To ask: have you ever had someone just stop speaking to you for no reason?

[GutsyBrickMoose]

Not a big argument, not a clear falling out - just silence.

Someone you were close with suddenly withdrawing, ignoring calls or messages, and acting like you no longer exist.

If so, how did you deal with it and did they ever come back?

Not the same but there’s a mum from ds11 class who doesn’t speak to me, gives me death stares etc. I have absolutely no clue why. This is for the past 6 years. I started thinking maybe I’d went to school with her in the 90’s and shifted her boyfriend or something at a disco but then I found out she’s from another county the far side of Ireland so ours paths have never crossed. She has a girl in ds’s class and they are not particularly friends or anything so I don’t have much to do with them other than at school events or if I see her in the village. So weird.

Yes, but wasn’t just to me, but to each of our friend group of five. As others have said, it can’t have been for no reason, even if it appears so. I get some people don’t like confrontation, but to me it’s very childish and overly dramatic. If they reappear in the future then I’m likely going to say thanks but no thanks - I’m not dealing with that sort of avoidant behaviour.

Happened to me with the mum of my son's friend at school.

I didn't do anything. I never found out why she did it.

She had a lot going on with issues with her husband and mental health issues with another son.

This was years ago now. Recently she walked past me and blanked me again. I just laughed.

I really want to know what I did wrong.

Wow, does your day feel better for posting this?Have a word with yourself

Open your eyes and understand what pp are writing. Many of us did ask and were fobbed off.
We are not helpless waiting to be rescued - we attempted to understand.

@WhereIsMyJumper if you are referring to the opposite then I'm sorry I misunderstood

You think cutting off my physically abusive parent without explanation is childish?

Yes. I was friends with a girl at work. I used to stay with her for weekends etc., for a while when we were both single. We both then met our boyfriends, so that aspect ended, but we stay friendly at work - or so I thought.

She announced one day that she was getting married and moving to a different part of the country as her boyfriend had a new job elsewhere. She arranged a leaving do with the girls at work - but I wasn't invited. Others asked why I wasn't going and were surprised when I said I hadn't been included.

She left the company shortly after the leaving do. I did sign her card and make a donation. But I never heard from her again.

I have often wondered what I did wrong.

Ghosting someone you’re close to is incredibly immature. I’m amazed that anyone is defending this behaviour. It’s normal to be upset if a loved one stops speaking to you. It’s normal to care about people and relationships!

I have friends I’ve drifted from, but only one who actually ghosted me. One of my best friends stop speaking to me in our late teens. We had been super close. I was pretty upset. When we run into each other, she behaves really chummily, which is baffling. And she added me on social media – bizarre. From what I can see, she’s a troubled person who hasn’t made much progress in life. I still care for her, though, and wish her well.

What you are failing to understand is that sometimes our “loved ones” don’t deserve an explanation.

When I was about 20 I went through a horrific breakup (emotional abuse involved) and I was pieces for months. When I told one of my closest friends about it she burst out laughing and asked why I have such crap taste in men. Then immediately started talking about her new boyfriend and how lovely he was. A short while later I read her blog online (which she knew I followed) and she'd written an new post slagging off my parents.

Never spoke to her again and didn't explain why.

But at the same time I'm not particularly proud of it and now I'm older/through that God awful phase I do think I should've explained why she'd hurt me so much. At the time I couldn't even bear to have the conversation, I was so upset.

I’m sorry you went through all
of that. For what it’s worth, I really don’t see anything wrong with the way you reacted. You should be proud that you got rid of toxic people in your life

Wow, does your day feel better for clutching some pearls and pretending to be shocked 😃😅😅 Have a word with yourself. Or don't, I genuinely don't care 😁

You did precisely the right thing. Either she was being deliberately dreadful on purpose, for fun and laughs, or she is completely and totally incapable of behaving like a normal person.

Why do you think you should have given her the chance to behave disgustingly towards you again?

Yes. It’s horrible and plays on my mind sometimes still.

Twice. Currently dealing with a whole bunch who’ve frozen me out, but although they’ll never say why, the reason is extremely clear. I’m tainted by association with the last person they cut out. They’re a mean girls bunch anyway, and it would have been my turn sooner or later anyway. They have a high level of churn.

