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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Was there a spark here?

90 replies

Wastheresomething · 10/04/2025 14:45

Hi all.

Man here, hope this is okay.

So I am a university student who had a morning off the other day, and thought I would go and grab a coffee at the Costa in our local shopping centre. Had my phone with me and thought I would sit and watch a few TikTok's and videos and generally relax.

I walk through the entrance, which is open-plan, as it is in a shopping centre so you can simply walk in and out, am sure you have seen the type. I walk in and look for a free table, there a few mums with buggies chatting and older couples, typical for this kind of day in coffee shops.

I find a free table and sit facing inwards towards the cafe, and the majority of the tables, and from the minute I sit down I notice this young woman looking at me (she is facing outwards on a single table, I am facing inwards a few tables down) but we are clearly in each other's eye line despite the other tables around us full of people.

From the minute we made eye contact I couldn't help but notice how beautiful she was. Being honest with you, once our eyes met I felt these amazing butterflies inside and almost felt slightly giddy! I can't remember the last time I felt this way looking at a woman.

Anyway, I add sugar to my coffee and begin to eat my cake, sitting and scrolling on my phone, and a couple of minutes later I look up and scan the room aimlessly, and in doing so our eyes meet again. Neither of us smiled (I was definitely too nervous to) but I just felt something. Our eyes met and neither of us looked away, or looked freaked out, or anything like that, it just felt like we were both experiencing "a moment`".

She was sitting working on her laptop, I am assuming she was a uni student as she looked a similar age to me, but could also be working (not as a student, I only make that assumption as it is a student town and her age, which looked similar to mine).

As the minutes go by, and I eat my cake and drink my coffee, it just seemed that more and more, we were taking every opportunity to make eye contact across the room. A couple of times I pretended to just be looking around, but in reality was trying to make eye contact, and every time our eyes met, they met. Neither of us looked away instinctively.

If anyone has ever had a moment like this before, you will relate to my thought process of "how can I approach her? Will I never see her again?" We made eye contact a few more times again as I was finishing my coffee and begun a phone conversation with a family member, and this time I physically blushed. She didn't , but I would be surprised if she didn't notice!

Midway through the phone conversation, I looked up for her again, and we had another few-second moment. Little did I know this would be the last time - as the person I was on the phone with asked me to read something from a book I had with me, and whilst doing this I did not notice that she had finished her coffee and food, had packed her laptop up, and had left.

Due to the time of day, if she was a uni student, it is likely that she was on her way there.

However, in hindsight, I do wonder whether or not you feel we had a connection. Obviously 'love at first sight' is impossible as we don't know each other, however I truly believe we had a connection you don't have with the vast majority of strangers you see.
If that was the case, and she liked the look of me too, I can't think of how either of us could have approached each other in a busy Costa setting? How could that have happened?

This whole situation happened over the course of 45 minutes or so.

Whatever it was or it wasn't, I haven't been able to stop thinking about it over the past few days and hope that we will see each other in some future context if anything was meant to be.

Enjoy the sunshine everyone!

OP posts:
SnowFrogJelly · 10/04/2025 14:51

Suggest you ask her… 🥴

PhilosophicalCheeseSandwich · 10/04/2025 14:52

You could have approached her I suppose, asked her if she's at the same university as you. You missed an opportunity, chalk it up to experience.

Wastheresomething · 10/04/2025 14:53

PhilosophicalCheeseSandwich · 10/04/2025 14:52

You could have approached her I suppose, asked her if she's at the same university as you. You missed an opportunity, chalk it up to experience.

Hmm but could I really just walked up to her on another table in a coffee shop though? What could I have said at first?

OP posts:
Babybirdaugust · 10/04/2025 14:54

If I was making heavy eye contact with a man similar age to me, I would most likely be subtly asking him to approach me, so you most likely could have done it. I don’t know what you’d say though.

