Holiday with someone I don’t know

[Overthebow]

We’re booked to go on holiday with SIL and BIL, self catering holiday cottage. They’ve now said SIL brother may also come. We have a 4 year old dd and a baby, I’ve never met SIL brother and neither has my DC, aibu to say I don’t want him coming? And how would I even say that? I don’t feel comfortable with him staying in the house with my young dd when we don’t know him. I know he’s SIL brother but I don’t think that changes anything for me.

YABU to to make it sound vaguely sinister that this person will be around your kids.

YANBU to be annoyed an extra person’s coming who you don’t know, as that changes the group dynamic and general vibe.

The safety thing wouldn't bother me but someeone being invited without asking me would annoy me.
Also, it will change the dynamic, will you be on kid duties while all the adults (including your DH) enjoy themselves?
It would be a no from me and I think I am NT

He is not sort of extended family?

My thoughts too... Could you arrange an extended family meet up for before the holiday to just touch base with one another? I'm sure he'll be nice! I've met my sils brothers on a few occasions and they're just nice, normal people!

He's not some random,he's the SIL's brother.

@Overthebow masking is just so negative, (eta;) for your health

Please be kind to yourself, there is no need to hide ma lovely. 🌼

If your issue is simply that you don’t think you’ll be able to relax if you’re having to make small talk with someone you don’t know, YANBU.

If your issue is that you think he might be a paedophile, YABU.

This.

It's very presumptuous.

We stay in a ski chalet every year with 3-4 other families who we don’t know. The kids love it. They’ll be fine.

I think they are being very unreasonable indeed - I can’t imagine thinking it’s ok to just announce that the brother will be rocking up and joining the holiday! Even more so if I knew a family member was ND and therefore likely needed things to be predictable and without additional social demands. It makes total sense that you’d want to process it all and formulate your response before saying anything btw 🌻 Can your DH say something to them?

if you like SiL and she gets on well with her brother, perhaps consider that it could be fun for your kids and you? Extended family can make for a great holiday

I wouldn't give this a second thought, the more the merrier in my world. Especially family.

That sounds like a lovely world to inhabit, but those of us who are ND, introverted and/or have negative experiences of family may well feel differently!

🙄

I am definitely an introvert, but the OP has said there is enough space, so I'd be happy to take myself/kids off to decompress and do our own thing as required.

Who is a total random to OP and her children

I have to envy people who blithely put their children into situations with completely unknown people without thinking of the terrible things that can happen.

😂Yes because all incidents of child abuse, abductions, murders etc generally happen on group ski holidays with multiple families.

I wouldn't want to holiday with a stranger at all, especially in self catering accommodation. To little privacy.

You think it's funny? It can happen anywhere. Especially when you can't safeguard your children and laugh at the danger.

Fair enough, but I’d rather be able to decompress in the place I’d paid to stay in with my kids! I think the issue is that they should’ve asked, rather than told the OP that this was happening.

Taking them on holiday? Where you are present, and living in the same house, supervising?

My children were subjected to abuse by someone we knew and trusted with our/their lives. We left them alone with the person not suspecting for one second it would happen. It's damaged my relationship with the world forever, and my trust in the goodness of some people has gone, but it has taught me how to assess risks much more accurately. A situation where I am present, in the same home, supervising, is not a high risk one. Even with a 'random' there.

I think some people are just blessed with an extraordinary lack of imagination.

I think that it would have been courteous if you were asked

You are absolutely right. It can happen anywhere. But why would the OP not be "safeguarding" her 4 year old child and baby on holiday. Regardless of who they are holidaying with?!

Do you not let your child go to school? To the local park? Have tutoring? Go on school trips? Be looked after by relatives? Go for a sleepover at a friends?

You can't live your life in fear of ever being around people your children don't know when, let's face it, most cases of child abuse are by people that they DO know!!!