To ask: have you ever had someone just stop speaking to you for no reason?

[GutsyBrickMoose]

Not a big argument, not a clear falling out - just silence.

Someone you were close with suddenly withdrawing, ignoring calls or messages, and acting like you no longer exist.

If so, how did you deal with it and did they ever come back?

Journalist?

OP which publication are you writing for?

That's not "for no reason" though is it.

@GutsyBrickMoose what makes you ask this question? Do you have experience of friendship ghosting?

Yes.

then after months of nothing she reappeared /messaged with no warning or explanation.

my bf at the time encouraged me to give her a chance. We met and had a nice day out, I didn’t raise it and then SHE GHOSTED ME AGAIN!!!!

Laura J you hurt my feelings! A lot! 😅😅😅
a decade on I can laugh but it cut deep at the time

Yes my sil. She was furious at me. I asked her what I had fine and she said if I dint know that's haif the problem. I honestly wracked my brains , I generally didn't do anything. I can only assume someone had said something to her that I have done or said. But I honestly didn't do or say anything !

I'm thinking of doing this at the moment. I have a friend who has a relationship with someone online they have phone sex but have never met or face timed. My friend has no idea who he is. Years after it started, I've reached my limit hearing about it. I've expressed concern and have tried to get my friend to really think about this, but she is being led by emotion for someone she doesn't know. When we meet, she talks about him a lot. I need a break from it now.tbh... she would never understand my needing a break from her / her situation, but j find it really depressing to listen to.

I find it hugely difficult when people won't put time into a friendship that would.
How long does it take to send a text or whatsap?

I have to learn to let people go and I don't think that is easy.

Yes 3 times in the last 5 years. I wracked my brain wondering what I did wrong. I asked I tried making an effort. Nada. I do think decent people don't behave like this. But not gonna lie hurt like hell at the time

My BF stopped talking to me, we’d been to school together and were in our early 30s and one day she just stopped responding to me (this was in the early days of mobile phones, so no blocking etc). I rang and left messages, even continued to send birthday cards etc. I was really worried so I called her Mum, her Mum said she was struggling with her MH and not to take it personally, she wasn’t soaking to anyone but her immediate family.

she added me a few years later on FB and Insta but we never really got talking again. She deactivated her accounts then pops back up now and again, but it’s clear she’s struggling. I did feel very hurt, but could understand that it wasn’t out of being nasty, I di genuinely believe she was struggling with her Mh.

Over 40 years ago I was friendly with another young mum at work. She came to a couple of events with DH and I, her DD was younger than our DC but we all got on. She then started going out with our manager, who was married at the time, and she just stopped speaking to me.

It was difficult at work, I was baffled and hurt, another friend tried to find out why, to no avail. She married the manager, I moved on but it really upset me at the time. It made me wary about becoming friendly with colleagues for a long time. I hadn't thought about her for years til I saw this thread.

That's just pure manipulation. I expect she has a strong history of falling out with and//or punishing people.

Yes, a work friend who id have counted as a friend in real life. Children the same age, visits to each others homes regularly. One day we met for coffee, hugged goodbye etc and next time I tried to arrange they were ‘busy’. Then again ‘too busy’. And so on. It’s been 5yrs of no contact. I think back to the last meeting sometimes and think, what did I say? Was I unintentionally rude or impolite? I’ve come to the conclusion that at that time things were going well for me, and they were not for her. Obviously I was a supportive friend, but I think being around me highlighted her own shortcomings as she saw them so she cut me out. It’s rarely about ‘you’ OP, waaaaay more likely to be about them and how they’re feeling. It hurt for a bit, but we move on. 🙂

I think it can be hugely painful and take immense bravery to ghost. It’s one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. To this day I’m still grieving the friendship that was until her toxic behaviour (not just to me but long term affair behind her husbands back that I had zero knowledge of) drove wedges that were too great to mend. This also included her treatment of her godchild (my child) and her unwillingness to open up when I suspected she was struggling and asked time and time and time again if she was ok, could I help her etc. turns out she was a mess because the affair partner ended it after a decade and moved on with his life and someone else. I had no words in the end.

Yes a very old friend and was upset, she had moved overseas and just had a baby. She sent a thank you card for the gift I sent, that was the last communication. Fast forward and it turned out she did the same to all the girls from back home. Basically anyone she met before University, she did stay in touch with her University friends. She actually died in her early fifties, I didn’t find out for a few months until after she died.

So I have had this and the friend had months later reconnected and said they had a lot going on (turns out she was having an affair and I am also friends with her husband so wanted to distance me)

then she did it again and tried to reconnect again and I blocked her and refused all contact- I can’t be manipulated like that

i have also faded out friends though too (2 in total) and this was because they were toxic and dangerous and would not handle the truth or a challenging conversation without twisting it- both compulsive liars who lied and tried to break up friendships with other people as they became possessive of me. One lied about having cancer and the other about a different illness, among other things.

