Reported male colleagues to HR

[Explorer36]

I attended our team meal last night - the usual meal/drinks afterwards. We are a big corporate company; the team I’m specifically on is a mix of ages and genders and everyone generally gets along quite well. We’ve got a vacancy due to someone retiring and it’s being advertised at the moment. Discussion was had between myself and two male colleagues - essentially ‘wonder whether it will be someone internal of external brought in’

The following exchange went along these lines:

Colleague 1 - I just hope they are fit
Colleague 2 - yeah, we need some younger blood. Blonde hair, boobs, tight little arse.
Colleague 1 - bit of eye candy, makes the day go faster
Me - I don’t think that’s how the company recruit people
Colleague 2 - manager name will look after us, he knows what we want (laughter between them both)
Me - Sorry, but that’s really not appropriate is it
Colleague 1 - if it was a good looking bloke you’d all be creaming your knickers so don’t give me that sort of attitude (laughter again)
Colleague 2 - Yeah, we know what you lot are like- dirty old women.

I told them I was uncomfortable at this point and I joined another group. After discussing this was a colleague earlier, she encouraged me to submit a HR report as for me, a line was crossed.

They are early 30’s and old enough to know better - one of them is married with kids.

Would you have done the same?

Thanks all, the replies are reassuring.

Even if nothing comes of it (likely given it will be two of their words v mine) the fact HR will ask some awkward questions should mean they rein it in going forward.

They’d hardly had a skinful - 2/3 pints. Infact, one of them drove so he’d have had even less!

if it was a good looking bloke you’d all be creaming your knickers so don’t give me that sort of attitude

Christ that’s vile. A bloke in the American company that I work for was immediately terminated for a comment like that and good fucking riddance. I wish we’d catch up and do the same back home. There’s just no excuse for it, besides being misogynistic it’s wildly unprofessional.

We are recruiting, it's a male dominated environment, the guys generally are of the opinion male or female doesn't matter, someone with a work ethic, a brain and not easily offended by the customer base ( rough and ready tradies)is a good fit. I'd complain OP too.I want a female..for solidarity..pmsl..

Yes, this was never normal, even decades ago. Men got away with it, but they always knew it was distressing to women, many of them didn't care though.

Gross. There are few things more depressing (in an everyday way) than young men now behaving like the dirty older men of the 1980s who are long-since retired now.

it’s as if there was a brief window of respectful behaviour before some kind of hideous ‘new lad’ cohort of deliberately sleazy, ‘retro-sexists’ decided to emerge.

And it’s almost worse now because they know it’s not acceptable. It’s such a deliberate, self-conscious choice.

Remember the HR department is not your friend, they act only in the interests of your company - not you, not what is right, etc.

Don’t expect them to do anything other that sweep it under the carpet or worse retaliate against the OP. Keep records of every interaction with the from now on. Every single one.

Yuck, disgusting pigs. Sorry you had to deal with that.

If they’d stopped and apologised after you first pulled them up then I probably wouldn’t have reported them (and at the most a quiet word with their manager).

But that they carried and then accused you of being a ‘dirty old woman’ - they thoroughly deserved to be reported and hopefully disciplined.

Not only disgusting but juvenile. They should get a life.

This sounds like a culture (the manager will look after us). Look after you to do what is my question, groom some young woman for a sexual assault. They have been both ageist and misogynistic. I wonder what the married one's wife will think of this. Personally I think they both sound like absolute scum bags to speak to you like this.

I'm old (ish) 60 next year and I've heard/dealt with a lot of misogynistic shite in my time but I was pretty shocked at what the OP has described.. Completely unacceptable in the modern workplace (indeed it was in the old workplace but we ended up giving as good back or putting up with it) and as for "creaming your knickers" I am absolutely disgusted..

These ass holes need reporting to HR!

I think you certainly did the right thing. Who do they think they are....some pervy creeps judging a Miss World competition?! If they want to look at women with tight bums or whatever it was that they said, why presume that a woman who fits their shallow criteria will be handpicked for them by their manager, purely to give them someone to leer over at work? Condescending, patronising, small brained, entitled, morons.

Beggars belief in this day and age - just awful. They obviously also took delight iin saying in front of you - hope HR deals with it appropriately. Let us know please.

What else would you find acceptable when they’ve been drinking that would be when sober? Groping? Violence?

I hope this reasures you OP that you did the right thing - my company recently made us do a course on acceptable behavior in work (probably due to new harassment rules) and this was literally one of the examples it used to encourage people to report unacceptable behavior.
Their behavior was disgusting and even when you tried to give a hint they continued anyway. Whatever the consequences, they brought it on themselves!

Gross. Well done OP for reporting them. The more women - and men - that report unacceptable sexual behaviour the less likely it is to happen. In one of my first jobs, I was in my early twenties, I was at a vending machine in our staff room. My manager stood behind me simulating sex with me for the amusement of two other male
staff members - he was unaware that I could see his reflection in the glass. Thirty five years on, I still remember just how awful and disgusting it felt. And simply didn’t know what to do. My DD is about to start work and I’m so glad times have changed!

I'd find that whole conversation unacceptable at a work event. Perhaps less so at drinks on a Friday but actually that language and attitude are appalling.

It's important to note too that these voices are also representative of the Company you work for. They were in a public place as representatives of that Company and I'm sure the Company don't want that as their brand image. If they do, they need reporting!

I agree the corporate world is about making money. That's how a lot of them talk. My partner worked in it for 10 years and the antic's that took place sounded juvenile. The one thing they were good at was selling. The op has potentially made herself an open target.

They are predators and disgusting going after young women. Fair play to you.

Tricky , I would say no because it wasn't at work and it wasn't at the team meal it was at a social drinks after the team meal, but that would be the only reason for saying no.

I would class that as sexual harassment. I would definitely report.

Work functions are work hours, legally. Work are liable for any behaviour during them including on the way home.

It still counts as work time legally.

You did the right thing, it is way out of line to talk like that. Women are not 'eye candy' for them to stare at. I had a horrible experience of sexual harassment last year where I felt like a piece of meat to a 34 year old man who relentlessly stared at me and gave me very inappropriate attention for close to six months. I couldn't report it because we have no HR and he was 'FWB' with my manager. I wish I had worked somewhere with women like you back then and I might not be quite as messed up now, because it really fucked with my head.