The first time was harder. A good friend went very quiet then said she was dropping me for what sounded like a spurious reason. I had no idea what was actually behind it until over a decade later when I was on the relationships board here, when a post triggered me realising I’d done a truly awful thing to her at my wedding. Through ignorance and prioritising DH’s wishes over her mental health. It was a mistake, but the reason is irrelevant; I still did it.

Whatever the reason is, it’s valid to them. It doesn’t honestly matter whether it’s valid to you, or whether you understand. You might never know. But if they are dropping you instead of talking to you then it’s not something they want you to fix, I’m sorry.

I have ghosted someone and am continuing to do so. (This person was a friend- but the intensity of this friendship was kind of forced on me against my will and was way too much). Despite finding it incredibly hard to assert my boundaries, I did force myself to say exactly how I felt to this person YEARS ago. It was awkward for me but they'd pushed me to that point (their behaviour was and is pretty much that of a stalker).

They used to say weirdly inappropriate things which made me feel awkward. I made it very clear that it was too much and asked them to stop. They gave a total non-apology, then about a week later carried on as if I'd said nothing. They're not stupid. Their behaviour is toxic, not mine.

Yes, because that’s what I said.

Im obviously not referring to situations that are dangerous for your physical and mental health.

But there are so many stories of people just being cut off for no reason whatsoever after seemingly doing absolutely nothing wrong because people seem to think relationships and disposable and you can just ‘make new friends’

In all HEALTHY relationships, you should be able to have a grown up conversation with someone about why they have upset you. Two normal adults should be able to discuss something to a point where they can at least see eye to eye and fix the issue. If you try and they don’t listen or laugh at you or have a go at you or whatever then fine, walk away.
If a friend did or said something to upset me, I would want to at least discuss that with them

Although I have never ghosted anyone or ever been ghosted, I am watching a very dear friend of mine pretty much go through this now with a close friend of hers and the only thing big that happens is that my friend lost her mum. And the other friend has just refused to speak to her since. It really breaks my heart when she is going through such a vulnerable time and one of her closest friends of decades can just drop her like that

If you made it clear how you felt you did give an explanation to the reason your friendship ended. I agree their behaviour is toxic but I’m sorry I do also think it’s toxic to disappear without explanation which isn’t what you did. I don’t get your point tbh

glad you ended the toxicity though for your own growth and happiness

Yes, we were close friends & worked together too, very awkward & I was extremely hurt at the time. It's really tough but you just have to accept it & move on.
We're friendly again now ( years later) but I'd never really trust her.
All I would add is that it won't be for nothing. There will be some reason, you might not be able to see it yet but there will be something.

Not a friend but a server in a diner I've regularly frequented for around 3 years. She was always really friendly and then suddenly she was making a point of serving any table but ours and blanking us. I've smiled and nodded at her, obviously thinking she was just really stressed, but it's been six months now and I know it's deliberately directed at us. She's fine with everyone else. I have absolutely no idea what we've done. We're just ordinary people, not riotous or difficult, always tip well and always polite. I've wracked my brains to pin point something no matter how trivial, but there really is nothing. It's such a shame.

Sorry I didn't really make that clear - it was a long time ago that I explained how I felt, but this person still continues the same behaviours that I told them I don't like (and there are other things too - someone upthread mentioned a visceral reaction which is what I have to this person, even via text.)

They (possibly) don't understand why I'm ghosting them now as I have spoken to and seen them in the time since I asked them to stop texting constantly/leaving gifts etc.

I just think that since I explained it clearly- which they won't have forgotten - they know exactly what they're doing and should therefore know why I'm keeping my distance- but their behaviour suggests that it's a mystery to them.

A friend did this. She had a wedding abroad at the peak of COVID and I couldn’t make it due to paperwork falling through - I paid her back expenses though (and had paid for everything). We caught up twice a few months later then I never heard from her again - until a mutual friend years later said that she was hurt by my behaviour.

I felt that our friendship was going down hill for a while; and maybe this was just the breaking point. Years later she got back in touch.

I’ve also been on the other end with an aunt of mine. She would call me because she needed someone to keep an eye on her son - but her son was beyond help and getting involved in dodgy stuff. She has shouted at me a few times - I’ve cried after some conversations. - and although I would tell her that I can’t help (and other family members had given up for similar reasons) - she wouldn’t listen. So I stopped answering for a while - and a while turned into months. But I was also going through my own stuff with health.

Yes this has happened a few times. In return, I do not contact them or ask them why. If that is what they want, fine with me.