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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think you don’t get out of paying the bill because you don’t drink?

458 replies

ThatHardyWaspAgain · 09/04/2025 19:58

I’m sure this has been done many times before by people in similar scenarios.

I went out for a bit of lunch with two friend’s and one of them brought another friend along that I’ve never met but was nice enough.

However, when it came to the bill, she said ‘’Can we please calculate it all with the alcohol you’ve had separately paid for? Because I only had classical cokes’’

So, we did as she asked. Added up everything but removed the drinks. So 3 of us paid for our drinks in a split, and then did another split for the rest with her and her food and classical colas.

The annoying bit is, she had 3 of them. And they weren’t really much different in price to most of our alcohol.

We all had the same roast and mango cheesecake.

I wouldn’t mind but she kept insisting we all had a dessert so she didn’t feel alone in having one. We’re adults after all but it is a bit annoying

Separate thread to come to see if I would be U to tell my friend not to bring her along again

She also didn’t tip.

OP posts:
Grammarnut · 09/04/2025 23:53

I would have taken all the drinks out, so each paid for their own, and split the bill for the meals. In such a case I would have paid for any drink separately, anyway and would have said I would only split the food bill, not the alcohol. Hate splitting bills.

mumzof4x · 09/04/2025 23:57

I don’t drink and would rather not pay for everyone’s wine when I’m always on soda water .
Buy my friends wouldn’t expect me to pay for their drinks.

Nanny0gg · 09/04/2025 23:57

Comedycook · 09/04/2025 20:03

As a non drinker, I think yabu.

I don't mind splitting evenly if others have had something like one single glass of wine and I've had soft drinks. But if other people are ordering bottle after bottle of wine, I really don't think it's fair that I should subsidize that

But they subsidised hers!

Just pay for your own!

WhenICalledYouLastNightFromTesco · 10/04/2025 00:16

ThatHardyWaspAgain · 09/04/2025 20:03

Our alcohol total was £12.50 and her cokes all came to £10.12

So it’s okay for us to sub her drinks just because they’re non alcohol?

This is where you went wrong.

'That's no problem, we'll just take all drinks, both alcoholic and non-alcoholic off the bill', or, 'Seeing as we've all eaten the same, but drank different beverages, we'll just pay for what we've had this time'.

That might've made them think twice OP. I don't think YABU in this situation.

Ladyluckinred · 10/04/2025 00:22

Crushed23 · 09/04/2025 23:38

Also, how did you get 3 alcoholic drinks for £12.50? What did you all drink? A restaurant charging over £3 for a coke surely isn’t only charging ~£4 for a glass of wine or a beer?!

It’s £12.50pp so nearly £40, maybe one expensive or 2 cheap bottles of wine between 3. So the friend’s cokes were £10, and she didn’t end up paying for any!

mydogfarts · 10/04/2025 00:31

Just each pay your own bill separately, it makes so much more sense

Crushed23 · 10/04/2025 00:41

Ladyluckinred · 10/04/2025 00:22

It’s £12.50pp so nearly £40, maybe one expensive or 2 cheap bottles of wine between 3. So the friend’s cokes were £10, and she didn’t end up paying for any!

Show quote history

No… read the OP’s posts. It was £12.50 total, she claims.

WhatsitWiggle · 10/04/2025 00:52

Personally, with the cost of food these days, I think it's only fair that everyone pays for themselves unless everyone has had the same thing / same value of meal.

The days of splitting the bill should be behind us.

Velmy · 10/04/2025 01:43

ThatHardyWaspAgain · 09/04/2025 20:07

No, as per her suggestion and the others agreeing so I did too (although didn’t realise the cheek of it until afterwards), everything was split equally minus the alcohol, which was split between 3 of us who had it

But in doing so we paid for her classical cokes despite them being almost the same cost as our alcohol that she didn’t want to split for

Show quote history

It was £2 difference, who cares? Is it really worth worrying about?

kiwiane · 10/04/2025 02:05

Of course she should’ve done the same and paid for her soft drinks and you may as well have had separate bills - I just wouldn’t go out with her again. The meanness would grate for sure.

SpringIsSpringing25 · 10/04/2025 02:10

Yeah, if you were paying for your drink separately she should have paid for her drinks separately and then split the food bill. They're having gone that far. I would've got everyone to pay for what they had individually which if you all had the same amount the same thing, I suppose. And no, I wouldn't have been guilty into having a desert if I didn't want one.

Jumpingthruhoops · 10/04/2025 02:21

Sofiewoo · 09/04/2025 20:01

Why didn’t you just each pay for what you had ordered?
You seem to be suggesting it was an issue for you to slightly sub her coke, but not an issue to split the bill in 4 and have her sub you?

With friends I’m always happy to just split the bill when I’ve had less but I guess she didn’t know you.

