Have people forgotten how to say NO

[Hayley1256]

I've read a lot of threads recently where people are asking AIBU for things that just require a simple No!

Recent ones include a neighbour telling the OP she was having some parties and that the OP can't use her own garden - OP seemed to go along with this!

Another one about a 'friend' who stays at OP's house and doesn't lift a finger, pay towards anything and expects childcare!

There are many more, but AIBU to think people have become too afraid of upsetting people that they just go along with batshit crazy/ rude behaviour and requests? Not all confrontation is bad!

I think some of the people who post on MN have forgotten, or have never learned.

I often read thread where people say "We have to ....." and think 'No, you don't'.

People pleasing his learn behavior and it's instilled in women from childhood.

I think a lot of it's embellished attention seeking to be honest.

Agree, I see that a lot too and think 'NO' is a word

I don’t think any of these threads are real. Nobody can be that dense to go along with such ridiculous requests!

It was not instilled into any of the women I know. My mum was a SAHM but she ruled the house and defiantly would not accept a neighbour telling her where to put bins, can't use the balcony for washing etc

Spineless people-pleasing dipsticks deserve half the shit that happens because they enable it and let CFs get away with murder.

I hope some of them are fake as I don't know how some of them survive at work and in their day to day lives. I'm a nice person and try and be a good neighbour but I would not accept any CF requests or behaviour

Forgotten? You’ve been reading to many AIBU replies. People have always had a problem saying no.

I've probably just spent too much time on here recently 😅

I think some women were socialized to always be polite & saying no makes them feel like they’re not being accommodating.

The ones I find irritating are when the OP is obviously dealing with a CF and receives a lot of very helpful advice but dismisses each individually with “oh I COULDN’T ask my neighbor to stop hitting me in the face with a broom when I return from work, it would be rude!” or “we CAN’T make my sister and her 27 children leave our 2 bedroom flat”. If the OP is going to dismiss every suggestion out of hand, why bother posting?

No

Same.

To be honest, I think the rise in texting/Tweeting/emailing etc has grown a whole generation who wouldn't say boo to a goose in real life, but will happily run home and start typing about it.

Yeah I don’t see this as a ‘people have become…’ issue. Not everything needs to fit the narrative of the world used to be better and we’re going to hell in a handcart etc etc. Some things are just how humans are and always have been grappling with, or are particularly strong in certain cultures where it’s harder to be direct because of social mores. Perhaps people are better at saying no than they’ve ever been but we just didn’t used to communicate on such a vast scale before forums like this, who knows?!

@PoppyTries agree they are infuriating- especially when many posters have spent time writing helpful replies

That makes sense!

Maybe there should be a sub group of 'times when I rightly said no or told someone where to go'.....

Also, I can't remember how many years ago it was now (maybe 5 or 6?) someone started a thread about a 'Cheeky Fucker' and that's when the Mumsnet 'CF' was born.

For months after that, it seemed like everyone wanted their own 'CF' thread, and they got more and more ridiculous and unbelievable, but of course plenty of people lapped them up and encouraged them.

Some even ran into 2 or 3 attention seeky threads.

A colleague and good friend has stopped talking to me and won't even say hello In the mornings.
I have asked her if I have done something to upset her, she says not.
It is a very uncomfortable situation and have to go in to work later than I would like.
Nobody has noticed , my boss saw that I was upset and I mentioned the situation, boss said he wants to ask her again but she avoids leaving at the same time now or is always on her phone, she is now over the top friendly with my other colleagues.
I have looked after her 3 sons and her dog when she has struggled .
Please advise me , many thanks

@TwattyMcFuckFace ah I've not been on here for that long (well I was on here 9 years ago and then didn't use it as much). Its like everyone wants to be in Amandaland

@Motheroffive999 it may be best if you made your own post.

I hit my 40s and decided no more. Freeloading “friends”, selfish relatives and managers who made ridiculous demands were gobsmacked. One, with loaded irony, asked me if I’d considered going on an assertiveness course. Another had a go at me because she was having to bring in her own washing and look after her own children finally. No doubt they saw me as unaccommodating and difficult but I haven’t looked back. It doesn’t half sort the wheat from the chaff. Goodbye CFs!

I’m truly envious of people who can always just say no and it’s as simple as that.
When I’ve politely declined, people have either been extremely pushy and so I end up agreeing because I just feel so uncomfortable in the moment, or they’ve got upset with me and ended the relationship.
I’m always careful with my words and how I say things as to not hurt or offend others, yet it seems like a lot of people are not really understanding or mature enough and get hurt over minor things.
I don’t know, it’s so complicated.
Obviously if it’s a situation where someone is making an absolutely rediculous request like that thread about the neighbour and her garden parties then of course I’d say well actually it’s my garden and I can use it whenever I want, but it’s a lot more complicated in a lot of other situations.

I think/hope it's just a MN thing. People seem very anxious and timid on here, just with very basic interactions with people

I always presume threads like that are made up.