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AIBU?

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Original poster

Stock markets, inheritance, i don't understand

258 replies

Vlinty · 05/04/2025 10:55

My mother died in 2024 and father this March. Years before they had made me power of attorney (because my husband works in finance he is a lawyer, so could help me. I am clueless and they knew this.)

After mum died, my DH took over, because my dad had dementia.

He changed a lot of their funds over to higher risk , their financial advisor told me they had always wanted low risk.

We sold the house and dh got me to invest with another fund manager. Take the money out of ns&I as well.

So some money with new advisor, some with old advisor but all higher risk than my parents had it

Now this morning he has told me that everything is down 25%.... obviously because the markets have plummeted following trump's tariffs.

I am so distraught, I have 2 siblings who will want their share of the money. I'm really angry with dh and he now won't talk to mr because I'm panicking and he won't help me - just says I won't listen. When it is him who will not answer a straight question.

Please help me calm down.

OP posts:
TheBoots · 05/04/2025 11:25

RatedDoingMagic · 05/04/2025 11:19

?

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Her father has died and her siblings will be expecting their share of the inheritance...

FeministUnderTheCatriarchy · 05/04/2025 11:26

You have only lost money if you sell now.

It being down currently is absolutely fine if you sit tight.

People panicking and cashing out is the biggest mistake. Now is actually a good time to be buying.

Hold your horses, wait until it stabilises and goes back up, then move to a low risk. It shouldn't be in a high risk when your siblings have an interest in the money short term.

The markets are a long term investment. People who are nervous and panicky are not good investors in this format.

BlueMum16 · 05/04/2025 11:26

BaronessEllarawrosaurus · 05/04/2025 11:23

There is no time. The father has now passed away and they need to sort probate and then pay out the inheritance to siblings. They can't wait.

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Probate can take months and often years.

Still no need to panic. The markets may bounce back a bit in the coming weeks, no one knows.

OP needs a grown up conversation with the person she is trusting with her family money not randoms on the internet.

If she still has doubts then she needs separate legal and financial advice.

endofthelinefinally · 05/04/2025 11:27

SoSoLong · 05/04/2025 11:25

You don't need to liquidate stocks and shares to split the inheritance, you can transfer ownership. They will come back up in value as long as you and your siblings sit tight for a bit.

This. No need for panic. Everyone with investments is in the same boat atm.

RatedDoingMagic · 05/04/2025 11:29

TheBoots · 05/04/2025 11:25

Her father has died and her siblings will be expecting their share of the inheritance...

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Then they can inherit the stocks and shares as they are, they don't have to liquidise them either.

VerySkilledFirefighter · 05/04/2025 11:31

titchy · 05/04/2025 11:04

Actually I’m not with the dh at all. The OP’s father is elderly. He is absolutely NOT a suitable client to have everything in high risk. The older you get, the less risk your funds should be.

Right now though, you are where you are. And you will have to ride this out, and, bluntly, hope his assets don’t need to be cashed in soon.

But take this as a sign NOT to trust your dh. You need to either get to grips with his financial affairs yourself, or pay someone. Your dh doesn’t have a clue. And young hold PoA not your dh. This would make me reconsider my marriage if I’m honest.

That’s only true if you plan to use it. Given he died with more than he needed, high risk is a perfectly viable strategy. The kids can keep it invested in a similar portfolio and over time it should recover in value.

But my low risk portfolio is also 6% down at the moment.

Sadly OP this is on you. If you can understand what your DH has done is ‘wrong’ now then you were capable of understanding it at the time your DH was making the decisions and should’ve spoken up then.

ShanghaiDiva · 05/04/2025 11:31

your dh has acted inappropriately. A high risk profile is completely unsuitable when managing the funds of an elderly person with dementia. Additionally you had power of attorney and should not have delegated this power to your husband if you didn’t understand what he was doing.

LighthouseTeaCup · 05/04/2025 11:32

I think the best thing would be for you to pay for some independent financial advice. As an attorney you claim for the expense for this from the estate. (the full estate, not your share of it)

You need to take back control and understand what happened with your DHs choices and what is the best way forward now.

You also need to be able to explain the situation to your siblings

My advice is that you haven't lost 25% of the estate untill you cash in the investments. Explore ways of transferring ownership of the investments as they stand, to yourself and your siblings

usersldjfksdoi · 05/04/2025 11:33

BaronessEllarawrosaurus · 05/04/2025 11:23

There is no time. The father has now passed away and they need to sort probate and then pay out the inheritance to siblings. They can't wait.

