Has anyone ever fallen in love with a dog they didn’t want?

[Watermelonsugarcube]

Long and short of it- husband wants a dog, I don’t.

I know this is an unpopular opinion but I just don’t like dogs. Never owned one, never wanted one. I think some of them are cute to look at but don’t want them near me/touching me. I think a lot of it stems from visiting relatives as a child who owned dogs that with hindsight weren’t well cared for and drooled/were smelly/left hair everywhere etc. I wouldn’t say it’s a phobia as I’m not frightened of them, nor am I particular germ phobic in general, there’s just something I find gross about dogs and I can’t bring myself to touch them (sorry if this offends dog lovers, it’s irrational and it’s definitely a “me” problem).

But husband loves dogs and it seems cruel to deny him. We also have a toddler and I must admit it’s cute to see him interact with dogs. I can see the benefits e.g. for DH’s health (wfh full time and doesn’t get much exercise). I have no doubt that DH would take full responsibility for walks, feeding etc, I’m just not sure I want one living in my home full time. Of course if we were to get one I’d take care of it- I’d never want to see an animal harmed- but I’d want to love it and not just tolerate it. Can I be converted?

“must admit it’s cute to see him interact with dogs”

this is NO reason at all to bring a living creature into your home who you will no doubt abandon with issues as soon as shit hits the fan.

So sick of selfish people

Dog goes to husband.

Op, say no. Tell him you'll re-evaluate when kid/s are older and less demanding.

gets abandoned with a host of issues more likely cause hubby is on to the next woman

I don't recommend a dog with a toddler, that's from a dog lovers perspective as well. I had a dog with little ones and it was hard work. He was an old boy too so didn't need long walks or anything. I got my next one when my youngest was 6 and it's been lovely this time around. I wouldn't 100% rule out the idea, they really can get your heart fast but I'd wait a couple of years first.

Dogs are very hard work and I think are more of a tie than children. Children grow up and become more independent dogs don'. I have a friend whose dog has just died, in his later years he had dementia. He stoped being house trained, he would wake up.crying several times in the night he couldn't be left alone and noone else could care for him.
Don't get a dog unless you like them and are prepared for that sort of committment for many years

If you are going to have one at some point in your lives, now is a good thing me. Dog sees out your child’s upbringing, dies of old age and you are foot loose and fancy free once the kids have flown the nest.

Agreed. I think novelty at first, then see resentment building up as the realisation occurs that it is bloody hard work.

Looking after a dog you don't want op, and a toddler simultaneously is a recipe for disaster.

Definitely say no op, it is a huge responsibility, and not fair on the dog, or your child who'll likely witness a more turbulent tired household. Has your dh ever had a dog before, or have you? Learning the hard work and responsibility it takes to look after a dog is not something to realise with a young toddler in tow, and any further children, if you're planning for any.

Let’s say you decide to get a dog. If you go down the route of rescuing, you will be limited with the number of rescues who will rehome to a family with a young child with no experience of dog ownership, especially when you are open about not liking dogs. If you do find a rescue that will work with you, you are then bringing a dog into your home with an unknown past, around your toddler. The risk attached to that is significant, and there is no amount of testing or reassurance a rescue can provide you about how the dog will be around your toddler.

If you decided instead to get a puppy, then as someone who currently has an 8 week old baby I can hand on heart tell you that having a puppy was harder at times. Puppies wee and poo in the house, they have razor sharp teeth which they use to explore the world around them, and this includes your hands/feet/clothes/furniture. It will also include your toddler. There will be no malice, but it will hurt and, as I’ve seen time and time again, there’s a good chance your toddler will become scared. Training a puppy to not do all of these things and become a well rounded family pet requires consistency. Your toddler is too young to learn how to interact with a puppy in the way they need for effective training.

Regardless of puppy or rescue, are you willing to pay for them to go to a dog sitters every time you go somewhere for longer than 4-6 hours? Are you happy to give up family days out that aren’t dog friendly? Are you happy to leave social events early because you need to get home for the dog? When it’s pouring with rain, -4 degrees, windy and your husband doesn’t want to go out for a dog walk, will you do it? All these things are hard as a dog lover, but I can see the resentment building from you.

don’t do it.