Anonym00se · 10/04/2025 14:55

You are James Blunt and I claim my fiver.

*Next time you’re passing go back in and see if she’s there.

Condensedmilkdrinker · 10/04/2025 14:55

Another AI post 🥱

Babybirdaugust · 10/04/2025 14:58

I suppose you could say “I caught your eye a few times and thought I’d come over and say hi because I think you’re really stunning”. Have a little chat. Ask questions, be polite, keep it brief though. “I feel like Ive seen you around before… do you go to X university?” “What are you studying?” “I’ve got to go to a lecture now, so I’ve got to be heading off”. At the end of the little chat ask for her number or whatever people ask for these days.

Britneyfan · 10/04/2025 14:59

@Wastheresomething of course you could have! I honestly feel a bit sorry for the way young men now seem terrified to approach women, though I get why it’s happened. However back in my day (I’m talking 1990s/early 2000s) it would have been entirely acceptable at this stage of life (and honestly pretty much expected!) for a man you’ve had some flirty eye contact with in a coffee shop to come over and introduce themselves and ask for your phone number, possibly with a disclaimer of “I hope you don’t mind me asking” first. I’m sure it requires a decent amount of courage from men to do this but when it was seen as a social norm probably much less so. Worst case scenario you’ve misread the signals and she says no! Do ask her if you see her again! I bet she wanted you to.

PhilosophicalCheeseSandwich · 10/04/2025 15:00

Condensedmilkdrinker · 10/04/2025 14:55

Another AI post 🥱

Is it? I'm useless at working out what's a vivid imagination and what's AI. The devil's in the detail - too much info provided makes it seem unlikely I guess.

Britneyfan · 10/04/2025 15:00

Just like@Babybirdaugust suggests, this is exactly how this would have gone back in the day.

Wastheresomething · 10/04/2025 15:01

Condensedmilkdrinker · 10/04/2025 14:55

Another AI post 🥱

No, I'm real and here thank you! Shall I write one of those upper/lowercase codes to prove it?😅

OP posts:
loropianalover · 10/04/2025 15:05

This is so many words for ‘kept making eye contact with a girl in Costa, fancied her, did she fancy me?’

Hopefully it’s not creative writing you’re doing in uni!

Wastheresomething · 10/04/2025 15:05

Britneyfan · 10/04/2025 14:59

@Wastheresomething of course you could have! I honestly feel a bit sorry for the way young men now seem terrified to approach women, though I get why it’s happened. However back in my day (I’m talking 1990s/early 2000s) it would have been entirely acceptable at this stage of life (and honestly pretty much expected!) for a man you’ve had some flirty eye contact with in a coffee shop to come over and introduce themselves and ask for your phone number, possibly with a disclaimer of “I hope you don’t mind me asking” first. I’m sure it requires a decent amount of courage from men to do this but when it was seen as a social norm probably much less so. Worst case scenario you’ve misread the signals and she says no! Do ask her if you see her again! I bet she wanted you to.

I have social anxiety and blush quite easily so as much as I would love to go over, it is much easier said than done for me! I have lost so many opportunities with girls over the years because of it, but try not to let it drag me down if I can. Just have to hope that when the moment is right, and the right person is there, it will happen and fall into place!

OP posts:
Shirkingly · 10/04/2025 15:05

Wastheresomething · 10/04/2025 14:53

Hmm but could I really just walked up to her on another table in a coffee shop though? What could I have said at first?

Seriously? How do you think people got together before the apps? When I was a student in the nineties, one guy I went out with approached me in a coffee shop, another in a pub garden, and one at a book launch. One guy I went on a date with came up to me in an art gallery in Paris. I can’t remember what they said. Probably ‘Hello’.

Wastheresomething · 10/04/2025 15:06

loropianalover · 10/04/2025 15:05

This is so many words for ‘kept making eye contact with a girl in Costa, fancied her, did she fancy me?’

