Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be pissed at sister

38 replies

hackedoff247 · 15/05/2008 12:29

Will try to keep it short but....

My oldest sister lives 600 miles away from where my mum lives. I only live 5 miles from my mum. I have an arrangement with my mum whereas she take DS to school and also picks him up 4 days a week, so that I can work. On the friday mum works herself. Sis phoned beginning of week to say that she is going away this week (yest actually) and that her exDH is refusing to have their kids Thurs night even though he has then Wed and then from Friday to Monday. So sis phoned mum and asked her to come 600 miles to babysit. She has paid for her flight which is fine but her friend offered to have the kids for the night but she doesn't want to put her out but is quite happy to have mum lose a days work (friday) and leave me without childcare for the Thursday. Mum wasn't happy about it and initially said she couldn't do it then sis put guilt trip on her saying that me and her are in the same boat and solely rely on mum for sitter. I'm 5 miles down the road though not 500!

Sis's trip is work (or first day of it is work) and she's extended it for pleasure too which is why mum has to go down.

AIBU to be annoyed at her for expecting mum to drop all her commitements (and I'm not just talking about getting my DS) and travel 600 miles to babysit just because she doesn't want to put her friend out even though they offered?

Hope that makes sense

OP posts:
Original poster
hackedoff247 · 15/05/2008 12:31

I don't solely rely on mum for sitter but i do for the school drop off and collection - as per our arrangement.

OP posts:
lazarou · 15/05/2008 12:34

I think you are being a little bit unreasonable. Maybe she feels more comfortable having your mum there, plus it would be nice for your sisters children to see their grandmother.

Saturn74 · 15/05/2008 12:34

It sounds like it might be your sister's turn to get some babysitting from your Mum.

I can see why you are annoyed though.
Do you have a friend who could do the school run for you - or could you alter your working hours for those few days?

themoon66 · 15/05/2008 12:35

So your mum is flying 600 miles just for one night's babysitting?

southeastastra · 15/05/2008 12:35

it would be nicer if you sis would have offered to have your mum to visit rather than babysit at the last minute. yanbu

vitomum · 15/05/2008 12:38

did your sister's ex back out of the thurs at short notice?

Original poster
hackedoff247 · 15/05/2008 12:45

It is great that mum is spending time with other grandkids and do not grudge them it one little bit but this is a paid arrangement between mum and me and I'm having to take unpaid half day from work.

Yes flying 600 miles for one night. She will pick kids up from after school club at six and then drop them off at school in the morning and fly back.

Parents make huge effort to see grandchild are go to visit at least every other month. This is the third time this has happened in the last two months and to be truthful it wouldn't be a problem if we were given more notice. Maybe IABU!

Vito- no he wasn't meant to have them Thurs but sis asked him to helpout as she would be away and he said no

OP posts:
modernart · 15/05/2008 12:47

A little unreasonable. Your sister is a single parent going on a work trip. She sounds like she could do with extending it into a mini break for some time to herself.

lazarou · 15/05/2008 12:51

Sounds like your mum needs a break!

Original poster
hackedoff247 · 15/05/2008 12:51

She is a single parent and doing brilliantly but she is just back from long weekend in Peru, had a fortnights holiday in Egypt in March (which parents went to babysit for) and was away for another long weekend at end of Feb - all pleasure none business. Maybe she is in of a break!!

OP posts:
Original poster
hackedoff247 · 15/05/2008 12:52

Yeah mum does need a break which is why we paid for her and dad to go on a holiday in may as a thank you

OP posts:
Original poster
hackedoff247 · 15/05/2008 12:53

Just realised this is May she's away in a fortnight for her holiday!

OP posts:
EffiePerine · 15/05/2008 12:54

You are being a little competitive, non?

Surely your mum's decision to go? Maybe she's looking forward to it?

Original poster
hackedoff247 · 15/05/2008 12:57

How am I being competitive effie?

It is mum decision to go but I know she's not happy about even having arguement with sis about it before agreeing.

OP posts:
southeastastra · 15/05/2008 12:58

can't see why your sister doesn't just ask her friend, it's only one day.

WilyWombat · 15/05/2008 12:59

OK so how many people clicked on this to see if they had pissed their sister off? (phew it wasnt me)

Original poster
hackedoff247 · 15/05/2008 13:00
Grin
OP posts:
EffiePerine · 15/05/2008 13:00

well, if you both use your mother for childcare I can imagine all sorts of arguments would flare up

can see it from your sister's POV as well: your mum looks after your DS all the time AND you have a partner to help...

anyway, it's really down to your mum and sister. Even if you were paying a CM you would expect to cover holidays and other days when she had committments she couldn't break (you'd prob get a bit more notice though)

wobblyknicks · 15/05/2008 13:01

YANBU at all! Your mum said no to going 600 miles just to babysit for one night and your sister guilt-tripped her into it even though she had another option (the friend)! I'd be extremely peed off and tell my mum I thought sis was taking the piss but in the end it's still your mum's decision.

Why on earth can't your sis take up the friends offer (assuming the friend is competent to mind the kids), buy her a huge box of chocs afterwards for putting her out - everyone's happy!

In the end you can tell your mum your opinion but it's her choice and not really down to you to get cross because of your school run being disrupted. However, I'd definitely think less of my sis in this situation, seeing as it's for pleasure and she's already had a fair whack of holiday (if she'd never had a holiday and was on the verge of meltdown it would be a different matter).

Original poster
hackedoff247 · 15/05/2008 13:04

Ok fair point. Its not as if her exdh doesn't have the kids though. He has them two nights a week and every other weekend.

There usually isn't arguments if we're given more notice.

OP posts:
wobblyknicks · 15/05/2008 13:04

Plus, unless I've misread, she booked this without having any cover for the Thursday (if she wasn't going to take the friends offer) - she's being very unreasonable, you can't arrange a fanciful holiday without getting your kids sorted out first!

Original poster
hackedoff247 · 15/05/2008 13:07

Spoke to mum about it but didn't want her too feel guilty about going down - they are her grandkids after all.

Dad isn't happy and has told sister that she can't expect mum to drop everything and fly away for one night at short notice

OP posts:
Saturn74 · 15/05/2008 13:08

Could your Dad do the school run for you?

Original poster
hackedoff247 · 15/05/2008 13:09

The wednesday away is business but she booked her return flights for the Monday hoping the ex would help and she could go sight seeing for a few days but its a messy divorce and ex said no so she was left stuck

OP posts:
Original poster
hackedoff247 · 15/05/2008 13:10

Dad works too and gets less holidays and I wouldn't ask him to take holidays to pick DS up from school.

OP posts: