Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Cat not given back to me, aibu?

51 replies

BePoliteOpalQuail · 09/04/2025 11:54

I posted yesterday, my foster cat managed to squeeze out of a very small gap.
I later learned from the rescue that he'd done that before in some manner. Had to go to work today, a volunteer managed to successfully trap him and my friend went over to my flat to assist as I'm at work.

Asked my friend if the cat had been taken back to my flat and was told the volunteer had driven the cat back to the rescue, an hour away.

I hadn't been informed of this and I'm unsure if I'll be getting him back. Called but no reply so just sent a text. Apparently they're checking if he's injured which is good, but I'm wondering if they'll just not give him me back.

I felt rubbish enough as it is and now thinking they've just taken the cat back and will not trust me with another one. Does it sound like this?

OP posts:
Ener · 09/04/2025 11:58

I think they are probably just checking him. Was it the one who escaped out of a 2inch window? They might think your house isn’t safe for him but I would expect him back if I you asked.

chakrakkhan · 09/04/2025 12:02

They’ve told you they want to make sure the cat is ok and is safe. You’re at work so presumably won’t be at home to check injuries and look after it at the moment. The only people who will know if you’ll be allowed to continue fostering as the rescue.

Original poster
BePoliteOpalQuail · 09/04/2025 12:02

Ener · 09/04/2025 11:58

I think they are probably just checking him. Was it the one who escaped out of a 2inch window? They might think your house isn’t safe for him but I would expect him back if I you asked.

Yes that's him, thanks, if they insist he cannot come back then fair enough, hopefully he can.

OP posts:
Original poster
BePoliteOpalQuail · 09/04/2025 12:04

chakrakkhan · 09/04/2025 12:02

They’ve told you they want to make sure the cat is ok and is safe. You’re at work so presumably won’t be at home to check injuries and look after it at the moment. The only people who will know if you’ll be allowed to continue fostering as the rescue.

True, they told my friend that but not me, I could've been there but I just couldn't get the day off at such short notice.

I had just about stopped beating myself up knowing he'd done this before and feel like I've started all over again.

OP posts:
MissDoubleU · 09/04/2025 12:20

Is your cat microchipped in your name? Legally this is a requirement and with it they cannot keep your cat. You seem quite blasè about them not giving it back though! I wouldn’t be just saying “fair enough” if it were one of mine they wouldn’t give back!

Original poster
BePoliteOpalQuail · 09/04/2025 12:24

MissDoubleU · 09/04/2025 12:20

Is your cat microchipped in your name? Legally this is a requirement and with it they cannot keep your cat. You seem quite blasè about them not giving it back though! I wouldn’t be just saying “fair enough” if it were one of mine they wouldn’t give back!

No I'm not blasé. I said it's fair enough if they don't think he's safe here, even if I'm gutted about him not coming back, I have to respect what they think.

I think you've just jumped to conclusions there..

OP posts:
MissDoubleU · 09/04/2025 12:26

BePoliteOpalQuail · 09/04/2025 12:24

No I'm not blasé. I said it's fair enough if they don't think he's safe here, even if I'm gutted about him not coming back, I have to respect what they think.

I think you've just jumped to conclusions there..

Show quote history

I disagree. You didn’t answer about the microchip and that is really the crux of the issue. If you haven’t bothered to microchip the cat then yes they can keep it. If you did then it is in your cat legally and they have no grounds to do so, rescue or otherwise.

ARichtGoodDram · 09/04/2025 12:28

Are you meant to be fostering him until he has a home/can return home or is he a foster cat you've rehomed forever?

Original poster
BePoliteOpalQuail · 09/04/2025 12:28

He's a foster, and is microchipped to them. And has to remain chipped to them as long as he's a foster

OP posts:
ARichtGoodDram · 09/04/2025 12:28

I'd be surprised if they return him to stay with you. It sounds like he's not a suitable cat to be fostered with you if he's a wee Houdini

Original poster
BePoliteOpalQuail · 09/04/2025 12:28

ARichtGoodDram · 09/04/2025 12:28

Are you meant to be fostering him until he has a home/can return home or is he a foster cat you've rehomed forever?

He's a feral cat and i was meant to be fostering him to help him socialise, as he was living outside before and is very afraid of humans.

OP posts:
Original poster
BePoliteOpalQuail · 09/04/2025 12:30

ARichtGoodDram · 09/04/2025 12:28

I'd be surprised if they return him to stay with you. It sounds like he's not a suitable cat to be fostered with you if he's a wee Houdini

Despite the other poster trying to create some narrative that I don't care, I am constantly beating myself up. I've owned cats before and none have ever escaped.

