Page 8 | How and why are teens allowed to roam the roads freely for hours?

PassingStranger · 12/04/2025 17:14

Ablondiebutagoody · 09/04/2025 08:45

The boy who killed Mr Kohli is just a c*nt who has been mollycoddled by society for years over his "anger issues" rather than punished. The girl, unfortunately, is a moron.

He wanted to.be known as a Hardman apparantely.

mathanxiety · 12/04/2025 18:34

PassingStranger · 12/04/2025 16:35

Yes when the library's had free internet, youths started hanging around in there with mates.

They had to get a security guard.

Show quote history

There's free internet in all my local libraries (US) and they're full of teens all the time. There's a part of the biggest library that's used as a seasonal warming/ cooling center for anyone vulnerable to the weather too. There's a very low profile security guard who is there to keep tabs on the warming/ cooling centre. The teens are fine.

mathanxiety · 12/04/2025 18:42

JockTamsonsBairns · 12/04/2025 09:47

A lot of it is down to luck, and often 'nature' too though.

My 17yo DS left the house at 9am this morning to go to Physics club. He will be playing hockey this afternoon where he's captain of the club.
Tonight, he'll likely read in bed, or watch a box set on Netflix.

Tomorrow morning, he'll be up early to study, then at 11am, he'll go to his Sunday job at an ice cream shop in town.

He's a good lad at school, well mannered and polite, and is in the running to be Head Boy next year.

It's pure luck that I ended up with that kind of boy. I didn't do anything to 'teach' or 'instill' those values, and I'm definitely not a better parent than another mother whose son has 'gone off the rails'.
My son was born easy, so yes, it's been luck.

No, that's not luck, unless you're a parent who regularly came home drunk or used drugs, regularly brought home different partners, routinely screamed, cursed, or swore at your children or partners, never encouraged them to listen to their teachers and behave well when out and about or to be considerate of others, scoffed at people who abide by the rules, never read to your children, never had conversations with them, kept a chaotic house, never modeled peaceful problem solving, never attended a parent teacher meeting, never bothered teaching your child any manners or imparted any knowledge of culture or spoke to your child of his future but he still turned out well.

Yelrab · 12/04/2025 19:07

Parents are responsible for the behaviour of young people under the age of 18. If a child appears in court, their parent/s should be required to attend and, if relevant, charged with child neglect. Too many parental responsibilities are being passed to schools. The emphasis should be on parents taking responsibility for the children they have created.

Jenkibubble · 12/04/2025 20:54

LadyGillingham · 09/04/2025 07:28

Where is parental responsibility? My parents had to know where I was, who I was with and it was always timeboxed. Good behaviour was expected at all times. I’ve seen young teens on bikes, at all hours, hanging around the high street - shouting, littering, damaging property etc.

Parents must be held accountable and charged for neglect alongside violent crimes by children. That old man (Bhim Kohli) didn’t deserve to be murdered. Why aren’t parents being held accountable? Feral kids are a result of neglect.

Is it better that they fester in their bedrooms gaming / getting obese ?

Son is 18 - he bikes everywhere (after dark sometimes ) with his mates of a similar age - they go off to play football , sometimes they roam into town (eat out / snooker club )
This allowed ? As far as I know none of them have knifed anyone yet !!!!

WhenYouSayNothingAtAll · 12/04/2025 21:31

Yelrab · 12/04/2025 19:07

Parents are responsible for the behaviour of young people under the age of 18. If a child appears in court, their parent/s should be required to attend and, if relevant, charged with child neglect. Too many parental responsibilities are being passed to schools. The emphasis should be on parents taking responsibility for the children they have created.

I’d totally be up for that, but it needs to work both ways. In the cases where parents have asked and begged for support here , there and everywhere, reported everything, went to the school, police, GP , SS etc and nothing was done and their kid was still on some 5 year waiting list that got “lost” , then the LA should be taken to court and held responsible. Particularly when that same parent ends up dead or severely injured because they tried to take responsibility.

esem · 12/04/2025 23:07

if parents were also charged - they would surely want to know what their kids were up to

Original poster

LadyGillingham · 13/04/2025 06:42

Flossflower · 12/04/2025 06:51

Some children grow up in really bad housing ( mould on the walls etc). Some children have violent and drug addicted parents. A lot of children grow up in houses without gardens or space to play. These are usually the children that will be out on the street and I don’t think we should stop them escaping from their homes.

that’s heartbreaking 💔

OP posts:

Original poster

LadyGillingham · 13/04/2025 06:44

WhenYouSayNothingAtAll · 12/04/2025 21:31

I’d totally be up for that, but it needs to work both ways. In the cases where parents have asked and begged for support here , there and everywhere, reported everything, went to the school, police, GP , SS etc and nothing was done and their kid was still on some 5 year waiting list that got “lost” , then the LA should be taken to court and held responsible. Particularly when that same parent ends up dead or severely injured because they tried to take responsibility.