You seem to be suggesting it was an issue for you to slightly sub her coke, but not an issue to split the bill in 4 and have her sub you?

This! 👏👏

Jumpingthruhoops · 10/04/2025 02:25

ThatHardyWaspAgain · 09/04/2025 20:04

But it’s okay for us to pay for her drinks when it was about £2 difference in total?

Show quote history

Jesus, just pay it and get on with your life! Seriously... quibbling about 2 quid is WILD!

ThisFluentBiscuit · 10/04/2025 02:30

StupidBoy · 09/04/2025 22:10

Classical cokes is hilarious

It really is! Classical Cokes should go down in MN history. Even funnier, the OP then used the same term when relating the story! It must be catching. 🤭

Jumpingthruhoops · 10/04/2025 02:35

HueyLouisAndDewey · 09/04/2025 20:12

I don't believe in this kind of Bill splitting. I think everyone should pay for what they themselves have consumed. I don't believe in rounds either.

Same here. If there's 4 of you and you have 5 rounds, someone will be getting stiffed paying for 2 rounds! Or if you only have 3 rounds, one person won't be paying for any! Best to PAYG.

Lavenderandbrown · 10/04/2025 02:37

Coke is interesting. Are you sure she wasn’t saying classic coke? Also known as coke classic also known as coke original Then they produced new coke which wasn’t liked by many so people started hoarding classic/ original coke then they went back to original recipe and new coke died a quiet lonely death But then they took original off the packaging.

this is all from personal memory but I’m sure Wikipedia has the deets.

always ask for a separate check It’s so liberating. Look the waiter in the eye and say I would like a separate check and listen to her audible sigh of relief. it puts an end to all this bs and then the next time someone else says…separate check for me also. And then it’s completely normalized.

Delphiniumandlupins · 10/04/2025 02:48

Sofiewoo · 09/04/2025 21:33

I’ve literally never eaten anywhere and not been able to just put different amounts on different cards and I’m talking about being at literally thousands of restaurants, cafes, bars over the years.

Show quote history

The problem can be that each person says "I had x, y and z" and pays for that until the final person discovers that somebody has 'forgotten' to pay for their second drink, nobody has included the bread and olives that were shared and there's 3 coffees unaccounted for.

marsala1 · 10/04/2025 04:00

NC28 · 09/04/2025 20:11

It’s known as full fat though, isn’t it? I think the world knows what it means.

Show quote history

No never heard it called full fat except on MN. It's not milk. It's diet or regular. There is no fat in "classical" or otherwise as far as I'm aware.

CeciliaMars · 10/04/2025 04:13

Why didn’t you all just pay for what you had?!

Neurodiversitydoctor · 10/04/2025 05:19

Angrygirl · 09/04/2025 20:44

I can’t understand how the alcohol total was only £12 for 3 people having a two course meal!

I read it as £12.50 each, so 2 small glasses of wine

Swiftie1878 · 10/04/2025 05:30

You just buggered up the bill split. Should have stripped out her cokes as well and allocated them to her part of the bill.

If you didn’t want a dessert, you shouldn’t have had one. 🤷🏼‍♀️

Tipping is a personal decision. I wouldn’t be friends with somebody doesn’t tip, but she’s not your friend, so again…

You should be cross with yourself, not her.

Swiftie1878 · 10/04/2025 05:32

Neurodiversitydoctor · 10/04/2025 05:19

I read it as £12.50 each, so 2 small glasses of wine

Show quote history

Yeah, a bottle between three of them. It was lunchtime, not an evening ‘session’! 😁

Jfybcderk · 10/04/2025 05:38

JorgyPorgy · 09/04/2025 21:21

If there’s not much difference in price with the cola and the alcoholic drinks then it seems a bit petty to not just split the bill 3 ways. But where I live alcohol is considerably more expensive than soft drinks and i wouldn’t want to sub someone else’s alcohol bill if I wasn’t drinking or not drinking as much.
Also if I don’t want dessert I couldn’t be persuaded to have one to keep someone else company. Super annoying when people ask that. Similarly if I want dessert & no one else does then as long as I’m not delaying anyone I’d eat dessert alone 😄.
as for tipping , if it’s evening / unsociable hours I think it’s nice to tip.
my issue is that people who work in retail are often on minimum wage & don’t get tipped … also this isn’t the USA where restaurant staff are paid so low vs uk?

People in retail don’t work until 11pm or 1am at the weekend.

Missey85 · 10/04/2025 05:47

Well I'm not paying for your booze you want it you pay for it 🤷

SugarPlumpFairyCakes · 10/04/2025 06:22

Eldermilleniallyogii · 09/04/2025 20:08

You don't need to keep calling it a classical coke OP

But you can do what you like, op.