Ugh I feel you so hard. My kids are bigger than yours. They are lobbying for a dog, I think it would do them good, DH would definitely take the strain - he had one when we met and I didn't have to lift a finger to look after it. But I just. do. not. like. dogs.

Edited: I lived with DH's dog for a decade. I was fond of it, walked it when DH was out of town etc. But love it? miss it when it was PTS? Not really.

Park the idea, maybe do some volunteer dog walking, revisit when your youngest child is older primary.

No matter how good the intentions, you have to assume at least one walk a day will be yours. This is what happened to my friend who was in a similar position, except she was scared of dogs, and still is. No one lied to her or anything, it's just phrases like "I'll do all the walks and feeding" are as realistic as "my baby will never watch TV" or "my baby will sleep all night long in their own bed from birth".

Admittedly I’m naive about a lot of aspects of dog ownership but not sure why this would be the case?

Because no rescue would put one of their dogs in a position where it could potentially react badly to a toddler's behaviour and end up being put down, and no respectable breeder would put a puppy in that same situation.

Their priority would always be the dog's welfare, and a toddler in the house presents danger in both directions - that can be mitigated, sure, but not by first-time dog owners without any experience managing dogs and small children.

For those asking, DH has owned dogs all his life until a few years before we met. He’s very much an involved dad and does his fair share of childcare and is an all round responsible person so I don’t think it’d be the case I’d be lumbered with it. He also works from home in a very flexible job, though I’d accept doing the walks etc if he was unable to on the odd occasion. While I’m completely clueless about dog ownership if we were to get one I’d put in the effort to educate myself.

He’s made a lot of sacrifices for me, relocating for my job, shouldering the financial burden while I retrained among other things. So I do feel guilty being unwilling to compromise on this one thing.

That said, I think those who’ve pointed out all the reasons it’d be a bad idea are correct and I think I’m going to insist the idea is parked for the time being.

I felt like you OP. We have a dog now and I do love her very much, but I do still feel the negatives (the mess, the smell, the time sink, the commitment, the containment when it comes to holidays etc). Overall she balances that out – especially when I see the pleasure she brings to DP and DD. BUT I definitely couldn’t have coped when I had a toddler too. Dogs and toddlers don’t mix. Wait until your DC is older and then reconsider.

Little man is 10 months old now, completely smitten & wouldn’t be without him.
However realistically the first year is training consistency…. It is a lot, can’t leave him for more than 2 hours during the day as is crate trained anything longer and needs a sitter / walker for a break. You shouldn’t run with them until about 18 months old or they have stopped growing.
Laid out next to surgical suit post 🥜✂️ so next step is getting him more independent.

Thank you for all the well balanced replies. Definitely food for thought.

The few who’ve decreed me a selfish person who’d abandon a dog at the first sign of trouble and predicted that my husband will run off with another woman… well this is the kind of mumsnet batshittery I live for.

It is quite amazing how they always manage to find a way, isn't it?

Perhaps suggest to him that it'd be better to wait a few years, until your little one is 5 or 6 - much easier to teach them how to safely behave with dogs at that age.

"He’s very much an involved dad and does his fair share of childcare and is an all round responsible person so I don’t think it’d be the case I’d be lumbered with it."

Just wanted to say so is my friend's husband. Lovely bloke, absolutely lovely. Friend didn't end up walking the dog because of poor husband choice! It's just life gets in the way and especially as kids get older, there are a lot of jobs to get through every day between you.

I bought my dog from a registered breeder and definitely not "backyard".

Perhaps your situation is different to the OP's @Coffeeishot
And being registered doesn't necessarily mean a breeder is not backyard.
Obviously, don't know about your breeder but just making the point.

Yes it is possible i DEFINITELY didn't want a dog (on top of cats and children) but nevertheless a rescue dog arrived one day, and she has definitely grown on me A LOT. Sleeps beside us, curls up beside me when i'm working etc.. Couldn't imagine house without her now...

You were lucky, many rescue dogs do not adjust so easily.

The whole family has to be happy with it. I'm sure those is why many end up in shelters, because someone in the family just does not get on with the dog.

This 💯

Dogs are amazing and I can’t imagine my life without them…but I would never get one if not everyone was happy about it. They deserve our unconditional love.

Very sweet dog. From Romania. She was ‘fostered’ beforehand so not sure is that why she is so well behaved. Never had a dog before!