Forgot his 50th birthday!!

[SillyMeBusyBe]

Long distance bfrs birthday was Monday and completely forgot!!! He called me part way through the day and asked if I had remembered and I died inside. I'm still feeling sick about it 3 days later. The guilt is insane. He said he is ok with it but it's seriously not ok. Yes I've got alot on, solo parent, working full time and studying for PhD. He lives in US so is a few hours behind, so assume he wanted to wake up with something from me planned but nothing. I didn't even say good morning, I was absolutely rushed off my feet that morning with easter holiday and getting to work. I feel so incredibly bad I could cry. How can I possibly even make it up to him? I sent something via amazon but it feels like aast minute thing. Planning to visit during summer hols and honestly will have to make it up then. I feel so incredibly guilty.

Honestly, not saying this to make you feel bad, but I'd take this as a sign that you're just not that into him

All you can do is own it. You forgot, it doesn’t mean you don’t love him you are busy and human. If he lived locally it would have come up/plans discussed. Had it not been mentioned at all in the past few weeks?
All you can do is apologise it’s up to him if he accepts it.

Yes sorry I’m not really sure you can make up for this, you’re busy but he just wasn’t a priority for you. An amazing present/throwing money at it won’t make it better, you need to find a way to really show you care about him.

You can’t make up for that. It’s the same date every year and no one’s too busy or important to plan ahead for something like that.

Poor man, I hope other people remembered.

How long have you been together? Was it his first birthday with you together? Had you chatted about it? Makes a difference if it had barely been mentioned and it’s the first one, to if you’ve been together years or you’d chatted about it frequently.

Been together less than 6 months.

Less than six months?! It’s fine.

I’m not a birthday person, and though I accept many many people are, the ‘expectation’ he had would not really match with what I’m prepared to invest. PP saying it’s a sign you’re just not that into him may be right.

If you said it was a 20 year marriage and you know he’s really into birthdays, or he’s had a hard time recently and I might have given a different answer.

Have you met him in person yet?

Me too.
50 is a big deal, to be honest if it was my birthday I'm not sure I could forgive such a big thing as forgetting my 50th birthday.
I see it's early days in your relationship, but to not even call first to wish him Happy Birthday...... not good.

Is this really the relationship for you? You already have a lot of commitments, adding a long distance relationship with somebody thousands of miles away doesn’t seem particularly sustainable. There are going to be lots of moments like this, involving organisation and planning ahead and not being able just to wing it last minute. At six months in, before you even really know each other, it’s much easier to admit that this just isn’t for you and move on without angst on either side.

Yes met twice in person. He's a family friends childhood friend.

I don't think I'm not into him, I think I'm just struggling with distance. I thought carving time out of my day was enough to keep spark going. I never forget friends birthdays or siblings but I've know about those for years. But I always forget my grandparents who have passed birthdays as they passed when I was little. What I'm trying to say, is birthdays become a routine for me and his has been added to the routine yet. I feel so horribly guilty I've not even had an appetite.

Are you seeing him soon, could you arrange something for then?

Next month. Thinking of organising a suprise party with friends he has here and family.

Yes met twice in person.

Twice since the relationship started, or just twice?

Just twice. First time meeting and second time since meeting, if that makes sense.

it is bad @SillyMeBusyBe but you clearly know that and you are feeling terrible about it. Without turning it into ‘about you’ I would say something brief to let him know you take it seriously e.g.:

‘I’m truly sorry. I know I’ve got a lot on but there really is no excuse and I want you to know I can’t sleep and have lost my appetite because I feel so terrible for hurting you. Not trying to turn it round to how bad I feel but wanted you to know I understand this is a big deal. I can only apologise’

This. I don't want to focus on myself entirely. I just want to express how horrible I feel

I'm sorry but what on earth are you doing having a relationship with someone who lives in the US?
How to add more stress onto your already stressful life. I couldn't be doing with all that. I think you are making more work for yourself and you really have no way of knowing what he is doing over there when he is not with you.
How can you possibly properly get to know someone over such a distance.

I think it's no big deal. You forgot his birthday because you were busy. If he lived near you, you probably would have been planing something.

I think there's a lot of pettiness on this site about birthdays. It's not like he's your child.

I voted YABU but then read that he lives in the US, you’ve been ‘together’ less than six months and you’ve only met him twice!!!
I don’t think this ‘relationship’ has legs to be honest.

I think you’re beating yourself up unnecessarily into drama to be honest. As much as you want to call him your boyfriend, it’s the birthday of somebody who you really barely know, who is fundamentally peripheral to your actual life. An apology, sure, great, the right thing to do. Nonsense about feeling horrible and not being able to sleep or eat because you didn’t remember and go all out to celebrate the birthday of somebody you’ve met twice is exactly why this relationship isn’t sustainable.

This made me laugh because it's true, apart from the unsustainable part. It's a very short relationship and new but I don't want him to think that I'm not interested because I am, he is a lovely man.

Well, if he's a lovely man, he'll understand that you've got a lot on, it's the first time his birthday has entered your thought process, he'll accept your apology and you move on. If he turns it into any sort of drama, he's not a lovely man and worth bothering with.

OP your update changes absolutely everything, but because lots of people don't read them, you may receive a bit of criticism.
Please ignore because there's no way this is terrible given the circumstances.

Less than 6 months? And he lives abroad? Totally fine to forget.

Send a card and gift and treat him to a nice meal out when you meet.