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AIBU?

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Original poster

Stock markets, inheritance, i don't understand

258 replies

Vlinty · 05/04/2025 10:55

My mother died in 2024 and father this March. Years before they had made me power of attorney (because my husband works in finance he is a lawyer, so could help me. I am clueless and they knew this.)

After mum died, my DH took over, because my dad had dementia.

He changed a lot of their funds over to higher risk , their financial advisor told me they had always wanted low risk.

We sold the house and dh got me to invest with another fund manager. Take the money out of ns&I as well.

So some money with new advisor, some with old advisor but all higher risk than my parents had it

Now this morning he has told me that everything is down 25%.... obviously because the markets have plummeted following trump's tariffs.

I am so distraught, I have 2 siblings who will want their share of the money. I'm really angry with dh and he now won't talk to mr because I'm panicking and he won't help me - just says I won't listen. When it is him who will not answer a straight question.

Please help me calm down.

OP posts:
Trolleysaregoodforemployment · 05/04/2025 12:27

LiquoriceAllsorts2 · 05/04/2025 12:24

Well that doesn’t help as the dad is already dead.

Show quote history

My comment was irony and directed at a specific post. What I think about this situation I posted in a separate post. Feel free to read it.

Negroany · 05/04/2025 12:28

I don't understand why you didn't distribute the funds once you sold the house, why invest it?

Whose money is it that you invested, what does the will say? Are you the executor of the will?

Did you sell the house after your DF died?

Once your DF died you no longer had poa and your DH had no business investing people's inheritances (other than yours, arguably!).

PrioritisePleasure24 · 05/04/2025 12:30

Do your siblings know how they were invested since you were POA? Did they agree with the move? I think that’s more of a question really. If they were aware of the new investment strategy and were happy with it?

If they were unaware and are expecting a certain amount of inheritance in money and not investments it will be more of an issue. If they were aware then it’s part of investing… the highs and lows and could inherit the stocks/shares as is.

TonTonMacoute · 05/04/2025 12:32

Don't panic! If you haven't yet applied for probate surely this is good news, you want as low a value on the portfolio as possible for probate purposes, to reduce any IHT.

If you wait, the value will go up again, then you can divide it up, or put it in a family trust or whatever you decide.

LittleBearPad · 05/04/2025 12:33

TonTonMacoute · 05/04/2025 12:32

Don't panic! If you haven't yet applied for probate surely this is good news, you want as low a value on the portfolio as possible for probate purposes, to reduce any IHT.

If you wait, the value will go up again, then you can divide it up, or put it in a family trust or whatever you decide.

How long are you expecting the siblings to wait for their share?

LittleBearPad · 05/04/2025 12:34

Your husband has been greedy and foolish. Fine for him to play silly buggers with your share if you wanted him to. But not your siblings’ share.

thepariscrimefiles · 05/04/2025 12:35

Panama2 · 05/04/2025 12:13

If the value of your late father’s estate has gone down there will be less IHT to pay which is a good thing. Your DH should not have been moving investments into high risk at all and as you had POA you must take responsible for allowing it to happen. As already stated you need to sit tight and wait for the prices to rise at the moment only a paper loss. Also with share prices dropping they will be cheaper to buy.
I would wonder what your DH is doing with your joint finances though what exactly is his job?

So even though OP and her siblings will end up with less money due to the 25% loss of value in these investments than if the crash hadn't happened, it's still a good thing as less inheritance tax will be due?

Inheritance tax is villified to such an extent by the wealthy people who are the only people paying it, that they would rather end up with less money due to the crash than inherit more because that means paying more IHT which funds services for everyone.

If the OP's parents legacy included a property, they would have been able to inherit £1 million before being liable for IHT. However, it sounds as though her DH sold the property and invested the proceeds in high risk stocks and shares before the death of OP's father. He sounds like a bit of a gambler tbh.

endofthelinefinally · 05/04/2025 12:36

FairKoala · 05/04/2025 12:15

Vlinty
Does your dh gamble?

