Should I tell his wife ?

[rightormad]

A few years ago I was involved with a married man, in a text book situation of which I am not proud - chose to listen to nonsense from him/ lackof self esteem from me. Brief overview - it lasted two years, I lied to her face, met her toddlers, stayed at her home, mutual friends were aware but turned a blind eye . i can’t actually believe I was that person.

Im in a different place now. But appalled by my behaviour, have had counselling.

I’m being urged by friends to ‘ tell her the truth to let her live make her own decisions’
99% of me thinks it was two years ago , let it be,

1% thinks I’d want to know, even if it was twenty years ago , never mind two

it’s reared it’s head for unrelated reasons, as tonight people I know (drunk) were saying they’d want to know, and I thought “would you really??”

Your friends are shit stirring. Ignore them. The right thing to do in this scenario was to not sleep with her husband in the first place but it’s too late for that. You can’t take away from what you did by telling her. It’s not a good deed, it doesn’t put anything right. Accept that you will have to live with the guilt and try to put it behind you. Somehow I really doubt you could go from being so brazen and downright cruel about it, cheating with a man with small kids, in her house, meeting her kids, lying to her face…you don’t magically grow a conscience after all of that.