Kids parties and present value should be about the same as party cost?

[ElatedMauveFox]

I was told rule of thumb is that a present for a party should be generally what the party cost - eg soft play at £10 than £10 present?

Aibu

No anything that you get times 30 is crap. Doesn’t matter if it’s a £10 connect 4 game or a £20 LEGO set. I don’t want any of it 30
times. I just want my children to celebrate with their friends

Yabu. No value should be expected. I generally spend £5-10, regardless of cost of the party. I don't expect any presents from guests, and would far rather they came without a present then didn't come at all.

I give a tenner in a card for all presents, I really can't be arsed to shop for a child that I don't know very well.

To be honest, I'd prefer to be given cash too but I can't dictate what people gift us. DD had a party and she received 29 gifts, it was very overwhelming because it was just so much stuff but she loved it all.

Protocol is to take the birthday gift with you to the party to hand over to the birthday child. How can you judge how much host has spent before attending the party?

Anyway OPs idea is nonsense. Where did you pick that up from?

I’ve never heard of this “rule” but think it’s ridiculous.

It also isn’t practically possible. My DD is invited to a party in a village hall in a few weeks - I’ve no idea until we turn up how much the cost is. Have they got expensive entertainment? Rented a bouncy castle? Gone all out with the decorations? I don’t know. Should I buy a few presents of varying value, and then select the most appropriate once the party is over and I’ve judged how much the party was worth and therefore how much I owe?

No!!!

I have thrown my child some ridiculous parties. Not every year, but sometimes we splurge. I want her and her guests to have a great time.

Any gifts from friends should be small.

I have never heard that. I live in quite an affluent area and most parents pay about £200-400 for a party but everyone gives approximately £10. I guess it is quite area dependant. Not sure how you would always work out the cost of every party though according to your rule? It doesn’t sound that fair to the child.

@ElatedMauveFox are you ok?

I don’t like it when this ‘rule’ is applied to weddings, let alone kids’ birthday parties. (And, yes, I know it’s standard practice in Ireland, etc.) It’s absolutely fine for guests to choose a gift within their own budget, and for the party host to throw a party that fits their budget.

I’d rather people just come and enjoy the party to be honest. The present really isn’t important.

Not heard this either.
Also I think it's hard to know the cost of a party unless it's a well advertised party at a specific venue.
Suggesting hiring a hall is cheaper is not necessarily the case unless they do nothing else in the hall. Once a bouncy castle or entertainer is added plus then buying the food, it usually works out the same as going to a venue where someone else does all the work so it is actually lower effort!

Absolutely not. Gifts are given according to the giver's capacity and party cost likewise. I never paid for a party in the expectation of getting the same value back in gifts!! I paid what was in my budget at the time. Some were paid activities, and some were parties at home/in the park.

When you get them x 30 (all-class party years), yes. Loads of duplicates, too. Thankfully that phase only lasted a couple of years and then everyone moved to a tenner in a card. Meanwhile I kept careful notes and regifted where I could. Lego always appreciated though, even now in teen years.

What if you get a staff discount on the venue? Is the party instantly worth less?

Just buy what you can afford and you think the child will like. I usually go for something around 10 to 12 pounds.

If my kids are invited to someone’s birthday we stick £20 in a card with a box of malteasers - doesn’t matter the cost of the party.

Our rule was always that if our kids wanted a whole class party, then we specified no gifts and had a charity box at the door instead - no kid needs 30 presents!

Otherwise, they could have a small party (8 or less say) then it was up to guests if they wanted to give them something. Some guests bring a present, some money, some nothing - we didn’t care and neither did our kids.

The gathering should be the main event, not the presents. Ditto for party bags!

No expectation. £5 is fine. So is £10 so is £20.
Noone normal would judge.

If a whole class party and your child doesn’t really know the kid very well, a colouring book and some crayons is great. If it’s a costly party and a close friend, a £15 toy they’d like is also great. If you’re absolutely skint, then nothing / Poundland toy is fine. If you’re flush and want to give £20 that’s ace. What ever.

Absolutely no way, OP!

It's the host's choice as to what kind of party they give and there is no obligation whatsoever on the guests to pay for it, or even subsidise it. What a ridiculous idea.

This is the same entitled rubbish you hear trotted out about fancy weddings where some people (I think influenced by US convention) think you have to 'cover your plate'. No you don't.

My children are grown up now and since then I'm guessing that children's parties have gone the way of weddings, hen parties etc etc in becoming more and more expensive and pretentious (Instagram-able?).

Stand firm.

An expensive party doesn’t equal effort!
My daughter was taken on an expensive activity, taken for a meal and given a great party bag. It was a brilliant party but the parents are well off compared to the party she went to a month ago at the house, parent doing a pamper night on them. They struggle for money and so that party is within their means (and was also lovely!)

Are you always this transactional about everything, OP?

We did some quite expensive parties for dd when she was younger. I'd have been horrified if parents of our guests felt that they had to stump up gifts of a certain value. We invited them because we wanted our dd to have the pleasure of sharing her special day with her friends, and not because we expected anything in return. I always tried to make it clear on the invitations that gifts were not expected.

Depends on a few variables. How well do the DCs know one another, do I know the birthday child well enough to know what they would enjoy, if not it’s something more generic. I try to not buy tatt but at the same time I’m well aware most presents are carefully regifted anyway. I don’t pay per party cost as how do you know? It might be at their house and they let kids get on with it with no effort made or you might walk into an entire zoo, theme park in the garden or even a private jet to fly them to south of France….

If they are just invited as part of the whole class i normally get something around a tenner if its a good friend I have no particular budget

Omg you must be kidding. The effort to through a party at home is loads and costs a fair amount anyway. What the hell is this post anyway?

here is a shocker. It’s about the birthday kid. To make their day special. To give them something they like.

nothing to do with what their parents can or cannot afford with garden or park party or soft play. This post sums up what’s wrong with the world. Ffs. Thinking about yourself and not others.

You spend what you can afford imo. Had a mum once tell me she couldn’t afford a present to bring to the party, absolutely no issue from me whatsoever and thought it was actually really great we could have that conversation instead of her otherwise spending when she couldn’t

I Don’t think that’s a rule but that’s probably what I’ve inadvertently given. When dd was little it was probably about £10 worth of gift. Now she’s 11 and the parties cost a tad more per head I probably spend £15 but it’s more to do with needed to spend a bit more to get something decent for that age group