How often is it acceptable to change furniture ? Should you keep it forever ?

[flurniture]

I’m just having this debate with my DH.

For example for children’s bedrooms, did you pick furniture that would last them until they grow up ? Or did you buy furniture when they were tiny and were thinking it would be appropriate for when they’re teens etc but maybe you changed it ?

Or when you moved house, did you need to get rid / sell or give away some furniture because it just didn’t fit in your new house properly ?

or a new sofa, just because it’s old and scraggly. How long do you keep sofas ? Or how about, after 15-20 years, you just fancied a fresher, more modern look, so you just got a new sofa or dining table or whatever it is.

my DH comes from a family where they’ve had the same items for 40 years or so. Fine. But I feel like him and his family are always pushing for us to keep stuff which doesn’t match any more in our new place/ or is just getting old etc.

I have recently bought bedroom furniture for my two year old and my DH is saying he can’t imagine my son liking it when he’s 15. It’s not offensive, it’s just white and good quality/ nice style. It’s hard for me to say whether a 15 year old will like it.

we’ve had some cheaper chest of drawers that we’ve owned and used for over 10 years but are now just falling apart and we need new ones. DH sees it as ‘ it was such a waste ‘ when actually for the price, it lasted a long time and isn’t a ‘waste’.

I get there will be a lot of furniture which can last a life time, but who had the money to afford that kind of furniture in your 20s.

anyhow, I’m just thinking it’s normal to update things sometimes or for things to not fit in your new house or for old stuff to need to be replaced. But I feel like it’s always a ‘ failure ‘ in DH eyes because of how his partners have so much old furniture and have never updated their house in any way. Their house is like a museum..

I’m probably team DH but I tend to buy old bits of furniture from gumtree. I’ve owned my house for 12 years and had a dog chewed dining table and rickety chairs left by previous owners until last month! Replaced with a gumtree bargain ( oak dining table and 8 chairs) for £100! I’m expecting it to outlive me. I’d much rather get an old set of solid hardwood drawers and strip them back and re varnish or paint than buy new. Saves money, the environment, less flimsy so unlikely to break.

I do live in ye olde farmhouse so a selection of mix and match, arts and crafts style, bits of old wood feels in keeping. My stuff might seem a bit hodge podge in a more modern house.

There is no 'acceptable'. Acceptable to whom? Replace your furniture whenever you want!

I am very slowly replacing furniture with beautiful pieces that I really love but now I can afford it. The antique/vintage pieces will hopefully last a lifetime. I don’t like waste or getting rid of things unnecessarily though. I don’t really buy ikea type furniture as it doesn’t last bit if I got really tired or bored of something I guess I would change it or upcycle it but I would never just throw it away. I would sell it on ( if good enough) or freegle it. We need not to be such huge consumers and be careful about landfill.

We bought MFI bedroom furniture for DS when he was about 4 or 5 when we moved house and a cabin bed, replaced cabin bed at about 14 with single bed replaced it all apart from bed when he left home at 21 after university and the room was completely redecorated. Before DS had his MFI furniture at old house, age 0-4, I think there was just some mismatched drawers and wardrobe someone had given us in there and a cheap bed.

MFI was the place to go in the 80s and 90s, I still miss it now, our Shreiber kitchen from 1997 which we still have came from there. I suppose it was a bit like going to Ikea now

The wardrobes did get a bit tatty as DS put stickers on them and they didn't come off easily, I'm sure some of it ended up in garage or brick outhouse for storage where the old stuff often goes to finish it off.

We have antique furniture so it's older than us and will last after we've gone! We've changed a couple of items as our needs change but otherwise that's it! But the teens have modern furniture in their rooms, mostly IKEA but it's very solid. They're desks got bigger and bigger as they got older. I regret the beds though. After their cot/cot beds they had bunk beds then high sleeper beds (when they were sharing). Then the bunks went into separate rooms for them, then we got them double beds. I wish we'd put them into their own rooms sooner and saved all the changing about!

We tend towards keeping furniture so buy good solid items in classic styles. We changed our sofa 2 years ago when we moved because our old one we had had 20 years didn’t fit through the doors of the new house. Having said that we have had more mattresses in the last 10 years than most people have in a lifetime because I’m like the princess in princess and the pea

My sofa is 24 years old and looks nearly brand new. Other than bed mattresses, I buy all vintage furniture. My living room suite is my grandparents’ from the early 1950s (reupholstered).

Buying new stuff every few years is wasteful.

Some people have to change thier furniture before it's worn put, so that people like me can buy it second hand.

The end of it's life with you can be the start of it's life elsewhere.

Your 'moral' duty is to keep it well maintained and usable for its next life and not to trash it and not treat it as dospossble.

