Page 3 | To think therapy culture has gone too far?

lavenderlou · 10/04/2025 09:43

It's hard to get therapy on the NHS. Private therapy is very expensive. So people are probably not going to be using it of they don't need to. I really wish I didn't have to pay a fortune for my teen to have therapy.

Roseshavethorns · 10/04/2025 10:05

BlueCleaningCloth · 10/04/2025 09:02

It's a fine balance, as we want stigma around mental health problems to reduce, but this does and has sadly led to a misunderstanding about mental health.

Being sad about something doesn't mean you have depression. Being nervous about heading to a party with people you don't know doesn't mean you have social anxiety. Being worried about your finances doesn't mean you have clinically significant symptoms of GAD. Millions of people go through traumatic incidents and don't develop PTSD. Millions of people experience bereavement and grief as a normal, natural part of life rather than medicalising and trying to treat it away.

And the therapy speak thing is a noticeable problem. Anyone who is sad is depressed. Anyone who likes to keep their home neat has OCD (or 'is OCD'). Anyone who says something you don't like is a narcissist. Anyone who tells you they have a different opinion is gaslighting you.

I'm quite fascinated by the different approaches and perspectives on therapy. In the US for example there's a real 'everyone benefits from therapy even if you're feeling good, keep going, you wouldn't not take your car to be serviced just cos it's not breaking down', amongst those that can afford it. Personally I think keeping someone dependent on therapy is unethical and the NHS has it right. Offer time-limited treatment to people to enable them to manage their own mental health and then discharge. Long term dependence does nobody any favours.

The rise of self-diagnosis through TikTok has been pretty wild to see. It has spilled out into neurodivergence now too. Anyone who is really interested in a topic is autistic because of a 'special interest'. Anyone who finds it hard to concentrate on studying 'has ADHD'.

I agree with this.
I also worry that labelling every negative emotion as a condition minimises the true impact of that condition.
How many people say they are depressed when they are a bit fed up. But how do you then describe someone who is suffering with the paralysing effects of depression. The sheer weight of the condition. The times when brushing your teeth is an insurmountable task. When the thought of doing something causes you to panic?
The Mumsnet habit of labelling every partner that raises their voice or swears as abusive. It desensitises us all to the term "abuse" which means that when someone is suffering "real" abuse it is much easier for them to fall through the cracks.

MountAth0s · 10/04/2025 10:13

Very few people have access to therapy. There is next to none in the NHS and private is extortionate. Way out of many people’s league and finding a good one is very difficult.

lavenderlou · 10/04/2025 10:47

I wonder how many of the people who dismiss mental health difficulties so readily on here have ever actually suffered from one, or had a loved one who does? And who are they to decide which sufferers they deem sufficiently badly affected to be considered "genuine". It comes across as people who have no personal experience sneering and making generalisations about something they actually know nothing about.

I am fortunate not to have suffered significantly with my own mental health but I have a partner and DC who have had a lot of difficulties and it is truly awful and very difficult to get any help.

Shirkingly · 10/04/2025 10:51

BeSharpOliveHedgehog · 09/04/2025 21:37

Not at all - I think boundaries and emotional insight are important. I just think there’s a difference between healthy self-awareness and pathologising every discomfort or disagreement. My point was that some of this language is getting overused to the point of losing meaning and sometimes even weaponised. That’s not the same as saying “all therapy is bad” or that people shouldn’t have boundaries.

Show quote history

But that’s nothing to do with therapy. It’s a magazine/internet pop psychology take on therapy. I have fairly extensive experience of therapy, and none of my good, highly-qualified therapists would ever use those terms. ‘Narcissist’ is a particularly irritating term, and overwhelmingly used on here to mean ‘someone who behaves towards me in ways I don’t like’ in order to pathologise the other person. More therapy, not less, would lessen that kind of nonsense.

TempestTost · 10/04/2025 10:56

BlueCleaningCloth · 10/04/2025 09:10

One thing I do personally think is extremely positive though is the upsurgence of people understanding and talking about boundaries.

We live in a culture/society, most of us, where 'but it's family' is the response to every instance where a relative has done something cruel or dangerous or extremely hurtful. You're pushed to forgive and forget. 'Be the bigger person'. 'You'll regret it when they're gone' and all that crap. Someone will complain that their mother has stole a grand off them and blown it on the horses and they want to go no contact and posters will inevitably swoop in with 'wow, my mum died, I'd give anything to have her back, you'll regret this'.

So I do actually think it's really helpful that people are now getting more educated about their boundaries, about standing up for themselves, not tolerating abuse, having the right to decide who they have in their life.

Saw a horrific news story last week where parents had let grandma babysit their little boy, she fell asleep and he went outside and drowned in the pool. The mother was pressured in therapy to 'move on' and forgive, and trust her again and not hold a grudge, so she left her little baby girl with grandma. Grandma left baby in a hot car and went inside to play piano and watch TV for HOURS while the baby died. I did wonder reading that what the outcome would have been if the parents had people in their life saying 'it's perfectly acceptable to not trust her again with your child'.

That was a terrible case, although it seems there was a kind of gap between forgiving/moving on, and knowing when someone is able to be a safe caregiver.

However, I think a lot of people take the boundary stuff in the wrong way too, and use it to make it ok for them to ignore obligations with difficult people.

Lisapieces · 10/04/2025 11:01

We have an organisation called 1 in 4 where I live it estimates the instance of child abuse here as being 25% so no I actually think the opposite is true that toxic behaviour is absolutely rife, porn, VAWG, bullying, war, narcissistic behaviour aka Putin and Trump captivating their respective populations, the list is endless

The human capacity for darkness is underestimated by our ability to cope with some seriously dark behaviour using survival mechanisms of denial, turning blind eyes, minimisations. I think people are high adaptive, highly resilient and all that is happening now is a massive wake up to how shocking uncontrolled human behaviour can be.

outofofficeagain · 10/04/2025 11:03

I agree, and I speak as someone who has struggled with grief, PTSD, anxiety and depression. I’ve had therapy on and off for years, and medication. My DS also had a therapist.

But all of those things are tools and supports to help me live in the world and move forward. People often use them as excuses for not doing things, or demanding things from others.

i’ve met quite a few people recently who have given me a diagnosis of something or other on first meeting. It is not my responsibility to manage that.

boundaries are great, as long as they are not drawn so tightly you no longer tolerate being uncomfortable or challenged.

PotatoWafflerWrites · 10/04/2025 11:06

I'm a former therapist, I agree. I also am not a therapist any more because I think the whole system is messed up and not all that helpful as it is.

MountAth0s · 10/04/2025 11:08

lavenderlou · 10/04/2025 10:47

I wonder how many of the people who dismiss mental health difficulties so readily on here have ever actually suffered from one, or had a loved one who does? And who are they to decide which sufferers they deem sufficiently badly affected to be considered "genuine". It comes across as people who have no personal experience sneering and making generalisations about something they actually know nothing about.

I am fortunate not to have suffered significantly with my own mental health but I have a partner and DC who have had a lot of difficulties and it is truly awful and very difficult to get any help.

This!

MountAth0s · 10/04/2025 11:13

Lisapieces · 10/04/2025 11:01

We have an organisation called 1 in 4 where I live it estimates the instance of child abuse here as being 25% so no I actually think the opposite is true that toxic behaviour is absolutely rife, porn, VAWG, bullying, war, narcissistic behaviour aka Putin and Trump captivating their respective populations, the list is endless

The human capacity for darkness is underestimated by our ability to cope with some seriously dark behaviour using survival mechanisms of denial, turning blind eyes, minimisations. I think people are high adaptive, highly resilient and all that is happening now is a massive wake up to how shocking uncontrolled human behaviour can be.

This!
I think what children, teens and young adults have experienced and are going through is a ticking time bomb that we ignore at our peril. I suspect a huge number have seen and are managing things many parents don’t know about. I suspect far more have suffered abuse particularly online that goes unrecorded as it’s so common. The government cares more about keeping big tech happy than protecting children and teens or giving those struggling the care they need.

As I said it’s a ticking time bomb. You can’t ignore
or bully people well.

JoanJet · 10/04/2025 11:16

In every day life (real life) I think it is a positive thing that people know more and accept more about mh/ mh problems and are more able to spot and call out bad behaviour that used to be ignored/ tolerated. It does tip over sometimes with some people but all in all, still a good thing.
The things you mentioned are buzz words/ phrases. Every generation, every culture will have some in its lexicon. The difference these days is we are all exposed to a lot of different media that repeat these buzz words and phrases ad nauseum. If you are fed up of them, spend less time online.

aspidernamedfluffy · 10/04/2025 11:57

I agree OP.

Frizzi · 10/04/2025 11:59

BeSharpOliveHedgehog · 09/04/2025 21:15

Not every bad day is trauma. Not every disagreement is “toxic.” Some people just need to toughen up and stop pathologising normal emotions. AIBU to think the rise of therapy speak (“boundaries,” “gaslighting,” “narcissist”) is turning everyone into self-obsessed armchair psychologists?

You seem agitated about this, also a bit defensive. Some posts seem manic. Have you considered therapy?

drspouse · 10/04/2025 12:01

YANBU. When we were easing back into office life after COVID we had some well being type (now left the company thank goodness) talk to us about how we were all traumatised. Oh yes, I thought, I bet there are several people who have lost loved ones
No, he meant it was traumatic to see people over Zoom.

