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Original poster

To be pissed off with DP and his new found sexist attitude

42 replies

lucyellensmum · 15/05/2008 10:35

I am really and about DPs attitude. And frustrated and downright angry!!!

Basically he is struggling to establish his business and is today on his hands and knees scrubbing at a floor that one of his "employees" fucked up. This is stopping him from getting on with work he is behind with. I offered to get my mum to take care of DD whilst i went round and did this. But he refused saying he was too embarrased to have his wife go and scrub on hands and knees sorting out someone elses fuck up. But, i offered, he is really struggling on his knees (dodgy painful) and i was more than happy to have a change of scenery (i think we will all agree that looking after a two year old is eons harder than scrubbing some grout off of a floor). I mean, WTF - he is not making use of resources and if i were alan sugar i would bloody fire him!! I offered to do it, his time is money, we are now losing two days money over this. but he said that my part in the business is admin and need to stick to that !!!! Even though i said that i was more than happy to get a break from mummyness - he said, why dont i make a cake with DD instead - no really girls, he actually said that......

Im not being unreasonable am i?>?? not this time???? >

OP posts:
Original poster
lucyellensmum · 15/05/2008 10:37

FWIW it wasnt possible to have the guy who screwed up, put this right, else he would have, hes not THAT stupid - is he?

OP posts:
Squirdle · 15/05/2008 10:41

Aww I can see why you are cross with him, but do you think he just didn't feel it was right that you should have to scrub a floor when it wasn't your fault. Men have a funny way of putting things and they don't always say what they mean to say ie it doesn't come out of their mouths correctly.

Why don't you get your mum to have DD anyway and go there with lunch (a shop bought cake which looks homemade ) While you are there you can don your rubber gloves and just get on with it. What can he say if you don't ask and just start helping?

Squirdle · 15/05/2008 10:42

Why can't the guy who screwed up help scrub the floor? He should have done it anyway!

Flook · 15/05/2008 10:43

He's scrubbing a floor.
You think you should scrub the floor instead.
He says no, he'll do it.

Ok, so clearly you have different ideas about efficient use of time but I,m struggling to see why you are so wound up and I really cant see how it's sexist.

Saturn74 · 15/05/2008 10:46

I don't think he's being sexist.

I can see why you are annoyed at losing two days pay from the business though.

Lazycow · 15/05/2008 10:47

I'd find his refusal to accept help very annoying too but looking at it from his point of view he probably feels he needs to make a success of this business and accepting help from you (other than the already agreed administration help) makes him feel like he isn't coping well and might feel like he is being criticised.

While I don't think you are being unreasonable at all I think in this instance an offer of help should be just that from you. If he refuses it you need to trust him to deal with it himself even if it isn't how you would do things.

Original poster
lucyellensmum · 15/05/2008 10:51

fook, its about me being able to get involved and things like that - i just feel he wants to keep me excluded from the business end of the business. A bit like the business meeting he had with the bank yesterday to open a business account, which i didnt know about until i bumped into him coming out of the bank !!!!! He came home with a box full of computer packages, calling it a present - knob cheese!!!!!

Anyway, when i told my mum, she offered to go and do it - ROTFL im a good mind to tell her jsut to go round there - she is 73!!!! how embarrased would he be then - lmao the irony is, she would probably do it faster than either of us

OP posts:
cory · 15/05/2008 10:51

I think I can sort of understand where you're coming from.

Pre-dc's I worked in ds's job, which involves a certain amount of manual labour, and I'd feel disgruntled if he were to suggest (even with the best of intentions) that I am no longer capable of swinging a pick-axe.

And if he's got dodgy knees and you haven't and he's still suggesting that you'd be better off making cakes, then that does suggest that gender ideas are getting in the way of more rational thinking.
Basically, you feel as if you'd been reduced to your function as a mother.

