Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Reported male colleagues to HR

80 replies

Explorer36 · 04/04/2025 17:07

I attended our team meal last night - the usual meal/drinks afterwards. We are a big corporate company; the team I’m specifically on is a mix of ages and genders and everyone generally gets along quite well. We’ve got a vacancy due to someone retiring and it’s being advertised at the moment. Discussion was had between myself and two male colleagues - essentially ‘wonder whether it will be someone internal of external brought in’

The following exchange went along these lines:

Colleague 1 - I just hope they are fit
Colleague 2 - yeah, we need some younger blood. Blonde hair, boobs, tight little arse.
Colleague 1 - bit of eye candy, makes the day go faster
Me - I don’t think that’s how the company recruit people
Colleague 2 - manager name will look after us, he knows what we want (laughter between them both)
Me - Sorry, but that’s really not appropriate is it
Colleague 1 - if it was a good looking bloke you’d all be creaming your knickers so don’t give me that sort of attitude (laughter again)
Colleague 2 - Yeah, we know what you lot are like- dirty old women.

I told them I was uncomfortable at this point and I joined another group. After discussing this was a colleague earlier, she encouraged me to submit a HR report as for me, a line was crossed.

They are early 30’s and old enough to know better - one of them is married with kids.

Would you have done the same?

OP posts:
neverbeenskiing · 04/04/2025 18:09

TheNoonBell · 04/04/2025 18:00

You've just made two enemies for life.

They're both misogynists. They were already the enemy, the only difference is that they've now revealed themselves.

Tanktanktank · 04/04/2025 18:12

You were definitely right to report it.

behaviour like that was one of the reasons I opted out of works do in the early
2000’s if they were social do’s.

SoScarletItWas · 04/04/2025 18:14

Minnie798 · 04/04/2025 17:24

If the conversation was during work hours I'd have reported. If out of work hours and during a social event that I can choose to attend or not, I wouldn't.

There’s actually case law on this now. If the reason you were all together was because you work together, it doesn’t matter that it was out of hours/offsite. Employer still has responsibilities to protect people and behavioural expectations still apply as they would in the workplace.

notwavingbutsinking · 04/04/2025 18:17

For those of you saying that it is fine because it was a social setting, would it be fine if they were saying that they hoped this new hire wasn't of a certain race? Or if they hoped they weren't disabled? Of course it fucking wouldn't. Women should not have to tolerate misogyny in any context in the course of their employment, whether it is during standard working hours or not.

Whooowhooohoo · 04/04/2025 18:20

Explorer36 · 04/04/2025 17:07

I attended our team meal last night - the usual meal/drinks afterwards. We are a big corporate company; the team I’m specifically on is a mix of ages and genders and everyone generally gets along quite well. We’ve got a vacancy due to someone retiring and it’s being advertised at the moment. Discussion was had between myself and two male colleagues - essentially ‘wonder whether it will be someone internal of external brought in’

The following exchange went along these lines:

Colleague 1 - I just hope they are fit
Colleague 2 - yeah, we need some younger blood. Blonde hair, boobs, tight little arse.
Colleague 1 - bit of eye candy, makes the day go faster
Me - I don’t think that’s how the company recruit people
Colleague 2 - manager name will look after us, he knows what we want (laughter between them both)
Me - Sorry, but that’s really not appropriate is it
Colleague 1 - if it was a good looking bloke you’d all be creaming your knickers so don’t give me that sort of attitude (laughter again)
Colleague 2 - Yeah, we know what you lot are like- dirty old women.

I told them I was uncomfortable at this point and I joined another group. After discussing this was a colleague earlier, she encouraged me to submit a HR report as for me, a line was crossed.

They are early 30’s and old enough to know better - one of them is married with kids.

Would you have done the same?

100% they are disgusting. And arrogant. They are going to be very unhappy that they get a file note in HR for their 1970s behavior.

They are definitely getting a male replacement for that open job.

Pleasegodgotosleep · 04/04/2025 18:32

Offtobuttonmoontovisitmrspoon · 04/04/2025 17:29

But why should we have to put up with crude comments just because we choose to attend a work night out?

Show quote history

You don't. The new legislation would still consider this a work event even if out of hours and not organised by the business.

Minnie798 · 04/04/2025 18:32

SoScarletItWas · 04/04/2025 18:14

There’s actually case law on this now. If the reason you were all together was because you work together, it doesn’t matter that it was out of hours/offsite. Employer still has responsibilities to protect people and behavioural expectations still apply as they would in the workplace.

Show quote history

Case law wouldn't matter to me, because I personally wouldn't report it to HR at work. Op posted in AIBU for opinions, so I've offered mine.

Thebloodynine · 04/04/2025 18:33

You were right. It’s totally out of order and that whole attitude needs to be removed from the workplace. It will take a few generations, and needs to have constant monitoring and reprimands and consequences when it happens but eventually it’ll stop. They’ll still think it, but they won’t be able to act on those thoughts or behaviours.

These 2 have especially extra fucked up for dropping the hiring manager in it by saying “he knows what he want and will look after us.” They’ll have to be very careful about who they hire now; bad if a woman loses out on the job though. That’s an issue; if they go the other way and hire a man even if a better qualified young woman applies that’s bad. They’ve fucked up.

daisychain01 · 04/04/2025 18:36

Minnie798 · 04/04/2025 17:38

I wouldn't report it to the HR dept at work when it happened at a social event. No one has to put up with crude comments in a social setting, we are all free to speak to who we want and ignore who we want.
We have work nights out and if one of the males in our team said something that offended me , it wouldn't even enter my head to report him at work.
Unless this was a paid work event , it's not too clear from op.

Show quote history

@Minnie798 you need to update yourself on employment law.

workplace social events are an extension of the workplace. What those men did is harassment under the Equality Act (2010) and the employer's duty of care doesn't go away after clocking off time, Allowing them to continue undeterred is poor advice and the OP did exactly the right thing reporting them, so they are given a very clear message about their unacceptable behaviour. They may not accept what they've done is very wrong, but that's their problem.

LlynTegid · 04/04/2025 18:41

lobsterkiller · 04/04/2025 17:22

The legislation around sexual harassment changed in October '24. There's more responsibility on the employer to proactively protect employees from SH.

As thus was a team night out, this would fall under the remit of the legislation prior and since the change.

You did the right thing as a) you were uncomfortable with the conversation and b) you are encouraging the company to deal with any potential issue.

We have written in my company to suppliers about the legislation as part of this.

Good on you OP for what you have done.

blueshoes · 04/04/2025 18:52

SoScarletItWas · 04/04/2025 18:14

There’s actually case law on this now. If the reason you were all together was because you work together, it doesn’t matter that it was out of hours/offsite. Employer still has responsibilities to protect people and behavioural expectations still apply as they would in the workplace.

Show quote history

The team meal would be considered an extension of the workplace in these circumstances. That is why companies are so concerned that their staff do not get up to high jinx at Christmas parties and work drinks.

The big clue is that the company continues to be liable for their employee's behaviour even though it is a social event.

blueshoes · 04/04/2025 18:54

Meant to say @SoScarletItWas that I agree with you.

JHound · 04/04/2025 18:55

I probably would not have done the same just because I am not the “don’t make a fuss type”.

But I am glad you did. Their conversation was disgusting and not work appropriate. Also is it just me who really doesn’t care whether my male colleagues are “eye candy”?

dapsnotplimsolls · 04/04/2025 19:18

Good for you. No doubt they'll say it was 'just banter' and 'you can't say anything these days'. Arseholes.

2025willbemytime · 04/04/2025 19:35

Report. Report. Report.

Use some critical thinking. Low level touching, etc etc etc ends in much worse. It needs stopping.

Balancedcitizen101 · 04/04/2025 19:52

Sounds like the sort of bollocks lads chat that you got on The Office. Which was quite cringy then anyway. Now we are 20 years on. Apparently nothing has changed for some people. You did the right thing.

ItGhoul · 04/04/2025 20:07

You’ve definitely done the right thing. I wouldn’t be bothered if someone (male or female) said ‘Whoever they appoint, I hope they’re hot’ or something, but the conversation you’ve described here is totally unacceptable and I would have reported it too.

A few years ago two men at my workplace got written warnings for talking about a list of their top 10 hottest female colleagues.

ohyesido · 04/04/2025 20:08

Colleague 1 should be sacked for the last remark. How crass

TimeFlysWhenYoureHavingRum · 04/04/2025 20:11

Yanbu. Jay from the Inbetweeners is no supposed to be a role model.

HRTQueen · 04/04/2025 20:12

You absolutely did the right thing

women pushed back on the groping so we were then subjected to so called playful banter to keep us in our place

its 2025 men have to learn if they want they choose to be disgusting creeps woman are not going to put up with it and we don’t have to anymore

Middlechild3 · 04/04/2025 20:15

I do too, unfortunately they probably won't.

Crushed23 · 04/04/2025 20:18

They are a disgrace. Well done for reporting.

MN2025 · 04/04/2025 20:26

Explorer36 · 04/04/2025 17:07

I attended our team meal last night - the usual meal/drinks afterwards. We are a big corporate company; the team I’m specifically on is a mix of ages and genders and everyone generally gets along quite well. We’ve got a vacancy due to someone retiring and it’s being advertised at the moment. Discussion was had between myself and two male colleagues - essentially ‘wonder whether it will be someone internal of external brought in’

The following exchange went along these lines:

Colleague 1 - I just hope they are fit
Colleague 2 - yeah, we need some younger blood. Blonde hair, boobs, tight little arse.
Colleague 1 - bit of eye candy, makes the day go faster
Me - I don’t think that’s how the company recruit people
Colleague 2 - manager name will look after us, he knows what we want (laughter between them both)
Me - Sorry, but that’s really not appropriate is it
Colleague 1 - if it was a good looking bloke you’d all be creaming your knickers so don’t give me that sort of attitude (laughter again)
Colleague 2 - Yeah, we know what you lot are like- dirty old women.

I told them I was uncomfortable at this point and I joined another group. After discussing this was a colleague earlier, she encouraged me to submit a HR report as for me, a line was crossed.

They are early 30’s and old enough to know better - one of them is married with kids.

Would you have done the same?

Can see your issues with it but would they say it when they’re sober?

researchers3 · 04/04/2025 20:28

Minnie798 · 04/04/2025 17:24

If the conversation was during work hours I'd have reported. If out of work hours and during a social event that I can choose to attend or not, I wouldn't.

Really disagree with this. You should be able to attend a work event without being exposed to this shite.

It's 2025, not an episode of men behaving badly.

Mayflyoff · 04/04/2025 20:48

YANBU

I don't want to hear stuff like that at work, it is really inappropriate. And a work social does count as work. I don't want my DDs to experience this type of conversation at work and those men will still be working when my DDs start working.