To think I'm not the only one who went to heal and now doesn't want a relationship at all

[Justkeepswiimming]

Probably a stupid question but I want to hear other people's perspectives. I've been out of my marriage for five years. I'd been with him for my whole adult life and couldn't imagine life without him. When our marriage ended I always imagined there would be someone else. Another husband even or at least long term partner. I spent a lot of time reflecting on what went wrong in my marriage and my part in that, and at first believed I was just healing myself so I could be better in any future relationships. But 5 years down the line, I've moved quite strongly into the camp of not wanting anyone else. I have a 7yo dd. I don't want anyone to complicate that. I don't want anyone complicating my life or peace of mind. I'm really not interested. I haven't got the room for someone else, nor the interest in finding them. I know I can't be the only one who has come to that conclusion but I'm surrounded by people who keep saying that I will 'change my mind' or 'I will find the one'. Nobody can see my point of view and think I'm just being stubborn and pig-headed rather than seeing it as my preference. A choice.

Yanbu, more women should be like this imo instead of jumping from man to man.
you have a young child, it would not be in any of her best interest to bring a stranger into her home life, unsettle that with no guarantee that it would work out. Good for you op for prioritising your happy life.

My mental peace is so valuable to me.

I don't want anything to disrupt it.

I've been single since 2023 after a 19 year marriage.

I like it.

I very much doubt I will meet a man who makes my head turn and I really don't care.

The men out there on the dating market are really nothing special. I'm 53 and have found they either do a lot of negging (which really upset me because I was bewildered as to what was actually going on) or they just don't understand why I don't want to fall into bed with them straightway.

Can't be bothered. Too much other fun to be had.

Totally agree with you op. I'd say don't even discuss it.. the "happily marrieds" who probably aren't that happy really, don't like the idea of someone enjoying their single life. So keep on enjoying. Its the best way to live imo.

Oh I totally understand, you’re basically me OP. I’ve been divorced 12 years now, it broke my heart at the time and I really worried about being ‘on my own’ forever. My DS was five then. I did go on a few dates once I’d got over the separation & divorce but to be honest I was already starting to really enjoy my single life with my son. I’d have been really picky about who I got involved in any serious relationship anyway because my son was always going to come first, so probably just as well I don’t feel like I need to have a partner at all.
And these days, the more I read about abusive men and the Andrew Tate influence and the increase in violence against women, I literally have no desire to put myself out there and risk ending up with a man who turns out like that.
I also cannot be arsed with all the mundane dramas and compromises being in a couple entails. The petty arguments, always having to discuss any plans with someone else to see if it’s ok with them, etc. I’ve definitely enjoyed doing what I want when I want ( subject to Ds’s needs, obv)
im late 50s now and I can’t see me ever being in a couple again. Doesn’t bother me at all, I’m happy and DS has had a stable upbringing with two parents who love him but just live apart. Not lonely at all, even though DS is now at uni. I have friends and family that I see three or four times a week.
Thankfully none of them ever told me I’d ’change my mind’ or gave the impression I should want to be with another partner. You’re fine just as you are, OP! ‘You do you’ as they say!

Not unreasonable. If me and DH split or anything happened to him, I can’t see me being bothered about a new relationship. Not because DH is the love of my life or anything like that, just because I’m not sure I could be arsed. The physical stuff I can take or leave, so really it would be about living on my own terms.

I have been divorced 8 years but the marriage was dead many years before that.

I have been the happiest and most contented ever since being single. I truly haven't felt the want or need to have anyone.

But...

I then met a man at the gym and had a situationship with him. It has made me think that maybe it would be nice to have "something". But that something is... not living together, not spending more then one night a week together, spend the occasional weekends together....

I basically want nothing intense or someone who will take up too much space or time in my life ...😅.

I don't think that person is out there for me!!

You know what we need? We need a pop -up partner 🤣
One that’s there when we want them, but then we can just put them back in their box or send them away when we’ve had enough!

I'm into my eighth year as a singleton. I can't see any reason to change that. I would like another dog though. My bestie gets tempted every now and then, dips her toe in the dating waters and remembers why she quit the last time.

At 5 years single I was still being told the same thing. I’m now 15 years single, my children are adults and I still feel the same way. The peace and lack of complication in my life is far too good to give up for a man. I hear friends and colleagues talking about their significant others, and it’s exhausting. Nigel still can’t load the dishwasher, or put the kids to bed, do laundry, cook dinner (without making a huge mess in the kitchen that she has to clean up) and skips off to play golf or whatever at the weekend and she’s the default parent.

No. I knew when I was going to be child-free and could plan my me-time around it, and now they are adults I don’t even need them to be at their dads to be able to do stuff. Don’t get me wrong it was hard in some ways, but the lack of male fuckwitery absolutely made up for it.

Another vote here for a dog over a man!

I did for a short while have something similar to this: we lived 300 miles apart so we spent one or 2 weekends a month together. He had no kids and mine were with their dad, so we could behave like students and then I went back to my real life the rest of the time. It was great while it lasted. But then he wanted to make things more serious and I wasn’t up for that. So don’t give up on the idea!