Hopefully it’s not creative writing you’re doing in uni!

Haha, thankfully not! It's the way I like to type though, just who I am

OP posts:
loropianalover · 10/04/2025 15:09

Wastheresomething · 10/04/2025 15:06

Haha, thankfully not! It's the way I like to type though, just who I am

Thank goodness she didn’t take your number! I’m sure the flowery help me hit the word count in this essay style would not be put up with for long 🤣

Wastheresomething · 10/04/2025 15:11

loropianalover · 10/04/2025 15:09

Thank goodness she didn’t take your number! I’m sure the flowery help me hit the word count in this essay style would not be put up with for long 🤣

We're all different aren't we? Who knows, perhaps she was a long wordy-typer as well! Stranger things have happened😊

OP posts:
ItGhoul · 10/04/2025 15:14

I suspect she did fancy you a bit, yes.

mondaytosunday · 10/04/2025 15:16

Jeez. You didn’t need to write that novella.
You should have just gone up to her and said ‘hi can I join you?’ If she said no, smile and walk away. If she says yes offer to buy her another cup of coffee and sit down and chat. This is how it’s done! Lost opportunity.

OkayLetMeKnowHowItGoes · 10/04/2025 15:16

Worst Mills and Boon story ever.

loropianalover · 10/04/2025 15:20

Wastheresomething · 10/04/2025 15:11

We're all different aren't we? Who knows, perhaps she was a long wordy-typer as well! Stranger things have happened😊

Stop making up ‘could be’ ‘would be’ scenarios in your head and live in the real world, you’ll be much better off. Nothing happened with this girl, there’s nothing to ponder or lament over. It’s such a non event and you’ve clearly spent a lot of time thinking and writing about it. You need to stop over analysing every (non) interaction or you’ll never have time to meet an actual partner.

Wastheresomething · 10/04/2025 15:23

loropianalover · 10/04/2025 15:20

Stop making up ‘could be’ ‘would be’ scenarios in your head and live in the real world, you’ll be much better off. Nothing happened with this girl, there’s nothing to ponder or lament over. It’s such a non event and you’ve clearly spent a lot of time thinking and writing about it. You need to stop over analysing every (non) interaction or you’ll never have time to meet an actual partner.

I won't apologise for reminiscing over a nice moment.

OP posts:
Wastheresomething · 10/04/2025 15:28

OkayLetMeKnowHowItGoes · 10/04/2025 15:16

Worst Mills and Boon story ever.

I'm not looking to get published😆

OP posts:
CountryMumof4 · 10/04/2025 15:34

I think some of the responses on here have been a little bit mean (although not quite as harsh as a lot of MN responses, to be fair!). But then again I've a son who I'm assuming is about the same age as you, so I'm kind of looking at it like he'd asked me. For what it's worth, it does sound like you had a moment with this girl. I know it's hard, but if you do see her around again and the same happens, you've nothing to lose by popping over and saying hello - you'll only know if she's open to chatting if you bite the bullet, unless she comes to talk to you first.

Many moons ago, I had a very similar experience in a Waterstones cafe... Ended up dating him for 2 years and still chums now.

Wastheresomething · 10/04/2025 15:37

CountryMumof4 · 10/04/2025 15:34

I think some of the responses on here have been a little bit mean (although not quite as harsh as a lot of MN responses, to be fair!). But then again I've a son who I'm assuming is about the same age as you, so I'm kind of looking at it like he'd asked me. For what it's worth, it does sound like you had a moment with this girl. I know it's hard, but if you do see her around again and the same happens, you've nothing to lose by popping over and saying hello - you'll only know if she's open to chatting if you bite the bullet, unless she comes to talk to you first.

Many moons ago, I had a very similar experience in a Waterstones cafe... Ended up dating him for 2 years and still chums now.

Yes, I've heard it can be fierce on here to say the least! Thank you for the lovely answer, will take it on board😊

OP posts: