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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think you don’t get out of paying the bill because you don’t drink?

458 replies

ThatHardyWaspAgain · 09/04/2025 19:58

I’m sure this has been done many times before by people in similar scenarios.

I went out for a bit of lunch with two friend’s and one of them brought another friend along that I’ve never met but was nice enough.

However, when it came to the bill, she said ‘’Can we please calculate it all with the alcohol you’ve had separately paid for? Because I only had classical cokes’’

So, we did as she asked. Added up everything but removed the drinks. So 3 of us paid for our drinks in a split, and then did another split for the rest with her and her food and classical colas.

The annoying bit is, she had 3 of them. And they weren’t really much different in price to most of our alcohol.

We all had the same roast and mango cheesecake.

I wouldn’t mind but she kept insisting we all had a dessert so she didn’t feel alone in having one. We’re adults after all but it is a bit annoying

Separate thread to come to see if I would be U to tell my friend not to bring her along again

She also didn’t tip.

OP posts:
Cosyblankets · 10/04/2025 15:33

Whoever split the bill did it wrong.

Clementorangeade · 10/04/2025 16:20

But it seems the CF asked for only the alcohol to be taken off before the four-way split.

Literally maybe, according to OP.
But it’s quite strange to actually interpret that request so very literally, and even stranger to go ahead and do the split like that.

HamptonPlace · 10/04/2025 16:53

ThatHardyWaspAgain · 09/04/2025 19:58

I’m sure this has been done many times before by people in similar scenarios.

I went out for a bit of lunch with two friend’s and one of them brought another friend along that I’ve never met but was nice enough.

However, when it came to the bill, she said ‘’Can we please calculate it all with the alcohol you’ve had separately paid for? Because I only had classical cokes’’

So, we did as she asked. Added up everything but removed the drinks. So 3 of us paid for our drinks in a split, and then did another split for the rest with her and her food and classical colas.

The annoying bit is, she had 3 of them. And they weren’t really much different in price to most of our alcohol.

We all had the same roast and mango cheesecake.

I wouldn’t mind but she kept insisting we all had a dessert so she didn’t feel alone in having one. We’re adults after all but it is a bit annoying

Separate thread to come to see if I would be U to tell my friend not to bring her along again

She also didn’t tip.

What does a roast cheesecake taste like? You're not meaning a New York cheesecake?

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe · 10/04/2025 17:48

Chiseltip · 10/04/2025 10:20

Tipping exists in certain industries for a reason.

Minimum wage means minimum effort. Fine if you're just stacking shelves at Asda. But people don't go to restaurants because they are hungry, they go there for the experience. Having a shelf stacker speak to you in a rude, sullen manner when you asked where the Beans are is understandable. But when you're paying £100 or more for meal in a restaurant, you expect more than minimum effort from the staff. A rude server can ruin the atmosphere. So tipping is an incentive for the restaurant staff to provide a level of service over and above what minimum wage would imply.

Show quote history

Why would any restaurant employ a rude server? They are paid to do the job that they're doing and do it adequately.

Tipping was needed pre-NMW but then again, it was needed by many people in industries that weren't part of the custom. Charge should be built in at the start, charge customers what you want and let them decide if they want to pay for it.

I will tip (very well) where service has been really excellent, I don't and won't otherwise. There really is no argument for it when other services don't get awarded this discretionary payment. People feel compelled and pressurised to pay it, even when there is no or very little service and so the cycle continues.

I won't criticise them for doing that but I'm not interested in doing that myself.

Daftypants · 10/04/2025 17:58

Huh ? I don’t drink either but she ought to pay for exactly what she had separately , then the remainder of the bill split between the rest of you 🤔
When I’ve been out for a meal the alcoholic drinks are always a lot more expensive than the soft drinks unless someone is ordering fancy mocktails , so she must’ve been guzzling loads of coke for it to be anywhere near the same price as the wine / cocktails / mixer drinks ?

laraitopbanana · 10/04/2025 18:04

Gosh, there is just a lot of different ways and not only one is good.

she didn’t want to pay your alcohol and some might be ok with that, others find it annoying. It just seems that it annoyed you so she isn’t your cup of tea.

I think just leave it, don’t mention it, live with it it will be ok.

Bikergran · 10/04/2025 18:07

I always pay for what I have eaten or drunk, and refuse to subsidise other people's drinks.

knor · 10/04/2025 18:10

Honestly I think it’s fine for people to pay for what they had. Good friends (I know someone you didn’t know that well) would happily do this. Depends the difference also i think. If she had 3 cokes that came to £9 but you had a bottle of wine for £25, then you should pay more. Don’t think it’s about the alcohol, it’s about the cost difference. People have different situations - jobs, kids or no kids, mortgage free etc

Xmasxrackers · 10/04/2025 18:25

MidnightPatrol · 09/04/2025 20:00

What’s a classical cola?

it plays the violin on occasion

Idontcareboutthestateofmyhair · 10/04/2025 18:29

Not sure where you're based. I'm in the UK and when a bunch of us were in Canada for a wedding for a week (about 15 of us) we are out/drank a lot... 95% of places we went asked straight away 'split bill?' Yes please! Not a problem for them to put through fifteen different tabs and add on as each person wanted a dessert or another drink! Then they went round the table at the end and gave bill/took payment from each individual. It was a good send. Wish we would do it more here, so easy. Nobody was 'done' and nobody felt guilty for ordering whatever they wanted. Although here if I was drinking and someone else wasn't I'd stick an extra tenner or something in or the equivalent of what I had. I've also been on the receiving end of split bills when the big eaters/drinkers don't put extra in 🙄 but in your case I think she was being a bit unfair, soft drinks can cost just as much these days. Maybe if she comes along next time and isn't drinking just tell her to asked for separate bill at the beginning?

Melx42 · 10/04/2025 18:34

TheJollyMoose · 09/04/2025 20:01

YABU. I don’t drink and I won’t facilitate other people drinking either.

I don’t split the bill - I will pay for what I’ve eaten and drank.

Oh and no, I don’t tip either. You aren’t helping when you tip, you know. You aren’t being kind or a good citizen.

You’re part of the problem and you’re keeping wages low by tipping because employers have no incentive to up wages when mugs like you will flash the cash to make yourselves feel good.

Wendy Raquel Robinson Comedy GIF by CBS

You sound a delight!

LasVegass · 10/04/2025 18:55

Absolutemelt · 09/04/2025 23:15

She’s quibbling about the bill to save less than 2 quid. Of course she’s the arsehole. Don’t go out with her again, she sounds a nightmare if this is what she’s like the first you met.

I agree. The difference is so small that it’s worth being flexible with a new group of friends.

slashlover · 10/04/2025 18:57

Bepo77 · 09/04/2025 20:19

As someone who’s worked in the service industry I appreciate your philosophy, however in the real world: please tip

Show quote history

As someone who's worked in retail earning minimum wage, why should I when I don't get tips?

fromthegecko · 10/04/2025 18:59

Clementorangeade · 10/04/2025 16:20

But it seems the CF asked for only the alcohol to be taken off before the four-way split.

Literally maybe, according to OP.
But it’s quite strange to actually interpret that request so very literally, and even stranger to go ahead and do the split like that.

It may be strange, but it is what actually happened, with the result that CF ended up £7.50 to the good, at the expense of everyone else. 44% think this is reasonable, and I'm trying to work out why. I think perhaps that I will never know....

Worrywort23 · 10/04/2025 19:12

I haven't read the whole thread so this may have been covered but I don't really know how she managed to pull this off. When she stated that she wouldn't pay for the alcoholic drinks and split the remainder of the bill, surely someone out of the three of you said "ok, we'll pay for our drinks, you pay for your cokes and we'll split the food bill".
People can only get away with this rubbish if other people let them!

ByLemonSwan · 10/04/2025 19:19

WateryBottle · 09/04/2025 20:16

I don’t read it like that. I think OP is annoyed that this woman didn’t want to contribute towards others drinks but wanted people to contribute to hers despite them being a similar price. I think the OP is annoyed about the principle not the money.

Show quote history

I don't think it's that either. They said to take off the alcohol, the person who calculated it didn't take off all the drinks and get her to just pay for her own. They included her drinks in the split. Which is the fault of the person who did the calculation and not the person who didn't want to pay for the alcohol.

Laura95167 · 10/04/2025 19:20

Split evenly or everyone pays for what they had. I often have a soft drink with lunch and it's rarely cheaper

fromthegecko · 10/04/2025 19:22

Worrywort23 · 10/04/2025 19:12

I haven't read the whole thread so this may have been covered but I don't really know how she managed to pull this off. When she stated that she wouldn't pay for the alcoholic drinks and split the remainder of the bill, surely someone out of the three of you said "ok, we'll pay for our drinks, you pay for your cokes and we'll split the food bill".
People can only get away with this rubbish if other people let them!

I think maybe they just didn't spot that she'd spent so much. I don't think it's odd for several drinkers to slightly subsidise one non-drinker if it saves a bit of fiddling about with the bill (we do this in my friend group every time, as a thank you for her sometimes being designated driver and for putting up with us when drunk ).

Clementorangeade · 10/04/2025 19:30

fromthegecko · 10/04/2025 18:59

It may be strange, but it is what actually happened, with the result that CF ended up £7.50 to the good, at the expense of everyone else. 44% think this is reasonable, and I'm trying to work out why. I think perhaps that I will never know....

Show quote history

You can’t rely on that voting.

Mainly because OP actually asks two questions as I outlined upthread, so it’s unclear if people are voting to answer the first or second.
And it’s entirely possible to think the answer is YANBU to the first question and YABU to the second…so who knows what the voting actually indicates.

Clementorangeade · 10/04/2025 19:33

ByLemonSwan · 10/04/2025 19:19

I don't think it's that either. They said to take off the alcohol, the person who calculated it didn't take off all the drinks and get her to just pay for her own. They included her drinks in the split. Which is the fault of the person who did the calculation and not the person who didn't want to pay for the alcohol.

Show quote history

I agree.

Possibly this person was OP as she seems to have disappeared 😁

GiveDogBone · 10/04/2025 19:33

TheJollyMoose · 09/04/2025 20:01

YABU. I don’t drink and I won’t facilitate other people drinking either.

I don’t split the bill - I will pay for what I’ve eaten and drank.

Oh and no, I don’t tip either. You aren’t helping when you tip, you know. You aren’t being kind or a good citizen.

You’re part of the problem and you’re keeping wages low by tipping because employers have no incentive to up wages when mugs like you will flash the cash to make yourselves feel good.

You must be real fun at parties.

Trishthedish · 10/04/2025 19:47

I our local pub a pint of coke is £r4.40! A glass of wine is £3.80. She’s the cheeky one

Clementorangeade · 10/04/2025 20:05

Trishthedish · 10/04/2025 19:47

I our local pub a pint of coke is £r4.40! A glass of wine is £3.80. She’s the cheeky one

In this case her bill was slightly lower than the others’ @Trishthedish.

Doubt she drank 3 pints of coke tbh.
And I wish wine cost that where I am!!

MillieMinx · 10/04/2025 20:12

As someone who is unable to drink alcohol I always pay for just what I had. I usually only have a couple of drinks so no way I’m going to sub everyone else’s drinks! We don’t tip where I live and quite often the driver gets free drinks by the restaurant or people being taxied around so we divide the bill by what you consume. It’s fairer that way especially if people eat a lot less or are on a budget. YABU

AnonbecauseIamlackinginspiration · 10/04/2025 20:30

TheJollyMoose · 09/04/2025 20:01

YABU. I don’t drink and I won’t facilitate other people drinking either.

I don’t split the bill - I will pay for what I’ve eaten and drank.

Oh and no, I don’t tip either. You aren’t helping when you tip, you know. You aren’t being kind or a good citizen.

You’re part of the problem and you’re keeping wages low by tipping because employers have no incentive to up wages when mugs like you will flash the cash to make yourselves feel good.

WTAF? This is nonsense and a narrative you’ve created to justify not being generous enough to tip ! How do you think employers will magically be able to raise all wages to match tips in the current climate??!