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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Would you tell noisy children to be quiet?

48 replies

BePoliteOpalQuail · 10/04/2025 11:57

If they weren't yours.
Just had a 40 minute bus journey with 2 young boys shrieking at top note, shouting, for the entire journey. The occasional sssh from their mum/guardian but that's it. I know there's only so much she could do, but they were infuriating.
I felt like I couldn't say anything, but I was tempted. Nobody else did either, would you have done?
I could still hear them through music, need some noise cancelling earphones.

OP posts:

QuickPeachPoet · 10/04/2025 11:58

Yep
a quick sharp SHUT IT from a stranger usually works wonders as opposed to namby pamby shhh darling from a weak gentle parent

Octavia64 · 10/04/2025 11:59

Yes

but I was a teacher for 20 years and am used to kids.

Sleepalldaylong · 10/04/2025 11:59

I wouldn’t risk the mouthful of abuse that would likely come from the mother.

Ihad2Strokes · 10/04/2025 12:00

I had a career looking after children, so I have absolutely no problem with telling children to be quiet or not to chase the seagulls or whatever.

It's hard to know when your situation though, it would partly depend on the adult with them and how I felt they were coping with the situation and also being a bus journey of only 40 minutes and not knowing well into that that it wasn't going to stop so feasibly less than half an hour I probably wouldn't bother but I might depending on what mood I was in. I'm a very quiet person and don't have a very loud voice, so I wouldn't have shouted anyway.

LlynTegid · 10/04/2025 12:00

You can phrase it as 'be nice to your mother', or something similar.

Ihad2Strokes · 10/04/2025 12:01

It would also depend on their ages.

lazycats · 10/04/2025 12:01

We all wish we could be the person who told loud strangers to stfu on public transport, but deep down we know the risk of saying it to someone who’ll take it very badly and the consequences could be dire.

Original poster

BePoliteOpalQuail · 10/04/2025 12:01

Thanks for replies. Funnily I used to be a teacher too, but have never felt comfortable saying it outside of a classroom. I just didn't have the guts.

OP posts:

Original poster

BePoliteOpalQuail · 10/04/2025 12:01

The boys were about 4, and true I don't know the consequences..

OP posts:

WonderingWanda · 10/04/2025 12:03

If they were being really annoying and clearly annoying the Mum then I would back her up "Boys, your Mum has already asked you to keep the noise down, you really are making quite a lot of noise for on the bus" or something. (Also a teacher)

SilenceInside · 10/04/2025 12:03

Depends how loud and how long I was stuck with it for. It's more difficult if there is an ineffective parent present - if they were unaccompanied then I would be more likely to say something, and have done so in the past. With a parent there, you risk being turned on by them, verbally or otherwise, so I'd judge whether I thought that was likely.

dudsville · 10/04/2025 12:04

Honestly, I'm scared to do that. I carry ear defenders for the bus.

dudsville · 10/04/2025 12:06

Also, it's not just kids. My last dreadful journey was a hen party. It was 4 pm, they were having a great time. I was not.

Dweetfidilove · 10/04/2025 12:08

I hate shrieking and unnecessarily loud noises, so would ask them to tone it down.

Saying that though, I was on a flight this week and the dad behind me was shushing his child every time he started talking. Poor child was talking at regular volume and only every so often, as he was on a device. I think the dad was either so conscious of him disturbing others or knows he can get rambunctious, so he didn't even allow him to 'get loud'. Felt sorry for the poor mite.

Madthings · 10/04/2025 12:09

Nope, wouldn't say anything. Sounds like mum was trying but maybe she knew anything else wouldn't work or would make things worse. I work in complex needs and have my own children who have additional needs including a child with tourettes. There is zero point in me telling him to be quiet, particularly as he is asd/pda as well. Often he cannot help his noises. I do encourage a quiet voice but I have to do it via modelling and in a low demand way. If anyone else told him to be quiet he would like get escalated and we would all have a much worse journey.

I err or the its none of my business unless someone is getting hurt in which case I will keep them safe but a bit of noise I ignore even though that noise may well be triggering my other children with needs. Its the way it goes.

Eenameenadeeka · 10/04/2025 12:18

I definitely wouldn't say anything, especially not children so young. I haven't used the buses since I was a student but I used to wear headphones so I didn't have to hear everyone else.

FanofLeaves · 10/04/2025 12:20

Yeah, I would, but I’ve been a nanny for 15 years and have no problem telling kids off in soft play lobbing stuff about in the baby area or running amock in shops bashing into people etc if their parent is too ineffectual to do it. There’s a lot of unruly kids out there unfortunately because they don’t seem to be brought up with any boundaries or being aware of other people. And a lot of parents that seem to let their kids do whatever as long as long as they’re not hassling them. Usually just a firm short sharp sentence, I don’t lay into them! But more often than not it at least makes them think about what they’re doing, most kids don’t mean to behave badly.

In fact the kids usually take the telling off a lot better than their parents do 😬

I do have my own child too and am pretty ‘on it’ with manners, how we behave etc. obviously kids will be kids but if he wants to run around and scream at the top of his lungs he will be taken to the woods or the playground!

lovemyfreedom · 10/04/2025 12:22

I have choice i give to myself get off the bus or my intrusive thoughts take over and i end up saying something along the lines of shut the fuck up.
Smaller kids i do the side eye or i say keep it down please.
Mostly i have ear buds in now.

TheWonderhorse · 10/04/2025 12:27

No I do the other thing. Say hello and chat about dinosaurs/their favourite colour/where they're going.

I like to be a help to parents where I can rather than an extra stress.

FanofLeaves · 10/04/2025 12:27

Dweetfidilove · 10/04/2025 12:08

I hate shrieking and unnecessarily loud noises, so would ask them to tone it down.

Ah that’s made me feel sad! Children should also definitely taught that it’s ok to have a conversation at normal volume :( poor lad will be afraid to talk.

Honon · 10/04/2025 12:29

Honestly no. I'd intervene if I saw a child being hurt, in danger or bullied but I wouldn't intervene for annoying behaviour. It just wouldn't bother me enough.

Bluevelvetsofa · 10/04/2025 13:50

Sometimes, giving them ‘The Look’ stops them in their tracks. I used it yesterday.

ohnowwhatcanitbe · 10/04/2025 13:55

Bluevelvetsofa · 10/04/2025 13:50

Sometimes, giving them ‘The Look’ stops them in their tracks. I used it yesterday.

Yes - the Death Stare. Works wonders. 😂

Thismomlikesknitting · 10/04/2025 14:01

I've got my niece for the week we on day 2 and I've already lost count on how many times I've had to tell her to shut up or talk quietly.
I took her with me to a gp appointment and in the few minutes we was waiting to be called in I had to tell her 3 times this is not the place to be making noise. I'd told her before going in that she needed to be quite.

With my own I've only got to give them a look and they know it's time to be quite.

Thismomlikesknitting · 10/04/2025 14:05

My 8 year old is autistic I don't stop his stimming which can be noisy because it would make the situation ten times worse.

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