Kids parties and present value should be about the same as party cost?

[ElatedMauveFox]

I was told rule of thumb is that a present for a party should be generally what the party cost - eg soft play at £10 than £10 present?

Aibu

Oh no. That's really sad. You invite people to celebrate with you, and if they bring a gift then that's a lovely bonus to be grateful for, not a condition of attending.

We've done everything from 40 kids at a massive bouncy castle and 3 kids to a musical. The musical parents would have had to bring a £60 gift! I'd have been horrified if they had thought that. We base it on...

A) what we can afford
B) how close the kids are to the birthday child.

So if it's a party for six and my child got invited because they're in the friendship group I'll spend more than if it's a class party and my child isn't close to them. But the max is like £15.

Yeah it's a thing, I always supply a fully itemised receipt and expect all gifts to come with one so DH can add up all the gift costs and ensure we net out.

The one year I forgot to add VAT to Mr. Clown's cost - I just sent round a paypal link requesting the difference.

We actually buy more expensive gifts for a party at home or a sleepover because we live in naice area of north London where property and maintenance is more expensive than your usual soft play off the dual carriageway.

I'm on the bones of my arse. Single parent.

I'm aiming for £5 per present at the moment, and even that is a struggle sometimes.

DC recently had a party. I budgeted for three months to host the party. The gifts they got were way more generous than those I'd bought the DC on their own birthdays. I'm too skint to feel bad about it, most of these kids have two parents with jobs I guess.

Also regift where possible, which is a whole other level of guilt!

What fresh hell is this?!

This thread just makes me think of the hullabaloo Myleene Klass started over kids birthday presents years ago.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-31302827

Uh no. Parties for my kids generally cost way more than the £5-10 present. Nothing extravagant - soft play, bowling, zoo, that sort of thing. They’ve been to some pricey parties too: go- karting, dry skiing, adventure parks costing about £30 up per child. We did paint balling once, but with two friends so cost was spread. Also been to parties with more traditional games organised by the parents - people do what they can afford. But presents are always in the £5-10 range.

My kids are now older, but we usually spend between £15-25, or a present plus robux card-in that price range if they attend the party.
On the other hand we usually pay around £150-200 for a soft play party or other entertainment place party-and
never have occurred me to think that we should received pricey gifts etc…
Those children are my kids friends that they choose to celebrate their birthdays, so I don’t really mind what and how pricey gifts they bring.

Absolutely not, if I invite people to a party it’s because we want to see them, not because we expect a present.

i was quite shocked at a thread on here a while ago where a mum had no money to buy a gift.

the vast majority of people on heretold her not to go unless she could at least rustle up a box of chocolates or a fiver.

@LividBoo You have nothing to feel guilty about and nobody has the right to try and make you feel otherwise.

No - the choice of how much to spend on the party is up to the host. I give roughly the same value gift to the party child whether the party is at the Ritz or in their garden paddling pool.

I remember that one. What an absolutely classless set of responses. I never expect a present (and we've had some pretty spendy birthday parties - pool party, exotic animals, fancy restaurants, etc) and in fact prefer not to have 30 presents to sort out. The point of a party is to celebrate with friends.

This sounds a bit like that naff & vulgar American dictum that a wedding guest should "cover their plate"| in terns of the gift given (or more rather the cash asked for). It's nasty - if you can't afford to host without any recompense, don't host. Cut your coat according to your cloth, as they say ...

😂😂😂

I would be happy that kids want to come to my child's bday party! I would be heartbroken if a mum or dad didn't let their kid come as they didn't have enough money for a present! I tell my kids the presents are a bonus, it's the parties and fun that count. I also spend exactly the same on every kids bday present. Been to lots of different parties, pool, Clip climb go karting etc. all the bday kids get same amount. I still remember when I was a kid being late for a party (10mins)! And so I wasn't allowed a party bag was only 4yrs old. Don't be that person!

Calculating that probably sucks a lot of the joy out of hosting and out of giving gifts. When we invite people to parties, it's because we want to spend time with them. No present expected. When we give gifts, we find something we think the recipient will like, regardless of whether we're going to a fancy soirée or a playdate in a garden. The important bit is celebrating together.

Is this an extension of the American thing of your gift for a wedding should be the cost of your meal x however many people in your family were invited? If so it's a fucking bonkers thing.

Most kids just want to have a party with their friends. They don't actually care what presents they get, they just want the fun times with their friends. 10-20 is the spend round here with the higher amount reserved for best friends.

Definitely no rule. Buuuut I guess in reality there is a slight link in my mind, when choosing which gifts to buy (I don't think about it in terms of which ones my children receive though). It's more about size and/or effort of party than cost, though, and often how close my child is to the birthday child has an effect too.

For while class parties, and especially in Reception where there were loads of them, the gifts tended to be cheaper and often bought in bulk in advance. You know the kid is getting approx 30 presents, don't necessarily know them that well, £5-10 present usually chosen. If it's a handful of kids doing an activity, then I'm aware that they don't have a huge amount of gifts from the party, so I'm more relaxed on budget. They also tend to be closer friends.

Oh god- I hate tally keeping. A party should be what the parents can afford/want to spend. So should the present.

I hate the thing my Irish family do too- the “cover your plate” at weddings.

And imagine if a kid has a party at home because their parents can’t afford soft play- do you not bother with a present at all??

Nonsense. We usually pay about £10-25 for a present and we live in quite an affluent area with DC currently at private school. We've hosted in the garden because we had a list of 15 children DC wanted to invite. Still cost money. Granted, not as much as his friend's party at £45 per child at the trampoline park,...but still.
Parents here usually put together an Amazon wishlist and presents range from £5-£20, so you can just pick something or get a different present from somewhere else. Putting money in a card isn't a done thing here at all, though. One mum collects money through PayPal beforehand and then gets one big present for her DC. That's fine as well.
Perhaps you should try that and say the party is the present, if you need help financing your party idea.

YABU and weird too! Who "told" you and why is it a "rule" that nobody else seems to have heard of? 😆

No! I hate this. It's like modern weddings - so transactional! If you want to throw a party/wedding, do whatever you like at a budget you can afford. Expect zero gifts.
And if you are an attendee, only give a present that you can afford.
Trying to work out how much you "should" give to cover the cost is just awful, and removes all the joy. Please, people, make it stop.

Never heard of that “rule of thumb.”
The host plans and pays for a party within their budget, be that a picnic in their back garden or soft play or some fantastic all singing all dancing event.
And the guest brings a present at a cost tney find suitable/can afford.
I don’t think it needs to be like-for-like. A children’s party shouldn’t need to feel so transactional.

The host chooses the party and the price. If someone invites my child to a party they get all get similar value gift. I dont get cheaper gifts for cheaper parties that seems very tight.