Eventually things reach the end of thier useful life span and get recycled or end up in waste but don't hasten it

This is a very timely thread for me as DH and I had a similar discussion last weekend which left me feeling quite upset with him. We are looking for a new sofa as ours (bought second-hand twenty years ago) is knackered, but when I mentioned getting a new dining table as well, he didn’t agree because ‘there’s nothing wrong with it’. It turns out that he thinks that furniture shouldn’t be replaced unless it’s damaged or broken, even the things that we bought second-hand when we first bought a house and had no money. These are not nice pieces of vintage furniture (the dining table is that ugly 1980s style mid-dark wood), and nothing matches (and not in a stylish mismatched vintage way). I am now contemplating the fact that if we go by his ‘rule’, I probably won’t get any new furniture for the rest of my life 🙄I wasn’t even looking at really expensive tables, just one I’d seen in Ikea! But he’d be very happy to spend a lot of money on a sofa to suit him and his need for lower back support!

This has revealed a difference in our backgrounds. My parents had old and secondhand furniture until I was about ten or eleven, then my mum started replacing it with nicer things (looking back, I can see that my parents had more money and all us kids were older). I had assumed that we would do the same now that DD is older and we have more money. However, his parents only ever replaced things if they were broken and are not that bothered about things looking nice in the way my mum was (not a criticism, they’re just very different). So he assumed that we would be the same.

Interestingly, he’s fine with replacing furniture in DD’s room, but I think that’s because there’s an obvious need (she grew out of her toddler bed; she needs a desk for homework etc) but left choosing the actual furniture to DD and I.

I like the idea of buying to last but you don't always get it right or your needs can change. We bought a cheap single bed for our oldest DC and it was horribly creaky, made an absolute racket when DC was restless at night. I felt wasteful getting rid of it but it was making me anxious that it was bothering the neighbours.

Personally I don't really care about keeping up with styles, I only buy new things if the old thing isn't working for us.

I think children's furniture can be a bit different depending on what you get as it might be a bit 'babyish' for a teen. We got DC a king single bed in the hope it will last him for a decent amount of time (went from cot to this bed, didn't bother with a toddler bed). He just has a basic shelf in his room which was given by a friend. In a few years I'll get him a nice bookshelf to replace the two cheap ones he currently has in the living room (tend to keep books in there as they are more accessible). If you get classic furniture, it needs replacing less often and I don't really think furniture dates quickly. I can't say I've noticed this in anyone else's house unless they are very old and have had it for 50+ years!

There is clearly a balance to be struck. We keep stuff until it is either broken, or no longer something we need/use. I would never get rid of something just because it is "unfashionable". Lots of the furniture we have bought is second hand, I have a welsh-dresser style thing which was 20 years old at least when I bought it, it's now been in our house about 15 years and was painted last year to give it a bit of an update. The sofa I am sitting on is 22 years old (I know because it was bought when DS was a newborn) and we had it reupholstered and re-stuffed last year.

I do object to the ethos of - pink is the in colour for 2025 so we all have to get rid of all the curtains, bedding, blinds, cushions and furniture and everything else which is not pink, so we can make our house look just like everyone else's house.

We have a lot of IKEA furniture, and it does stand the test of time if treated correctly. We also have a sideboard and cupboard in light oak, and a mid-century dark oak French-polished table inherited from our family. The bookshelves are pine and over 20 years old, and the sofas are recliners and getting a bit rickety now, so will be replaced in the next couple of years after 20+ years of use.

However, tastes change, so unless you buy your furniture from a bespoke furniture maker, spending £££ and getting a lifetime “piece”, then no, they shouldn’t be kept forever. Apart from anything else, that lovely low lounger sofa may start proving difficult to get out of!

That last point is also the reason why I hate wedding lists: you just know that the ubiquitous expensive dinner service that is a must-have at 22, will be hidden away as hideous by the time they reach 35!

its very much a mixture here. Some ikea bits left from when the kids were small; some new 30 years ago when we married; lots of brown wood bought in auction rooms in the last 20 years; new suite for bedroom bought new 10 years when we extended. We don’t go for a matching look so it all sort of rubs along together and looks ok in the style of house we live in.

I think the things we own are meant to give us pleasure when we look at them.
Not feelings of resentment or guilt because we don't want them anymore but feel it'll be terrible to get rid of them for the environment or upsetting people's feelings.
Buy furniture you love now and don't beat yourself up if you buy again later. Expecting your little son to find the furniture useful/to his taste in 16 years seems unrealistic to me. And living his early life with grown up furniture seems a bit puritan.
Its supposed to add to your life not dictate it!
Otoh there is a lady in our village who seems to completely renovate one room in her house each year - and puts it all on the local fb selling site. It was all highly trendy and expensive a few years ago but out of fashion now and so very cheap. I must admit I goggle at the wastage but admire her style

DH bought our sofas before he met me (we’ve been together 24 years!).