What you have to realise is that for all your dh’s so called intelligence he lacks basic understanding of consequences

It wasn’t a secret that Trump was going to bring in these tariffs

Although judging by a lot of Americans cheering this on you do wonder if they realise they are cheering on the biggest “tax” hike they are going to be paying for

Honestly I don't think they had a clue.

Twiglets1 · 05/04/2025 12:37

I don't understand ... you knew your husband had invested their money in high risk shares not the lower risk ones they preferred.

You said nothing but now it's 100% his fault that the shares have gone down?

Blinkyy · 05/04/2025 12:38

titchy · 05/04/2025 11:07

And actually, any fool knew the markets were going to crash. Even my 20-something ds cashed out his stocks and shares ISA before Trump tariffed everyone.

Maybe that’s why they’ve plunged -everybody selling out to avoid it 😂

RaindropsonNoses · 05/04/2025 12:38

Vlinty · 05/04/2025 10:55

My mother died in 2024 and father this March. Years before they had made me power of attorney (because my husband works in finance he is a lawyer, so could help me. I am clueless and they knew this.)

After mum died, my DH took over, because my dad had dementia.

He changed a lot of their funds over to higher risk , their financial advisor told me they had always wanted low risk.

We sold the house and dh got me to invest with another fund manager. Take the money out of ns&I as well.

So some money with new advisor, some with old advisor but all higher risk than my parents had it

Now this morning he has told me that everything is down 25%.... obviously because the markets have plummeted following trump's tariffs.

I am so distraught, I have 2 siblings who will want their share of the money. I'm really angry with dh and he now won't talk to mr because I'm panicking and he won't help me - just says I won't listen. When it is him who will not answer a straight question.

Please help me calm down.

I'm sorry OP . I don't think your OH has managed this very well. In my opinion he should have gone with your wishes to put it in low risk or even balanced risk. If he put it on high risk, he should have been keeping more of an eye on it. We all knew the tariffs announcement was coming up and it wasn't goingbto be good news so he should have transferred to bonds or cash. I hope it all comes good again 🙏

TonTonMacoute · 05/04/2025 12:38

edwinbear · 05/04/2025 12:03

Please don’t panic OP. I work in financial markets. I was sat on a bank trading floor for 9/11, the financial crisis, during Covid and yesterday. Yesterday was without doubt, one of the worst sell offs I’ve seen during my 25 year career, it was complete carnage. I take a very low risk approach to my personal investments, probably because I’ve seen so many crashes it makes me wary - I ‘lost’ about £20k overnight in my share portfolio. I daren’t check my pension fund as that will be worse.

But it’s a paper loss only, I don’t need the money right now so I am happy to sit on them and ride it out. Markets will recover, we just don’t know how long it will take. Whilst I’m sat on those shares, I’m still earning dividends, some of them pay quite well.

Your DH has, in my view, over stepped the mark, although I’m sure he was only trying to get a better return. There’s not much that can be done right now, it’s a damage limitation exercise. If you don’t need to cash anything in right now, all you can do is speak with your siblings. Find out if they are happy to take ownership of the shares instead of selling them and taking a lower amount of cash. They may be happy to have the shares, take the dividend income and also wait for things to recover.

A useful comment from someone who actually knows what they are talking about.

If it's a high risk portfolio it might even end up doing very well in the current circumstances.

DeclineandFall · 05/04/2025 12:38

If you have to cash it in now at a lower rate you can also buy new less risky investments cheaper as well. You'll only lose out if you need the cash.
I am in same position with my mothers investments- we were due to cash in in a month or so. My DB wants the money but I'll be reinvesting and won't particularly lose out as everything is down.

LoveItaly · 05/04/2025 12:40

SapphOhNo · 05/04/2025 11:37

you've made a massive mistake not understanding how this works. If I were your siblings I'd be furious.

