What happens if you have a party and the parent needs to stay

[TheMauveZebra]

I'm a single mum not by choice and I'm part of a single parent group

We were discussing parties and I said it can get complicated as siblings want to come, people don't turn up.

The group owner went of at me saying I should understand as a single mum and how little support she has and that siblings should basically be allowed to go to parties.

I think that's very much CF and then people started chirping in.

So if you have a party, invite one sibling, should the other be automatically invited because the mum has no support?

This woman has no support from her boys father, her own mum doesn't seem around etc.

Why does the parent need to stay?

I suppose if child is too little to be left and there's an older sibling then what does the parent do?

No, the parent doesn't need to stay.

Take both children, drop off the older child then take the younger one back home.

Why would they need to stay?

If for any reason the parent does need to stay, then they should at least pay for any siblings if it’s a pay per child venue. And bring food for them/ buy food if it’s not sale - not expect them all to be fed, or given a party bag.

My kid is having his 4th birthday party soon and only one parent has said that she wants to stay. I'm not actually sure what she plans to do with her 2 year old.

I think in this scenario the little one is the one invited to the party.

Some parents have gotten in touch with me beforehand to ask if a sibling can come - I always say yes and it’s never a big deal? It’s just helping out someone and making sure a child can be involved, I don’t really see the downside?

They can bring them along, but just won't be included in the food and paid for activity. I always bring my younger one along but I don't expect her to be included i.e as part of the number of paid for party kids, and she isn't. No one minds as people understand childcare issues etc. Also I've never been to a party where parents haven't stayed. I wouldn't feel comfortable leaving my child, as they are still the parent's responsibility should anything go wrong.

Ok, then the other way round then.

I'm not a single parent but my partner does work away, if one of my child gets an invite and I don't have the option for someone to look after my other child, I will thank for parent for the invite and tell them my situation, usually they invite both children and I will pay for any extras that occur.

I'm not sure what you would expect the single parent to do if you expect parents to stay at the venue but have other children to look after, other than decline the invite.

So I think @Krumblina is talking about where the little one is too young to be left at the party and there's an older sibling who is too young to be left at home.

But I feel a bit puzzled by this "too young to be left" thing. My son was just under three the first time he was invited to a party, and I left him there and went shopping.

The downside is that, if the sibling is older and there's more than one of them, they can takeover a bit and you find the nature of the party, which you had planned carefully in your head, changes.

Yes, that was what I did. I must admit to being puzzled by the whole thing, really.

I think that people can very often not listen to a viewpoint without instantly deciding to talk about themselves. Your single parent did this, in this instance.

No they need to ask before bringing a sibling & offer to pay for them, and accept that sometimes the answer will be no. Not the host’s fault that someone is a single mother.
I would also be expecting parents to stay until children are around 7, and this should be checked with the host too. A 4 year old would usually not be left at the party alone without asking if the host minds supervising them

I guess it depends where the party is?

We have an older one and a younger one, at soft play parties for example I usually take both but pay for the one who isn't a part of the party (unless it's a private hire) I'd say across both of my kids classes that's absolutely standard thing to do, even when not a single parent.

It doesn’t bother me. It’s a kids party. I’m not worried at all if an extra few children come. I would rather parents stay as it’s easier for me to have them here.

Ours are at our house though. So inviting 8 and having 10 doesn’t really matter. Usually an older sibling will help entertain at the party and a younger is just watched by parents

I think it entirely depends on the situation and how it's handled.

If someone turned up to a party with a sibling in tow, where there is a paid element, like, I dunno, you've paid for everyone to have afternoon tea and make a teddy bear, and the parent expects the sibling to join in with no discussion with you, then they are a CF.

If it's a village hall style affair with an entertainer doing generic games and the parent has discussed it with you beforehand and explained, maybe offered to bring their own food etc, then as long as you're in agreement then it's fine?

Of course siblings shouldn't be automatically invited. The fact she can't make it work is nothing to do with the host, who likely has to pay per child and will see costs spiral if unlimited siblings are allowed to join.

She needs to-
A) ask to drop her child off and not stay.
B) make an arrangement with another parent of an attending child.
C) decline the invitation.

I’m a single mum. The parties I’ve been to where I had to stay have been at play centres, trampoline places and in these circumstances, I’ve taken the other child, paid for them to go on and then when it’s time for party food, I buy food for the other child and sit nearby. That way, I’ve managed to juggle things and not put the party organiser on a situation

I always drop and go. Not single neither. My son does not want me hanging about at a party.

Just automatically turning up with a sibling is rude unless you are paying them in and also paying for any food they eat.

I’m a single parent. Parties can be tricky as my ds2 still wants me to stay with him. Usually I’ll try and get someone to look after ds1 but if that isn’t possible I may ask if he can come to the party. Whether or not I do this depends on the nature of the party, if it’s a big soft play place which is open to everyone then I will ask and obviously pay for him separately. If it’s a small party at someone’s house then that’s more difficult.

A lot of parties at the moment seem to be on their dad’s weekends so I usually take child to party while their dad has the other. He won’t do parties unless he can take both kids.

Fortunately my ds1 is nearly at the point where I could leave him at home for a couple of hours.

Meant to say I’d never assume I could bring my other child along without asking because that is rude.