Young adults are hard work!

[Sarahab82]

Is it just me or does anyone less with older teens/young adult children find it a lot harder and stressful nowadays then when they were little kids? My children are 18 and 20 and I worry about them so much more now then I ever have before, and if I’m honest as much as I love watching them becoming the people they are I feel incredibly stressed all the time to the point I need a good old break from them- is it truly big kids big problems? I feel awful to say this but if I knew the stress and worry having them I’m not sure I’d of wanted to go down the parent route- scary to say and I truly wouldn’t swap them for the world, but my goodness I thought it would be easier now they are older x thank you for letting me get this off my chest

Completely agree. Never been so worried until the last year or two, but I feel the area I live in (Liverpool) contributes to the stress. It’s not my children and there choices it’s environmental factors that I feel are causing the worry

This!

VoopnaVesta Oh gosh ,remembering countless "Malcolm in the Middle" and The Simpsons ! So much better now (Although still lots of football With DH to watch) Have long and interesting chats .

I think it is the fact that it can all change so quickly for me, and then there is another difficult spell to get through. I'm learning to be the parent of a young adult at the same time and not always getting it right. Neither DH or I had good role models for this era - and of course things are different now.

DS21 was all settled and plenty to be pleased and proud about - doing well at work, saving well, healthy lifestyle, plenty of friends, usually respectful and helpful at home. Spanner got thrown into the works six months ago and we're only just coming through the other side of it now - it has been a rollercoaster. If I went into more detail than that I wouldn't know where to start or end! Expectations he has put on us have been a lot - and the response to boundaries not great.

I worry a lot more about my adult kids than I ever did when they were younger. It's the loss of knowledge and control as obviously I don't know where they are and what they are doing most of the time now.

Yes, I do worry about them more now, I think (18 & 20). I love this age, the humour and the fun but it's that old thing of 'having a child is like having your heart walk around outside of your body'... and they aren't just walking around outside of your body, they're driving, too! One of mine lives 5 hours away from me, now. I truly now understand what my mum meant when she said 'you won't understand until you have children of your own!'

I suppose it depends on your child and their situation. I do know that I would take a colicky newborn any day over a teenager going through a mental health crisis. With colic I could run through the list of solutions and know that I was doing everything possible in my power to fix it for my baby.

With my child’s mental health crisis, I didn’t have that control, I didn’t have the knowledge and there are far fewer tips and ideas from others that are helpful. Not to mention the wait for help that you need now, not in several months while your child falls apart in the meantime and has to take numerous trips to A&E to keep them safe or worse because you didn’t manage to and they hurt themselves.

Mental health issues are the worst. For one of mine they were quite significant between ages 15 and 17 and worry over what they might do to themselves was an ongoing concern, not helped by them indulging in risky behaviours. They are much more settled and mature now at 19, but there are still some wobbles.

I have two DD, both young adults now, and I have to say I have absolutely loved every single different stage of their lives. Each stage has had its different challenges but each one has been amazing.

I absolutely ADORE them as adults. They have both grown up into the most amazing individuals and I couldn't be more proud and as they have become adults, our relationships have shifted, and we are now like besties. But they do still need their Mumma on occasion.

But I think this stage the worries you have for them are very different and I don't think having a little anxiety about them 'being okay' will ever go away. But I don't find it stressful or anything as such. Both have had heartbreak, mental health issues occasionally etc which is difficult to help them navigate at times but on the whole I am loving my grown up kids.

I just hope it stays that way!! 😐

Same here, (except for the risky behaviours) but it was very worrying. They are also
much more stable now, studying, in a relationship, lots of friends but I fear it still bubbles and simmers not too deep below the surface.

Hmm, I don’t worry too much about DD (20 this year) as she’s away at uni getting with her life. We keep in touch and I know she’s OK-yes, she gets stressed about her classes sometimes but overall fine and I know that she’s sensible enough not to do anything daft.

DS (16) is also ok but inevitably, he and his friends can be silly when they get together and that’s what worries me somewhat-that collectively they’ll make a bad decision that will land them in trouble. Like a recent weekend when they were out late and I discovered that they hadn’t arranged a lift home…I thought another parent was collecting them and our city center becomes unsafe close to midnight. So we had a chat about that.

I think it’s their ability/maturity ( or lack of!) to make good decisions at this age that causes concern. I have confidence in DD, but I’m not quite there with DS! 😂

I'm with you OP. Mine are 20 and 23 and I think I've been more worried/stressed about them in the last 5 years than at any other time.
The eldest started uni in lockdown down - both had A levels/GCSEs that year.
Relationship issues are much more grown up
DD started at uni and had a terrible time, with hundreds of WhatsApps a day until she gave in and came home. Restarted the following year, and has been much better.
DS couldn't get a job after graduating so came back home. He's been here nearly a year now and that has been very stressful for DH and me. He has finally got a job, but we live in London - can't see him moving out soon.
Late nights out
Cars/driving

And Mum and MIL late 80s also needing far more attention

@Seeline Yes, I'd say that elderly parents worry me more nowadays tbh.
We're definitely the sandwich generation right now!

I’m loving the age, but also find it stressful! I love seeing him enjoying Uni, making plans for the future, being a lovely boyfriend to his girlfriend etc, but I find it tough worrying about him driving late at night etc. I wouldn’t ask him to not go out (ever!) but there are occasions I wish he was still young enough to tell him he has to be home at a certain time