Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

To expect DH not to want to work away for a week?

54 replies

loopylou6 · 15/05/2008 15:45

Dh has informend me today that his company want him to go down south to work for a week, he doesnt have to just if he wants to. Anyway we spoike briefly on the phone before and both agreed he wouldnt go, but then he phoned me before and said his boss is on his case and he cant stop thinking of the extra money, He wont go if i say not to but here is the AIBU part, i am very upset that should i ok it he would go since we moved in together (9 years ago) we have only spent 1 night apart and that was when i was in hospital having dd. I will probably get shot down for this post as i know lots of women on here deal with their dh/dp working away ALOT, but ic ant stop feeling so, well HURT

OP posts:

mumblechum · 15/05/2008 15:47

I think these days with so many redundancies and the competition which most people have to deal with at work, if your boss says jump you just have to say "how high".

I'd be supportive of him if I were you, making him feel guilty isn't going to help.

What would be so terrible about him being away for a week?

beaniesteve · 15/05/2008 15:48

AW. If he's never worked away then I can understand why you're upset but it's only work and he will be back with extra money which would be good. Are you a SAHM? Perhaps arrange to go and do something you enjoy or use it as an opportunity to have some friends come round?

Also try explaining to him why it upsets you and see if you can talk about any fears you have about him being away and how he can make it easier on you.

ephrinedaily · 15/05/2008 15:49

Yes YABU and I think you know you are. What if he wanted to go on holiday for a week with his mates? Would you feel the same? There's nothing wrong with him wanting to be away for a week, and it results in extra money for you both. Let him go, you might be pleasantly surprised by how nice it is to have some time on your own. While he's away plan some meet-ups with your friends / family so you've got things to look forward to.

Original poster

loopylou6 · 15/05/2008 15:50

Yeah but they cant sack him for saying he cant go, when he joined the company there was no talk about the possibility of having to work away from home.
The reason im not happy with him going is becasue id really miss him and i am having trouble at the moment with my panic and anxiety resurfacing and i dont want to be home alone with 2 dc 24/7

OP posts:

LadyOfWaffle · 15/05/2008 15:50

I can imagine it will be hard but it is so hard to say no to bosses, even if they can say no it doesn't really look good. Try and make it nice for yourself - maybe organise friends to come over, pack out the fridge with nice food and wine, rent some DVDs... And absense makes the heart grow fonder

StarlightMcKenzie · 15/05/2008 15:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster

loopylou6 · 15/05/2008 15:52

All my friends have children and work (yeah am a SAHM) so daytimes i would be alone and evening times my friends wouldnt be able to come round either. I dont have any family apart from my mum and dad, but they are not very hands on IYKWIM

OP posts:

mumblechum · 15/05/2008 15:53

Whilst his co. couldn't sack him for not agreeing to work away, these days I think you've got to really show that you will go the extra mile and put the company first sometimes. Otherwise, when redundancies come round (and they always do), the person who hasn't put themselves out is the one most likely to be considered for the push

scottishmum007 · 15/05/2008 15:54

YABU, if you get extra money coming your way then take it with both hands regardless. My dh works 12hr shifts and I don't like it but accept that one of us has to go out and earn a crust even if that means he doesn't see his son for 5 days or so in a row (he's asleep when dh leaves and returns from work).
Just relax and let him go out to work for the week away from home. Keep busy and you'll find he'll be back before you know it

thebecster · 15/05/2008 15:54

Sorry but yabu. If your boss tells you 'you can do this trip if you like, but obviously you're not obliged' then the correct reply is 'of course I'll do it boss, thanks for the opportunity'.

Do you have any friends or family who could come & stay with you while he's away so that you're not so lonely?

beaniesteve · 15/05/2008 15:54

"The reason im not happy with him going is becasue id really miss him and i am having trouble at the moment with my panic and anxiety resurfacing and i dont want to be home alone with 2 dc 24/7"

I can totally understand this, specially the Anxiety thing. Have you ever tried to get any help for your anxiety? What if your husband does need to go away for an non-work related thing in the future and it's unavoidable?

I had some counselling which helped me to put my worries and anxieties into perspective, and though I still get anxious about stuff I can recognise when I am getting into a tizz about silly things more quickly now.

Could you get anyone to come and stay or go to stay with someone who could help with the childcare?

Bridie3 · 15/05/2008 15:55

It's the way it goes these ways in grown-up jobs. Most husbands I know have to go on business trips.

Get in some good DVDs and books and enjoy not having to cook dinner. I usually eat with my children and enjoy watching whatever I want on the TV.

And the house always stays tidier, too. Strange.

MsHighwater · 15/05/2008 15:55

They might not be able to sack him if he decides not to go but his career could suffer otherwise. I don't see the point of him putting it onto you, though. He certainly ought to discuss it with you and hear what you have to say about it but surely the decision has to be his, not yours, to make. If he comes to the conclusion that it is important that he goes, I think you should support his decision.

I understand how unpleasant the prospect is. Dh and I have spent very few nights apart since we got together and we do all we can to avoid it. But I'm aware that we are a lot luckier than some in that respect and if he had to go somewhere, then we'd just get on with it.

StarlightMcKenzie · 15/05/2008 15:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

TigerFeet · 15/05/2008 15:58

Is there anyone who could come and stay with you whilst he's away?

I can understand your concerns but it sounds as if he really ought to show willing and go.

FWIW my dh works away a lot and I actually enjoy the time to myself - no one to sigh when I watch what I want on the telly or to complain when I hog the bathroom for a good long soak in the bath

suedonim · 15/05/2008 16:00

You should plan for every minute of the day while your dh is away, making sure you have some special treats for yourself in the evenings. It'll go really quickly, honestly.

PuppyMonkey · 15/05/2008 16:00

Arrange a little trip for yourself and DC that week? Visiting mum or something?

andiem · 15/05/2008 16:00

loopy in the last month my dh has been home for 5 days it pays the bills

I just stick up on nice food for me and make sure I take the dcs out in the day

scottishmum007 · 15/05/2008 16:00

It must be quite daunting being on your own with DH esp if you have only spent one night apart(!!!). I've lost count how many nights I've spent apart from mine (he works night shift as part of his roster) so I'm used to it and tbh it's good for me to spend time on my own and I actually enjoy it doing exactly what I want at night, watching TV etc. Cheer up you might even like it! It's not so bad.

StarlightMcKenzie · 15/05/2008 16:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

soopermum1 · 15/05/2008 16:02

if you stop him going, you run the risk of him resenting you. i think it would benefit both of you in monetary and other ways

Collision · 15/05/2008 16:03

YABU.

StarlightMcKenzie · 15/05/2008 16:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

thebecster · 15/05/2008 16:03

Re-reading your OP I'm now wondering if the problem is not just that he's going, but also that he wants to go, and that you're interpreting that as rejection?
And reading between the lines of what he's doing it looks like he knows you'll feel rejected and is therefore putting it on you, so that he doesn't actually have to tell you directly he wants to do it, and make you feel bad?
Does that make sense?

beaniesteve · 15/05/2008 16:04

What are your anxieties about him being away?

Can you make a list and then knock each one down?

Flip

1 2 3