Maybe if they'd told me before about this, I'm still blaming myself though. It is fair enough if they really believe he's not safe here, even though it's disappointing. I only had him 10 days.

OP posts:
MissDoubleU · 09/04/2025 12:30

BePoliteOpalQuail · 09/04/2025 12:28

He's a foster, and is microchipped to them. And has to remain chipped to them as long as he's a foster

Well yeah I think in this case it’s perfectly reasonable for them to say you are not a suitable foster home for this cat. However the cat has escaped from such a small place before. The only answer you can get is by speaking to them directly

Original poster
BePoliteOpalQuail · 09/04/2025 12:31

Cross post

OP posts:
Original poster
BePoliteOpalQuail · 09/04/2025 12:31

I sort of wish they'd been upfront, but I suppose they wanted the cat fostered

OP posts:
Original poster
BePoliteOpalQuail · 09/04/2025 12:32

I have started blaming myself again. I do wonder, what happens if he goes to a new foster home and the same happens again?

OP posts:
Original poster
BePoliteOpalQuail · 09/04/2025 12:34

The home told me he could go out eventually, obviously after 10 days was not ideal but they did say he could go out eventually.
It's made me feel really stupid and irresponsible, as I say I've never had a cat escape like that before.

OP posts:
Original poster
BePoliteOpalQuail · 09/04/2025 12:37

ARichtGoodDram · 09/04/2025 12:28

I'd be surprised if they return him to stay with you. It sounds like he's not a suitable cat to be fostered with you if he's a wee Houdini

I'm thinking, where is he suitable to be fostered to in this case? I just don't know.

OP posts:
EmpressaurusKitty · 09/04/2025 12:38

I’m an ex-fosterer. They should definitely have warned you if this has happened before, I don’t think you should blame yourself if the gap was that tiny & you weren’t warned.

I’d guess that before returning him, they might want to talk about how you can avoid this happening again for everyone’s sake. Screens on windows for instance - Flat Cats are really good for that.

Original poster
BePoliteOpalQuail · 09/04/2025 12:39

EmpressaurusKitty · 09/04/2025 12:38

I’m an ex-fosterer. They should definitely have warned you if this has happened before, I don’t think you should blame yourself if the gap was that tiny & you weren’t warned.

I’d guess that before returning him, they might want to talk about how you can avoid this happening again for everyone’s sake. Screens on windows for instance - Flat Cats are really good for that.

Yes, I would've preferred if they had ideally.

Thank you, I'll definitely look at flat cats. I'm really hoping they'll return him.

OP posts:
pizzaHeart · 09/04/2025 12:41

I actually think that they were unreasonable here as you weren’t informed about all aspects of cat’s behaviour. All cats are different and you certainly need to prepare your environment thinking about specific cat not cats in general.
However if they decided he couldn’t go back - nothing you could do about it. They probably have rules about it and volunteer followed them without knowing what was said to you and what wasn’t.
But I understand you being upset it’s like all goes wrong for not the fault of your own, it always sucks and after 10 days you probably bonded already.

Flutterbyby · 09/04/2025 12:42

MissDoubleU · 09/04/2025 12:20

Is your cat microchipped in your name? Legally this is a requirement and with it they cannot keep your cat. You seem quite blasè about them not giving it back though! I wouldn’t be just saying “fair enough” if it were one of mine they wouldn’t give back!

It's not her cat

Original poster
BePoliteOpalQuail · 09/04/2025 12:44

pizzaHeart · 09/04/2025 12:41

I actually think that they were unreasonable here as you weren’t informed about all aspects of cat’s behaviour. All cats are different and you certainly need to prepare your environment thinking about specific cat not cats in general.
However if they decided he couldn’t go back - nothing you could do about it. They probably have rules about it and volunteer followed them without knowing what was said to you and what wasn’t.
But I understand you being upset it’s like all goes wrong for not the fault of your own, it always sucks and after 10 days you probably bonded already.

Thanks a lot. All i was told beforehand was that he's very nervous and hides, not that he's at risk of escaping. But surely they have to actively get in touch and inform me, not just take him back and tell me nothing until I chase him up.

OP posts:
GrumpyWombat · 09/04/2025 12:48

Sounds like the cat would be better off on a farm or at some stables not forced to live inside when it isn’t used to it 😞

GrumpyWombat · 09/04/2025 12:48

MissDoubleU · 09/04/2025 12:20

Is your cat microchipped in your name? Legally this is a requirement and with it they cannot keep your cat. You seem quite blasè about them not giving it back though! I wouldn’t be just saying “fair enough” if it were one of mine they wouldn’t give back!

Read the thread properly!