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There is time in two ways - one is the delay that occurs with probate admin. if you are the executor you are in charge of how long stuff takes.

second it is always open to all beneficiaries to agree to a different course with the will - this would include spliting it different ways, leaving money to a forgetten person or delaying - provided you all agree you can agree to anything. It will depend on the view point of the siblings and how much they need want money now but you could all agree to leave the investments as is for a defined period - say 2 years and review it then.

or if one wants out now but one is happy to wait for the market to recover, you could get it valued and buy out the 1/3 for the one who wants money now and leave the rest in.

generally with markets time is your friend. it will recover eventually but the question is whether that is one year, three years, ten years or anything in between.

usersldjfksdoi · 05/04/2025 11:33

and as @LighthouseTeaCup says definitely get some prof independent financial advice.

titchy · 05/04/2025 11:35

Mauro711 · 05/04/2025 11:25

Eek, it was not up to your DH to gamble with yours and your siblings inheritance. Before it has been divided between the siblings it doesn’t belong to you. You will both need to sit down with your siblings and explain what you have done. The value of the stocks and shares would have gone down with the low risk option too but you will need to try and calculate the difference I guess and perhaps look at compensate your siblings using your share. That seems to be the only fair option. That, and telling your DH he’s a pompous dick. If he works in finance he should know not to gamble with money he doesn’t have.

The value of the NS&I wouldn’t have gone down though…

SapphOhNo · 05/04/2025 11:37

you've made a massive mistake not understanding how this works. If I were your siblings I'd be furious.

endofthelinefinally · 05/04/2025 11:37

Your DH acted wrongly but that is a separate issue and should have been addressed by all prospective beneficiaries at the time. You are where you are now and I agree with pp that an independent FI is the best way to go. But there are options and you have time.

Original poster
Vlinty · 05/04/2025 11:39

SapphOhNo · 05/04/2025 11:37

you've made a massive mistake not understanding how this works. If I were your siblings I'd be furious.

My parents actively wanted my husband to do it, as they didn't think I could do it, nor my siblings sadly.

OP posts:
endofthelinefinally · 05/04/2025 11:40

If your DH acted in secret and didn't tell anyone what he was doing, which you would have to prove, there isn't much you can do other than get financial advice about transferring the investments. It all sounds a bit murky but you are where you are.

Watermill · 05/04/2025 11:41

Well you allowed your DH to do this, playing silly games with other people’s money.

I suggest you take back control and discuss a way forward with your siblings. Decide between you how much you want to leave in higher risk investments, and how much you want to transfer to lower risk.

DH “help” is no longer required.

endofthelinefinally · 05/04/2025 11:43

Watermill · 05/04/2025 11:41

Well you allowed your DH to do this, playing silly games with other people’s money.

I suggest you take back control and discuss a way forward with your siblings. Decide between you how much you want to leave in higher risk investments, and how much you want to transfer to lower risk.

DH “help” is no longer required.

OP just said that the parents instructed him to manage their investments. So that puts a slightly different slant on it. He appears to have made a mess of it, but still.

SophieAnt · 05/04/2025 11:46

It wasn’t appropriate for your DH to move into high risk funds, given your parents’ preferences while they were alive. However it is perfectly possible (in fact quite likely) that there’s more value in the estate now even after the drop than there would have been if they had stayed in low risk and NS&I. So try to keep it in perspective. The shares will go up again and possibly very quickly (someone mentioned the Covid crash- that recovered in months not years).

Talk to your siblings now about what they want to do. If people are happy to wait and stay invested, that would be the best option.

Bunnycat101 · 05/04/2025 11:49

Higher risk doesn’t necessarily mean high risk. I think you need to understand what he had invested in. If he’d just chucked some in a global tracker that is very different to him putting it in spicy tech stocks or emerging markets. You’ve been unlucky with timing. Lots of people with have lost a lot post Trump unfortunately.

FigTreeInEurope · 05/04/2025 11:51

Stocks might recover, or there might be a global trade war leading to a recession. I dont see how anyone can predict anythimg at this point.

Pigsears · 05/04/2025 11:53

Take a course.. loads of them about. Even reading stuff from your banks website can help. Start with the basics- then work up to investing.

If you DH passes, you'll need to know how to manage money anyway- or at least have enough of an understanding so you can make a decision on who you can trust on managing your investments on your behalf.

So may as well start now.

RubberyChicken · 05/04/2025 11:53

titchy · 05/04/2025 11:19

Actually you’re right - missed that. In which case I’d be absolutely furious with your dh. And if I were your sibling, with you as well.

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You replied to your own post😂 op said her father died in March

Bepo77 · 05/04/2025 11:55

There’s not really anything to explain. He took a gamble increasing the risk level, and in the short term at least, it hasn’t paid off. Your options are:

  • Leave things as they are and see if the market recovers. Downside is the money may just decline further, possibly at a faster rate
  • Move to lower risk, but you’ve already “lost” money, so getting it back to where it was on a low risk level will take much longer
  • Diversify more with a mixture of low, medium and high risk accounts, premium bonds, etc to try and hedge your bets
  • Lock it away (premium bonds; savings), but that means it won’t really grow at all

I know your dh works in finance but there really isn’t a single correct answer on how to manage money - otherwise we’d all be rich!

SheridansPortSalut · 05/04/2025 11:56

Everyone is in the same boat. It's not his fault.

1457bloom · 05/04/2025 11:57

Historically bonds have been considered safe and predictable, however the cost of this is derisory returns and there have been times when they have fallen in value by over 25% in a single year. Over the long term equities outperform bonds. Think of your investment in equities like an investment in a farm, whether the farm is worth more one day than the next is irrelevant.