Dodeedoo · 10/04/2025 12:55

OutandAboutMum1821 · 09/04/2025 21:26

YANBU. Over-thinking and over-analysing everything is creating unnecessary misery and destroying mindfulness and spontaneous joy.

I agree with this and I do it. I can be my own worst enemy by trying to make sense of shit. Just need to crack on with my life and live in the moment. Easier said than done, I know.

itsgettingweird · 10/04/2025 13:00

I agree to an extent.

I think on one hand we are better at recognising and providing support for those who need it and that’s a good thing.

OTOH natural worry has turned into “anxiety” and not only do people use it because they think the word is Teflon it dilutes the real life affecting difficulties propel with actual anxiety face on a daily basis.

BarneyRonson · 10/04/2025 13:06

It’s a disaster that people use therapy speak and are clueless about what they are saying.its also a disaster that so many mentally unstable people find online platforms and attract their mirror images and form communities of nutters. As if there were truth in numbers of deluded people speaking loudly. It’s a terrible mess that ignorance has claimed itself as psychologically aware,and it talks really loudly.

Titasaducksarse · 10/04/2025 13:08

I know someone who never mentioned issues with parents....went to a psychotherapist and poof...guess what their latest 'issue' is.

WayneEyre · 10/04/2025 13:12

BeSharpOliveHedgehog · 09/04/2025 21:37

Not at all - I think boundaries and emotional insight are important. I just think there’s a difference between healthy self-awareness and pathologising every discomfort or disagreement. My point was that some of this language is getting overused to the point of losing meaning and sometimes even weaponised. That’s not the same as saying “all therapy is bad” or that people shouldn’t have boundaries.

Show quote history

I agree with this point, not so much with the original post's wording.

WayneEyre · 10/04/2025 13:19

I think there is a big issue of confirmation bias in therapy which just isnt discussed (at least with clients). I believe, and and I am not sure quite how, this should be addressed as a bias at the start of therapy. It's quite complex as of course a therapist can't just constantly challenge someone's feelings or memories, they are there to process and be listened to. But it's (loosely) how I think half the world is now interchangeably a narcissist according to the other half.

OutandAboutMum1821 · 10/04/2025 13:38

Dodeedoo · 10/04/2025 12:55

I agree with this and I do it. I can be my own worst enemy by trying to make sense of shit. Just need to crack on with my life and live in the moment. Easier said than done, I know.

Show quote history

Agree. My original post comes from me being an intense over-thinker myself. I love to read and swim, as they are the only times my busy mind is quieter. It’s definitely easier said than done.

WhenYouSayNothingAtAll · 10/04/2025 14:21

Tbf this happens everytime there’s more awareness about things and naming the issue. There’s always backlash from various groups or society in general and this outrage that “it’s everywhere now” , “you can’t say anything anymore” etc.

TempestTost · 10/04/2025 17:05

lavenderlou · 10/04/2025 10:47

I wonder how many of the people who dismiss mental health difficulties so readily on here have ever actually suffered from one, or had a loved one who does? And who are they to decide which sufferers they deem sufficiently badly affected to be considered "genuine". It comes across as people who have no personal experience sneering and making generalisations about something they actually know nothing about.

I am fortunate not to have suffered significantly with my own mental health but I have a partner and DC who have had a lot of difficulties and it is truly awful and very difficult to get any help.

So your working hypothesis is, anyone who thinks that has never dealt with mental illness or trauma?

Yeah, I think that's not true. For one thing, almost everyone has or knows someone well who has.

Personally, I have within my immediate family people who have been in a mental institution, various cases of addiction, a person who was treated with electroshock therapy, and two cases of PTSD from being in a war, among other things. And I don't think I'm an outlier, plenty of people with experiences of these kinds would agree with the OP.

TempestTost · 10/04/2025 17:10

outofofficeagain · 10/04/2025 11:03

I agree, and I speak as someone who has struggled with grief, PTSD, anxiety and depression. I’ve had therapy on and off for years, and medication. My DS also had a therapist.

But all of those things are tools and supports to help me live in the world and move forward. People often use them as excuses for not doing things, or demanding things from others.

i’ve met quite a few people recently who have given me a diagnosis of something or other on first meeting. It is not my responsibility to manage that.

boundaries are great, as long as they are not drawn so tightly you no longer tolerate being uncomfortable or challenged.

i’ve met quite a few people recently who have given me a diagnosis of something or other on first meeting. It is not my responsibility to manage that.

Yeah, this seems to be more and more a thing, people are feeling very free to use a diagnosis to demand special considerations or privileges, or to excuse inappropriate behaviour.

I think it's always the case that certain people will look for any leverage that is available to get what they want, and right now, claiming a diagnosis is an effective way to do that.