Show quote history

People choose to have kids. How and why should the LA be held responsible/accountable?

OP posts:

Original poster

LadyGillingham · 13/04/2025 06:47

Jenkibubble · 12/04/2025 20:54

Is it better that they fester in their bedrooms gaming / getting obese ?

Son is 18 - he bikes everywhere (after dark sometimes ) with his mates of a similar age - they go off to play football , sometimes they roam into town (eat out / snooker club )
This allowed ? As far as I know none of them have knifed anyone yet !!!!

Show quote history

Parents must set expectations about good behaviour and make sure there are consequences for bad behaviour. This must happen at a very young age so things are nipped in the bud. Also, there must be a balance. Parents must time-box free roaming time, know where the kids are (and who they are friends with) and make sure they are home before dark.

Ok - so your son or his friends haven’t knifed anyone “yet” !! Are you sure they won’t harass/ bully/ vandalise in the future? Are you speaking to your son regularly about expected behaviour and what kind of people cannot be friends with ? Have you spoken to him about drugs and gangs - how to be safe when out and about?

OP posts:

Natsku · 13/04/2025 07:01

The home before dark thing makes me laugh, such a British thing to be concerned about the dark. My teenager is out after dark in winter, it's not possible to not be considering how early it gets dark in my country and her d&d club often doesn't finish until after 8 on a Friday evening which is pitch black time in winter. Even my 7 year old can be out after dark - dark doesn't make a difference at all.

WhenYouSayNothingAtAll · 13/04/2025 07:20

LadyGillingham · 13/04/2025 06:44

People choose to have kids. How and why should the LA be held responsible/accountable?

Show quote history

What people don’t choose is to have children with serious (usually mental health related , but not always) conditions.

BooFestiveTulip · 13/04/2025 09:10

Unfortunately unfettered access to the Internet and smartphone availability has a lot to answer for.

interestedwhy · 13/04/2025 09:15

I’ve got two DS - one is mostly out on his bike - one is mostly in his bedroom or occasionally the gym . The one on his bike is younger but more independent. Being out as a teen and not with parents is an important part of growing up .

interestedwhy · 13/04/2025 09:18

Natsku · 13/04/2025 07:01

The home before dark thing makes me laugh, such a British thing to be concerned about the dark. My teenager is out after dark in winter, it's not possible to not be considering how early it gets dark in my country and her d&d club often doesn't finish until after 8 on a Friday evening which is pitch black time in winter. Even my 7 year old can be out after dark - dark doesn't make a difference at all.

I think it does if they are on a bike - I ask DS2 to be home before dark . We are rural though

LuckyLuchi · 13/04/2025 09:26

KrisAkabusi · 09/04/2025 07:38

What's wrong with teens hanging around?The antisocial stuff you've mentioned is obviously wrong, but you're lumping everyone together. Accusing people of bad parenting because their 15 year olds walk to the shops together? You're being ridiculous. You're probably on other threads complaining about kids being glued to their playstations and having no social skills.

i live in London and certain areas are overrun by groups of teenagers dressed in black, they are wearing black masks (why??) and hoods. They are very intimidating. Once I was assaulted by a group of teenagers like this, all in black, at 7 am ffs! Boys who walk from school on their own are constantly, literally daily are mugged, in broad daylight by these groups of teens. It’s come to the point where my son carries an extra (old) phone for when (not if) he gets assaulted again. This is west London.

TheNightingalesStarling · 13/04/2025 09:26

interestedwhy · 13/04/2025 09:18

I think it does if they are on a bike - I ask DS2 to be home before dark . We are rural though

Show quote history

Asking them not to cycle on country lanes in the dark is different to being out in the dark.

"Being out in the dark" is walking home from school for a couple of months of the year for my DDs and we are only in Yorkshire... it would be significantly more for those in Scotland.

Two groups of teens can go out to similar places with completely different motives. The library has been mentioned. Some go to study. Some go to hang out,go on chat rooms etc... which could be harmless or could be extremely harmful.

My teen and her friends like going for long walks in the woods... genuinely! They like the peace and exercise. There has been trouble with littering and fires in the same woods (but they avoid those bits as they aren't peaceful!)

springintoaction321 · 13/04/2025 09:29

Parents must set expectations about good behaviour and make sure there are consequences for bad behaviour. This must happen at a very young age so things are nipped in the bud. Also, there must be a balance. Parents must time-box free roaming time, know where the kids are (and who they are friends with) and make sure they are home before dark.

Ok - so your son or his friends haven’t knifed anyone “yet” !! Are you sure they won’t harass/ bully/ vandalise in the future? Are you speaking to your son regularly about expected behaviour and what kind of people cannot be friends with ? Have you spoken to him about drugs and gangs - how to be safe when out and about?

Congrats OP - glad you've got it all figured out.

It's always fun to state the bleedin' obvious!

BobbyBiscuits · 13/04/2025 09:32

SemperIdem · 09/04/2025 07:37

I don’t think you are being unreasonable and I always wonder why parents aren’t held more to account.

Two mid teen boys from the city I live in were killed when their illegal e-bike was hit by a bus, they were evading the police at the time. The police officers involved have only recently had it confirmed they won’t be prosecuted…for doing their job. The parents acknowledge no responsibility whatsoever for the deaths of their sons, who barely in their mid teens were well known to the police and were, as mentioned, on an illegal e-bike in the middle of the day when they should have been in school.

It's not the polices job to drive at speed at children on e-bikes into the path of busses surely? They should have assessed the risk more carefully and those kids would still be alive. What did the kids do anyway?

Natsku · 13/04/2025 09:53

interestedwhy · 13/04/2025 09:18

I think it does if they are on a bike - I ask DS2 to be home before dark . We are rural though

Show quote history

Mine is out after dark on her bike, she has lights on her bike and reflectors on her jacket.

mysecretshame · 13/04/2025 10:00

LadyGillingham · 13/04/2025 06:47

Parents must set expectations about good behaviour and make sure there are consequences for bad behaviour. This must happen at a very young age so things are nipped in the bud. Also, there must be a balance. Parents must time-box free roaming time, know where the kids are (and who they are friends with) and make sure they are home before dark.

Ok - so your son or his friends haven’t knifed anyone “yet” !! Are you sure they won’t harass/ bully/ vandalise in the future? Are you speaking to your son regularly about expected behaviour and what kind of people cannot be friends with ? Have you spoken to him about drugs and gangs - how to be safe when out and about?

Edited

Show quote history

In the example posted, the boy is 18.
At what point would you stop timeboxing your children?

Also, how do you expect parents to know where their kids are - by tracking them perhaps? This did not even exist back when you were young.

Is it also reasonable to be expecting an older teen to be home before 5pm in the winter?

Labelledelune · 13/04/2025 10:41

Kids have as much right to be out as anyone, the trouble is in certain areas they do roam causing lots of trouble. Children should not be put after certain hours unless accompanied by an adult. Any child child out late has crap parents in my humble opinion.

WhenYouSayNothingAtAll · 13/04/2025 11:03

Labelledelune · 13/04/2025 10:41

Kids have as much right to be out as anyone, the trouble is in certain areas they do roam causing lots of trouble. Children should not be put after certain hours unless accompanied by an adult. Any child child out late has crap parents in my humble opinion.

Define late. Does the time of year affect the “lateness”?

Labelledelune · 13/04/2025 11:11

Surely it’s common sense, should a group of kids be wandering around at ten o’clock at night? I suppose it depends on your parenting but I think they shouldn’t.

WhenYouSayNothingAtAll · 13/04/2025 11:34

Labelledelune · 13/04/2025 11:11

Surely it’s common sense, should a group of kids be wandering around at ten o’clock at night? I suppose it depends on your parenting but I think they shouldn’t.

The thing is , it means different things to different people. Some don’t want to see groups of teens/kids at all, unless supervised. Some mean 5/6 o’clock. Some mean anything after dark, which can be fair enough in the summer but fairly unrealistic in winter. You see it as after 10 o’clock which is pretty fair enough. That being said, I was out until 10/10:30 in the summer as a 9/10/11 yo, not even a teen. 16,17 and 18 yos are also teens , do you honestly believe they should have a parent with them coming home from a late movie, going to pick up a takeaway ,walking home from a mate’s house, going to a party etc.?