Me too. No wonder so many men treat women as simpletons when they duck responsibility by claiming to be ‘clueless’ about something. I’m sure the OP’s parents weren’t expecting the OP to be a financial genius, but making no effort to understand or be involved when you have accepted the role of POA for financial affairs is inexcusable. And your husband being a lawyer in finance doesn’t make him a financial expert, either.

endofthelinefinally · 05/04/2025 12:40

Bitethehandthatfeedsyou · 05/04/2025 12:17

It's really scary - my pension dropped by £14K yesterday. Also the value of the company I work for dropped by $1 billion. I've had two massive projects I was working on paused because overnight the tariffs have caused so much uncertainty.

I am just sitting tight to see what happens for now because I don't really know what else to do.

There isn't anything else really. I haven't even looked at my pension pot. I am just going to wait and see what next week brings.

Idontmindmondays · 05/04/2025 12:42

I think you need a multi step plan.
1stly don't panic and sell, you have only lost money if you actually cash out. However understanding when you and your siblings need the money is important. If it's next week it's a problem, if it's 6/12 months there is some recovery time, based on the timescale you might need a schedule of transfers/sales to minimise the impact of the market dip.

You (and your siblings) need to learn some basic financial literacy, take a look at the Rebel Finance School on FB. It'll help (I'm not affiliated with them).

Nobody (including your husband) should make risky decisions on other peoples finances without their consent. I think you all need to get together and understand what the art of the possible is if they/you need access to the funds in the short term.

Good luck

Neveranynamesleft · 05/04/2025 12:42

It may be useful to get your head around as much of the basics as possible to do with finance / investing etc etc then you are not dealing with things ' blind ' so to speak or paying people when there is no need. Or letting other people take a gamble with your money.....
Moneysavingexpert.com is a very good place to learn about things and pick up tips.

rickyrickygrimes · 05/04/2025 12:43

Wow, if I was your sibling I'd be furious! Do your siblings know that your husband took this approach with your parents savings? Why didn't you stop him?

springintoaction321 · 05/04/2025 12:50

OliphantJones · 05/04/2025 11:10

If you don’t understand you need to learn it instead of relying on someone else. You have been really stupid here. It’s not good for anyone, especially women, to witter ‘oh I’m clueless’ (tinkly laugh) and not do anything about it. That’s how women get taken advantage of and end up in very vulnerable financial positions. It’s infuriating seeing women do this over and over again.

Wow - rude

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 05/04/2025 13:09

Just sit tight for now. Let things play out.

Chenecinquantecinq · 05/04/2025 13:10

Do you need to sell now? If not why are you panicking?

cestlaviecherie · 05/04/2025 13:12

It makes no difference, unless your DH is an advisor to Trump there's nothing he could have done.

He made a totally reasonable decision based on the information available to him at the time.

Everyone and everything is down, it would have gone down even if it was the safest lowest risk investment in the world. Look at how much has been wiped off pensions.

I agree to sit tight and wait it out.

Soontobe60 · 05/04/2025 13:12

titchy · 05/04/2025 11:04

Actually I’m not with the dh at all. The OP’s father is elderly. He is absolutely NOT a suitable client to have everything in high risk. The older you get, the less risk your funds should be.

Right now though, you are where you are. And you will have to ride this out, and, bluntly, hope his assets don’t need to be cashed in soon.

But take this as a sign NOT to trust your dh. You need to either get to grips with his financial affairs yourself, or pay someone. Your dh doesn’t have a clue. And young hold PoA not your dh. This would make me reconsider my marriage if I’m honest.

I’m not sure the OPs father will bother - he died in March!

SuspiciousChipmunk · 05/04/2025 13:12

OP, You are going to get a lot of people with limited financial knowledge coming to this thread to ‘mumsplain’ their perceived knowledge to you.

The key thing to establish is whether the funds were supposed to be accessible or a longer term investment to be assessed when the market is performing. If it’s the format your husband has acted recklessly.

Soontobe60 · 05/04/2025 13:14

titchy · 05/04/2025 11:18

The mother has died, the father has dementia and OP is supposedly looking after his finances.

Show quote history

My mother died in 2024 and father this March