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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Inheritence and house sale

214 replies

Lanzarotelady · 06/04/2025 12:28

Interested in others opinions here - what's fair?

Mum dies leaves house worth 160,000 and £60,000 in bank

3 adult children

1 living at home - never had a mortgage - has had a nomadic life style
2 living in a house, paid for - single
3 living in a house -paid for- married with children

1 know he needs to get a mortgage, but with no deposit and no real credit history is struggling to get one

He has proposed to use the £60,000 in the bank as a deposit, smaller mortgage etc, then when the house is sold, the other 2 get their share of the house, their share of the money in the bank, ie £80,000 each and he gets what is left.

I don't know if this is fair, open to abuse, favouring one above the other

What do you all think

OP posts:
StartAnew · 07/04/2025 12:56

Lanzarotelady · 06/04/2025 12:38

There is a will - everything to be split equally

Show quote history

Then split it equally. Nothing else is fair. Get the house on the market now.

Original poster
Lanzarotelady · 07/04/2025 13:18

He isn't a tenant - its his home - same as buying any other house

OP posts:
gattocattivo · 07/04/2025 13:34

Except it’s not his property - it belongs jointly to all 3 siblings. He needs to shove off now, two years down the line from probate being granted, the house needs to be sold and monies distributed. End of.

godmum56 · 07/04/2025 14:09

Lanzarotelady · 07/04/2025 13:18

He isn't a tenant - its his home - same as buying any other house

he hasn't bought it? He doesn't own it.

chasingsunset · 07/04/2025 15:16

Op, I'm a sibling in a long running, not dissimilar situation and this has been an interesting read and possibly the boot up the backside I needed.
A few previous posters have struck a chord, firstly that the siblings have been conditioned to walk on eggshells around 1 sibling to the detriment of themselves and secondly that the problem sibling has had every opportunity that the others have had, if not more so and their chickens have now come home to roost, they need to own their lifestyle choices
I wish I could give you more insight into why your husband is behaving the way he is as I often ask myself the same question but it does sound like things are finally moving in the right direction for you without a family dispute. Your husband will know that what you are saying is right but for some reason feels compelled to help his sibling.
Your post has made me realise how frustrated my own OH must be, stressed to the max when our mortgage could be paid off!

Original poster
Lanzarotelady · 07/04/2025 19:01

chasingsunset · 07/04/2025 15:16

Op, I'm a sibling in a long running, not dissimilar situation and this has been an interesting read and possibly the boot up the backside I needed.
A few previous posters have struck a chord, firstly that the siblings have been conditioned to walk on eggshells around 1 sibling to the detriment of themselves and secondly that the problem sibling has had every opportunity that the others have had, if not more so and their chickens have now come home to roost, they need to own their lifestyle choices
I wish I could give you more insight into why your husband is behaving the way he is as I often ask myself the same question but it does sound like things are finally moving in the right direction for you without a family dispute. Your husband will know that what you are saying is right but for some reason feels compelled to help his sibling.
Your post has made me realise how frustrated my own OH must be, stressed to the max when our mortgage could be paid off!

Thank you for this x

OP posts:
Original poster
Lanzarotelady · 07/04/2025 19:01

gattocattivo · 07/04/2025 13:34

Except it’s not his property - it belongs jointly to all 3 siblings. He needs to shove off now, two years down the line from probate being granted, the house needs to be sold and monies distributed. End of.

Would you please come and give them the kick up the arse they all need?

OP posts:
Elsvieta · 07/04/2025 22:43

Do what the will says; equal split. Anything else will get messy and breed resentment.

Original poster
Lanzarotelady · 20/12/2025 10:39

Anyone want an update?

MIL died 3 years ago.

Update - - we are still in the same position!

BIL has now got a mortgage in principle for £140,000 and will get some money when house sold and money in bank split.

But he is struggling to find somewhere that doesn't want a lot of work doing to it - he wants to move in and it be ready for him ( yes he is in cloud cuckoo land )

So although he is looking - he can't find anywhere and we are still in limbo!

OP posts:
LittleBigHead · 20/12/2025 12:38

Just sell the house. He’s had enough time.

PosiePerkinPootleFlump · 20/12/2025 12:46

I don’t understand why Nomad needs the money upfront. He can live there until it is sold, and then move into a new place (either directly or renting in between) with his share of the £60k + his share of the house proceeds.

If he moves earlier house will be more drama to insure etc if left empty

Cherrysoup · 20/12/2025 12:52

Lanzarotelady · 20/12/2025 10:39

Anyone want an update?

MIL died 3 years ago.

Update - - we are still in the same position!

BIL has now got a mortgage in principle for £140,000 and will get some money when house sold and money in bank split.

But he is struggling to find somewhere that doesn't want a lot of work doing to it - he wants to move in and it be ready for him ( yes he is in cloud cuckoo land )

So although he is looking - he can't find anywhere and we are still in limbo!

Edited

House needs to be sold. Persuade your Dh and his other sibling to get it on the market. This is ridiculous! Nomad can rent somewhere.

Elsvieta · 20/12/2025 14:10

So you're saying DM is still alive (older, but not terminally ill or anything like that) and nomad sibling wants the cash now? Then you and other sibling split the house proceeds (so you'll end up with more)?

Sounds ok in principle, but what if DM ends up needing funding for care? You could end up with nothing. Then there's the whole deprivation of assets issue, if she's given a lot of cash to one sibling.

I reckon you say no, everything gets split equally once she's gone. It's not your job to make up for one sibling's lifestyle choices.

Original poster
Lanzarotelady · 20/12/2025 16:04

Elsvieta · 20/12/2025 14:10

So you're saying DM is still alive (older, but not terminally ill or anything like that) and nomad sibling wants the cash now? Then you and other sibling split the house proceeds (so you'll end up with more)?

Sounds ok in principle, but what if DM ends up needing funding for care? You could end up with nothing. Then there's the whole deprivation of assets issue, if she's given a lot of cash to one sibling.

I reckon you say no, everything gets split equally once she's gone. It's not your job to make up for one sibling's lifestyle choices.

No one is saying any of that.

OP posts:
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