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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be pissed off with DP and his new found sexist attitude

42 replies

lucyellensmum · 15/05/2008 10:35

I am really and about DPs attitude. And frustrated and downright angry!!!

Basically he is struggling to establish his business and is today on his hands and knees scrubbing at a floor that one of his "employees" fucked up. This is stopping him from getting on with work he is behind with. I offered to get my mum to take care of DD whilst i went round and did this. But he refused saying he was too embarrased to have his wife go and scrub on hands and knees sorting out someone elses fuck up. But, i offered, he is really struggling on his knees (dodgy painful) and i was more than happy to have a change of scenery (i think we will all agree that looking after a two year old is eons harder than scrubbing some grout off of a floor). I mean, WTF - he is not making use of resources and if i were alan sugar i would bloody fire him!! I offered to do it, his time is money, we are now losing two days money over this. but he said that my part in the business is admin and need to stick to that !!!! Even though i said that i was more than happy to get a break from mummyness - he said, why dont i make a cake with DD instead - no really girls, he actually said that......

Im not being unreasonable am i?>?? not this time???? >

OP posts:
AtheneNoctua · 15/05/2008 16:53

I am still smiling about the idea of your mum coming over to show it up.

You could pick up one the heavyier tools and hit him with it and say "Look, now you have to go tell people your wife beat you up"

Original poster
lucyellensmum · 15/05/2008 18:21

maybe i might just do that!!! He came home in a foul mood anyway. Then when i tried to sit and talk to him about how to move things forward he just flew off the deep end. Told me he wants me to have nothing to do with the business, but, wait for it, still wants me to type up his estimates and invoices - um, it aint gonna happen!!!! I am started to wonder if this business is going to sour everything

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Original poster
lucyellensmum · 15/05/2008 18:34

He said i should stick at doing what i do best - NOTHING!!! Says it all really doesnt it

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dittany · 15/05/2008 18:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
lucyellensmum · 15/05/2008 18:48

if you had asked me that three years ago, i would have said possibly! Yes, its a horrible thing to say, but to be fair, its the truth. Ive lost all interest in the business as whenever i have tried to get involved my ideas etc get ignored. I printed out a load of schedules for him to take on a job, to give to people working for him (they were taking the piss) but i found them at home, he never even bothered trying. Since then, ive found it really hard to get motivated for it. It is always a case of "the next job will work out" but when every job turns into "when i get this nightmare out of the way" and "its only because bla bla bla........" Im wholy sick of it. Its tarnishing our relationship, which was so loving before - i need a cuddle so badly today - no point in asking him

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dittany · 15/05/2008 18:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
lucyellensmum · 15/05/2008 18:58

you are the only one who thinks this though, it seems that i do a good line in self pity and sulking. But i am sick of feeling like shit, stressing about the latest job fuck up and wondering when the next bit of money will come in. I have no confidence you see, i have a PhD but am too scared to even think about getting a job

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dittany · 15/05/2008 19:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
lucyellensmum · 15/05/2008 19:16

its in fruitfly genetics - so thats hardly going to be in high demand Most people just look at me with raised eyebrows as if to say its a waste of grant money.

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dittany · 15/05/2008 19:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
lucyellensmum · 15/05/2008 19:29

well yes, i can see how my ability to dissect the nervous system from a fruit fly is going to help in the construction business God, that is really really sad, i used to spend weeks doing this

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Monkeytrousers · 15/05/2008 19:33

that's not sexism - it's pride

ShyBaby · 15/05/2008 19:53

Ok dont shoot me, but maybe he realises you were right in advising he didn't employ an idiot to do a job which has clearly gone tits up so he doesn't feel you should have to deal with the consequences?

He's correcting his own eff up. Although I do wonder why he doesnt kick the ass of the bloke who did it and make him do it again, I really would if I had the authority!

Doesn't seem sexist to me. Seems more like he's protecting you from it in some funny way. He's probably pissed off at himself more than anything?

Original poster
lucyellensmum · 15/05/2008 20:13

The fact still remains that he has lost the whole of today when actually had i gone round and done it this morning he would have only lost half a day, AND we could have had some time alone together (never ever happens!!)

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ShyBaby · 15/05/2008 20:28

Male pride thing, as someone said? Still blardy annoying though im sure.

AtheneNoctua · 16/05/2008 08:02

I haven't read a single post on this thread that justifies the way he is treating you. I would go back to work and leave him to get on with the business. When he realises he doesn't like typing things up he will have 3 choices. 1- get on with the typing in spite of hating it. 2- Hire someone else to do. 3- Ask you NICELY to consider returning. If he goes for 3, you will be in a good position to define the job you want.

So, who owns this business? Is it all in his name? A partnership between the two of you?

It is possible that he is feeling like a failure and so is trying to keep you down to make himself feel better about the business that isn't quite the success he had hoped for. But, this is no excuse. IT might explain his behaviour, but it certainly doesn't justify it.

Original poster
lucyellensmum · 16/05/2008 11:40

I think i have been a little unfair to DP, he IS under tremendous pressure, we both are. I realise that this attitude of feeling sorry for myself is getting us no-where. We have had a talk and i understood that he just didnt feel comfortable with me clearing up someone elses mess. It was a shame as we used to work together like that alot and enjoyed it. But today is another day, he is regrouting the tiles, im not offering to help - i positively hate grouting but i will make him a cake today i think

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