Some times it is down to jealousy- the friend can’t cope seeing / hearing your success and can’t communicate it as they are struggling so much.

sometimes it’s a lack of being able to deal with confrontation of perceived unreasonable behaviour

Yes we had been very good friends. Been away together, all that sort of thing. She did confide in me that since meeting her now dh, she had lost contact with several close friends.
I had 2 hen dos and she didn’t come to either. Made excuses for both. Said she might be going away which I knew was a lie. I had gone on both of hers even though it wasn’t my thing.
We had a WhatsApp group just 4 of us, again very close friends.
We met as couples but it had to be either a Sunday night or Monday night. We all went along with this at first. Then I said I wasn’t meeting up then as I had work the next day.
We arranged a meet up and she only wanted to meet at the venue her dh worked at. It isn’t really suitable for a good night out, more a couples venue and it was inconvenient for one friend, too far away. She then insisted we changed the date which happened to be not great for me but I agreed. We settled on a venue which was convenient for all 4 of us and she never came.
She then backed out of our annual trip away.
Our mutual friend made one last attempt to organise a meet up but she never responded.
This was several years ago and I’ve never heard or seen from her since.

What a mysterious comment

The poster is very unlikely to be a journalist as she has misused the word ignorant

I agree that some women don’t like it when your circumstances change. In their heads they’re happy to put you into a ‘I pity this woman, her life is terrible compared with mine so I am keeping her as a friend so I can feel great about my life’ box.

Then your situation changes, you get a new partner, promotion, have a baby, inheritance, move house whatever, and suddenly you’re out of their pity box and they can’t handle it and they detach from the friendship.

They’re basically insecure and jealous and deep down rather horrible women. You quickly wise up to them and are def better off without them.

Yes, we were close enough to spend weekends staying at each other’s houses, then I just got dropped. Messages, cards, letters fell into a black hole. Never knew what, if anything, had happened. Whether it was me, or the fact that she had 3 kids with a small age gap- but I sent Christmas cards for years, putting my phone number in them and new addresses, hoping she would get back in touch. I still find it hurtful and I wish we were still friends.

I just cannot understand why someone can’t have an adult conversation with people in these situations. If someone has done something that bad that you deem it necessary to cut them out of their lives, isn’t it at least worth it to ask for an explanation?? It could just be a misunderstanding and you’d never know. It’s like a trial in absentia… “I have judged you and found you guilty without ever allowing you to take the stand and put your point across” I just think it’s very childish

Nah. It's the total opposite. If someone has done something bad enough for you to dump them they deserve absolutely zilch, zero, no response at all.

If you do get it wrong, it won't matter since you'll never know because you've ditched them, and there are always other people to befriend.

And it is really childish to go running after people who want you to get lost. It's the most adult thing in the world to not give any oxygen to drama llama ding dongs who think they have a right to smash other people's boundaries.

Also, just because you are the main character in your own life doesn't make you the main character in everyone else's. When it happened to me, I knew I had done nothing wrong, so obviously something had happened at her end. I knew though a friend of a friend she wasn't dead, so her choice had nothing to do with me. I moved on, like an adult.

But you did act clingy, needy and demanding with all those chasing texts and emails. ONE message is enough.

And to cut someone off without explanation IS cruel; it’s harder to move from someone when they do this and you drive yourself mental wondering WHY, even if you don’t “harp on about it”.

Lots of ghostees suffer in silence and for some it can take years to move on because there has been no explanation. It’s entirely natural to wonder what the fuck happened.

Yes, a previous friend. He and I used to be really good friends and then he ghosted me about 5 years ago. But we have friends in common and he did it to a few of them over the years so although I was hurt at the time, I’m pretty sure it was him problem and not me or them.

ETA - I did once reach out after about a year to say that if it was something I’d done I was sorry and it would be nice to get back in contact. But no reply. Then I bumped into him about a year ago with his wife and kids. I know his wife so we chatted away happily and introduced our kids. He said hello but didn’t really engage. It was odd, but again, clarified that it was probably a him thing and not me.

Nah. Don't be a twat. If it takes you years to move on from being ghosted you should come with a warning label "Loony, avoid befriending"

I don't care, at all, if that offends you. In fact, I will consider it funny if it does :)

Every single person who freaks out about being ghosted has proven why you were ghosted. You're a desperate, needy, clingy loon. And the more you crap on about it and try to shriek abuse at me for it - the more you show that's what you are. 😅😁😂