Yeah, he's trying to be nice, but I'd still be a little annoyed. (but just a little bit- remember he is still trying to be nice)

cory · 15/05/2008 10:52

cross-posted

Original poster
lucyellensmum · 15/05/2008 11:06

so he is trying to be nice he is still a knob cheese

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fanjolina · 15/05/2008 11:20

Why don't you drop your DC off at your mum's anyway, and treat yourself to some time on your own. That will cheer you up

Journey · 15/05/2008 11:26

Don't be so hard on your DP. I think he was being sweet. I'd appreciate him a bit more rather than being angry.

Original poster
lucyellensmum · 15/05/2008 11:30

But im not a delicate little flower who would struggle with getting on my hands and knees - it is more a case of "i dont want the clients thinking i have to rely on my wife to bail me out" situation. I think he is embarrased about me tbh. Client is very fit, exercise fanatic, succesful woman, i am fat unsuccesful SAHM.

OP posts:
scottishmummy · 15/05/2008 11:31

your dh is not being sexist , he is being exasperated and under pressure as some numnut has stuffed up

you feel exasperated at not being included, and feeling bit excluded

imo, as dp has a lot on at the mo, pick your moment to discuss this with him

Original poster
lucyellensmum · 15/05/2008 11:33

its his own fault for getting the numnut to do the job in the first place - i advised against it. I am thinking of pulling out of the business completely tbh. I need to get a job of my own and find myself again - my self esteem is at zero and being told im not able to contribute is not great tbh./

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scottishmummy · 15/05/2008 11:38

well it is not helpful have the missus shaking her head saying "i told you not to use him" when someone has stuffed up

trying be more supportive

oranges · 15/05/2008 11:39

it does sound as if you'd be better of getting a job that's all yours and leaving him to sort out his own work problems.

Journey · 15/05/2008 11:42

I think your DP loves you loads and cares about you lots.

From memory (sorry if I've got this wrong) I think your DP is struggling with his business. I also remember you saying that you want to remain a SAHM and do the mummy things like bake cakes. Well if I remember this your DP must know what lifestyle you really want.

Despite his business struggling he doesn't want you doing the crappy jobs. He wants you still to be able to live a bit of your dream.

I don't like you saying "I am fat unsuccessful SAHM" because in my opinion you have a DP who cares about you loads (who is demonstrating this even when times are tough), and as such you must have a lot of special qualities.

Original poster
lucyellensmum · 15/05/2008 11:49

i am the mother of his child, who is in his words, his only reason for staying - so not quite sure what qualities i have. Im just pissed off with this business resulting in him being short tempered with me due to stress he brings on himself.

BUt im a selfish bitch apparently

OP posts:
NappiesGalore · 15/05/2008 11:55

maybe hes in a foul mood and just wants to vent and be on his own?

sakurarose39 · 15/05/2008 11:55

I think you should leave him to get on with is, make his own mistakes, and learn from them. My DH started his own business a couple of years ago, and I learned not to suggest things unless asked. I have always had my own income (even if it was peanuts when the DC were tiny - worked from home, so no time to earn much), but now they are older, I have my own work, and just make encouraging noises in DHs direction...
To go all Xenia-like, I really would try and find a job, so that you DON'T have to worry about some fluctuations in his earnings - because with all new businesses, mistakes will be made, and income will be a bit all over the place for a while...
oh and go and have the afternoon off - you deserve it!

NappiesGalore · 15/05/2008 11:56

mayeb hes thinking that if youre around him when hes in such a mood, hes likely to be a git to you and you could both do without that.

maybe.

sakurarose39 · 15/05/2008 11:57

"to get on with it" I meant...
(cross post) Oh and if THAT is his attitude, deffo just leave him to stew...

AtheneNoctua · 15/05/2008 12:13

I think he's sexist. "I am not having my wife..." says he is in charge and you will do as he says.

And not informing you in the decision to do anything with the bank is pretty out of line. I think accounting and finances belong in the admin department frankly. I would be a lot more upset about that then the floor scrubbing.

I would not stand for this. I would call for a review of who does what in the business, and I would make it clear that I expect to be his equal and not his subordinate.

Original poster
lucyellensmum · 15/05/2008 16:42

He has only just finished - wanker, it could have been done ages ago!!! Can;t be arsed to be arsey though.

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