would love to know as the smallest thing out of place really annoys me, especially when DH makes little clusters of his crap, as if it makes it tidy - it’s not, put it all away.

Yes, I know some ND people who need everything perfectly in order. I know quite a few ND people and probably about two-thirds are more likely to be messy rather than tidy. But those who are tidy are very tidy.

No idea if it's just them or a ND trait. For the messy ones it usually is as it is to do with executive functioning difficulties.

I don’t believe it’s particularly exclusive to being ND. I am not ND but I hate mess. Tidiness brings clarity to both environment and mind. Before I start things, I like things to be clean and tidy first. It’s not at all unusual.

My husband feels like this. He's not very tidy though. But the untidiness overwhelms him and really stresses him out. He has ADHD.

Im AuDHD. I need it tidy to function but lack the executive function to keep on top of things. I'm my own worst enemy 😔

I've got ADHD and my house is a tip.

Liking a tidy environment is not in and of itself an indication of ‘ND’.

I'm Audhd and exactly like this too.

I am like this and I have ADHD, if my environment is messy I feel like my mind is messy and I can’t think clearly because all I can see if the mess and how I need to tidy it up. I need a very minimal tidy environment to feel calm and focussed.

My DD is ASD
My DH is probably ADHD
They're both chronically untidy!

I don’t think I am ND, but I’ve always described it as wanting to claw my skin off (dramatic, I know) if my home isn’t clean and tidy - really couldn’t care less about anyone else’s though. I always assumed it was a trauma response, trying to control my environment, I’ve been the same way since a child. It also doesn’t have to be a certain standard, but my standard. I can tolerate my cupboards being messy, but every month I do have to arrange it all as it begins to play on my mind. I’ve always found my reaction strange. I also know people who are just very clean and tidy but don’t have the uncomfortable reactions.

I think people are just different. Some NT and some ND people couldn’t care less about mess, some NT and some ND people dislike mess but struggle with executive function, and some NT and some ND people are fastidiously tidy and find mess stressful. And some are all over the shop with no rhyme or reason: I’m NT and simultaneously cultivate the world’s messiest work desk and the world’s tidiest home kitchen.

I have ADHD and autism, I struggle to keep my house tidy but I definitely get overwhelmed when it’s messy. I like a tidy ordered house but can’t really maintain one. I’m more particular about some areas than others too or can cope better with some kinds of mess than others.

I have diagnosed ASD and one of my primary symptoms is impaired executive function. I am incredibly untidy and have hated myself much of my adult life for this until I received my diagnosis. It explained so much. In fact my PIP includes an allowance for cleaning help. My problem is that if I put things away I forget they exist.

Not a trait I recognise in the ND people I know, in fact quite the opposite!

I do however recognise it as a trauma response - from childhood - something about control and or fear.

Obviously everyone is different and there probably aren’t any right or wrong answers.

Absolutely.

The worst thing for ADHD in my family is to have visual noise screaming at you everywhere.

DP therefore gets to have it all shrieking at him in the spare room - the bathrooms are perfect, the living room is perfect, the stairs, hall and main bedroom are perfect, the front garden is great, the back garden neglected but very appealing to native pollinators and birds.

Sadly, the kitchen is an abomination unless I do a Saturday morning rage clean - packets and jars are everywhere, spices scattered over the countertop (AND USED TEABAGS - WHY???? WE HAVE A BIN AND HE HANGS A FUCKING CARRIER BAG OFF THE DRAWER THAT HE STILL DOESN'T USE), the cupboards are a game of Russian Roulette if you open them, the dishwasher is an abomination and why FOR THE LOVE OF GOD ARE THERE PLATES STACKED ON TOP OF THE TOASTER???? - he loves the environment to cook in after I've ragecleaned, but as it inevitably turns into another monstrosity within 24 hours as he cannot comprehend the automated nature of cleaning as you go, I have opted for the lesser evil of not scaring the living shit out of him every Saturday morning at 7am and going straight to the living room for coffee to be brought to me instead.

I think that's just being human. Some people are like that, myself included (neuro typical). Anecdotally, 2 of my diagnosed and medicated ADHD friends are some of the messiest people I know and they don't seem to be bothered about it. 🤷

I’m NT and can’t tolerate a mess.
Totally overwhelms anything that needs doing.

Seeing as everyone seems to be ND these days, then probably.

No, it’s not specific. I think people like to make every little quirk about being ND these days when, although there are specific traits, ND people are all different in a lot of ways too. Needing everything to be tidy and orderly is just how some people like to be organised whether ND or not, it’s less chaotic and many people find it more relaxing to be in a tidy environment. For some people, it might suggest OCD if it takes over their lives!

I’m sure that for SOME ND people it can be part of the presentation if the need for order and routine manifests like that, but conversely, I know someone who is quite profoundly autistic with ADHD who finds cleaning and tidying overwhelming and really struggles to keep on top of everything so has to hire a cleaner else the house would be a shit tip. There’s so many different factors to it.

Thanks for taking me seriously on this.

No I don’t think it is. Some ND are like this and some NT are too. Im ND (AuDHD) and not like this at all. I think maybe as part of many traits it could be, but by itself no.

We are all ND here and as messy as anything, can’t keep anything in order! Just like with many things, it varies!

My ND daughter cannot see mess and it drives my NT self absolutely mental. She's at uni now so it seems amplified when she returns in the holidays after weeks of lovely order.

I feel the same. I’m NT but I can’t function in a messy environment. The visual pollution is not only distracting but it’s anxiety inducing for me. Is it a control thing? Or an aesthete thing? Not sure but I don’t think it shows ND.