DD (14) sleeps in the bed we bought her when she was 15 months old perfectly happily. It was bought with that intention. Same with her wardrobe.

Our wardrobes are over 20 years old.

Will do a bit of a shuffle around and buy some new stuff in the summer as DD wants to change her room a bit. But by and large we buy good quality, practical pieces and haven’t ever redecorated wildly in any case.

We've had to buy new beds when they've broken. Replaced our 17 yo sofa because it was coming apart at the seams. Have quite a few solid oak pieces which seem to be standing the test of time well...just updating decor around them.

A couple of things:

it’s not that in laws out and out say ‘ wow you’re so wasteful for having changed your dining table ‘ but DH will say it. I bought a cheap dining set from wayfair 10 years ago that looked perfect in our flat. The chairs were awful and wobbly very very quickly. When we moved to our new house 4 years ago, I said it all needs to be replaced. In laws were trying to find ways to keep it in our house - well, couldn’t it go in the kitchen - you could have it here - maybe in the office ? But it just didn’t match at all. We ended up giving the whole set to our friend who needed it.

the other thing that came with us was a sofa. It was l shaped and the shape just does not work in our new living room. The sofa is absolutely massive and DH and in laws just couldn’t accept that it just does not fit anywhere in our house. We have a big bedroom and it’s in there now, but it’s really doesn’t look great. We need to either sell it or give it away.

they all just obsess over any little thing we change / get rid of, as if it’s a failure when that happens.

I bought a bed for DD ( double ) 4 years ago and it’s just so creaky. I don’t plan to get rid of it now. But what the hell- what if in 5 years time, we move into a new place and I decide to get her a new bed ? Why the f is that some sort of failure ? They’d see it like that though.

I totally understand the thing about waste, but our stuff is always given away etc, so it’s not like it just gets thrown out- unless it’s broken.

DH bought lots of chest of drawers and bed side tables around 10 years ago from John Lewis- it’s cheap and cheerful. We still have it, one chest is broken, the rest are fine. But I can see that again, in a few years when we move- we may want to buy wooden chests etc and give away the John Lewis stuff - also, the style is ok but there are nicer ones out there. It was a cheap and cheerful purchase that’s lasted well I think. It will continue to last but is there shame in getting a new set when we move or even in a couple of years ? I don’t think so but in laws would be like ‘ oh where are all the chests you had before ? ‘ ‘ why did you change it ? ‘..

they were able to buy solid wood furniture 40 years ago and have kept it, fine. But not everyone does it that way.

that reminds me, I bought a cheap and simple changing table when my kids were babies, which I recently gave away to a lady who needed it- it was maybe 50 pounds when I got it. My DH was like ‘ oh what a waste again’ … how is that a waste ? I needed it at the time and used it for a good 4 years. Now it’s gone to another home, where it’s needed. I just don’t see any problem with that. I know lots of people don’t use changing tables but this one was really good and had storage etc. it really helped make things easier when my kids were babies.

anyway, it’s all a bit annoying !

I can't see the waste in your update. People need a supply of second hand stuff and our needs change over time.

Thanks ! I agree with you.

I also think it’s strange to imagine my son at 16 hating his furniture or to buy him adult furniture now ? But mg DH and his fam, 100 percent expect this furniture to be in his room until he moves out. It might be, or it might not be, is how I think about it. I’m going to post a pic of the pieces I got as they’re really nice.

My husband thinks it’s too babyish and he needs natural wood colour for when he’s a teenager. We are considering buying this style instead as my husband thinks it will last him until he’s an adult. I may then move the one I bought to the guest room, as that doesn’t have much furniture yet.

Do you and your husband mean the same thing when you talk about waste? You think its a waste to throw away an item that someone else can get some use out of; he seems to be talking about the original cost of the item, as if in his mind, things never depreciate in value.

I must say I don't think choosing the natural wood colour would be a bad compromise if your dh likes it better? They both look nice.

It's frightening how hypervigilant men are about the masculinity of their sons though.

I like the natural wood one on this as well, so it’s fine. I’m happy to compromise there. But even then, is this definitely going to last him forever ? Who knows. Hopefully. But maybe it won’t and I think that’s also ok and not a failure.

and OMG you’re so right about the masculinity thing ! My DH actually said the white was too feminine.

he’s also not happy that I didn’t paint my son’s room blue…it’s a lovely green shade with animal wall paper.

I think he thinks of waste like ‘ you spent 50 pounds on something we no longer own now as you gave it away ‘.

whereas I think of it like ‘ I spent 50 pounds on having a great changing table for 4 years that I now no longer need and can give to someone who needs it.

so yeah you’re right, we think of it differently.